Fuck you, Ben Bernanke. You too, Alan. In fact, frogging fuck the whole fucking Federal reserve and all its past and future associates. Way to punish the prudent with another interest rate cut, jams-for-brains.
But the first fuck, I guess, really belongs to California. Fuck California for being chock full of cheap-ass, overpriced, shoddily stacked together pieces of shit houses that cost approximately one million US fucking dollars. Only a drooling, “but math is hard!” whining, grade-A moron would pay one million dollars for that shack, if he wanted to live in it. Fortunately for you, you criminal seller who wants to retire on the back of some poor dumb working stiff for doing nothing but owning an object for two fucking years, California is also chock full of morons.
“Duh, yeah George, I can pay twenty times my annual household income for a broken-down one-bedroom in the sticks. The payment is only $500!”
You know why it’s so cheap, asshat? No, really, did you ever stop to think for just one nanosecond that it’s kind of wierd to have an installment payment that is thousands of times smaller than a loan you’re trying to pay off in thirty years? Did you ever wonder what the actual payment would be if you were actually trying to pay it off? You didn’t. I KNOW you didn’t, because if you had, you would have gone “holy shit, that’s three times what I could rent this crapshack for!” and dropped the loan docs like a bunch of radioactive turnips.
But no, you went interst-only, adjustable rate, stated income. And you lived happily ever after…
(Let me take a little break to send hearty fucks over to the asshole California speculators who spilled over like locusts into the neighboring states. Why Idaho, for frog’s sweet sake? Hey Californians, you ruined lives by driving up home prices way beyond what a normal non-Californian makes and way beyond what the local economies can support. They hate you out there)
… until your payment adjusted to five times what it would have been had you started with a 30-year fixed and you have to sell. But you can’t sell, because you’re underwater. And you can’t refinance, because the asshole criminals in the whoring lending industry finally tightened lending standards (on fear of federal prosecution) and all of a frogging sudden you have to be able to afford the thing you’re financing. Which you can’t. And you can’t make the payments, and they changed the bankruptcy laws, and if the bank helps you out with the short sale you’ll owe twenty grand or so in taxes on the forgiven debt.
And I’m sorry for you morons, really I am. Math is hard. Your lenders had a fiduciary obligation to you that they opposed head-on. Greenspan saw it and kept interest rates low to ease the hangover from the stock bubble, but we’re all going to pay for it now.
Unless… maybe Ben can save the day with MORE INTEREST RATE CUTS! Tell you what, “Helicopter,” it’s not the rate that is keeping me from buying that house down the street. It’s the fucking fact that it’s overpriced by a fucking factor of two and depreciating!!!
And here’s the self-pitying core pf this pitting: houses are depreciating, and so are my savings. Down the fucking drain. You are inflating away the debt of Americans and George’s “spend and spend” conservative America, Ben, and you are inflating away every penny that I put into savings and retirement accounts rather than drooling out over some asshole house. I saved diligently, thinking “some day, sanity will return to the housing market, and on that day, I will be able to settle down and be part of a neighborhood and maybe have a family.” That day is a lot farther off now that my savings are worth shit.