You know, it’s all a thing of beauty and I do admire ‘sludgefucking’, but it’s ‘where they failed Square 101’ that actually made me laugh out loud.
FUCK YEAH ! I never gave a shit about countertops in my life, or any furniture really. I am however now ready to grab a pitchfork and start gathering firewood at your behest, Zsofia. When do we hang these motherfucking sludgefuckers from the nearest streetlight, goddammit ?!
Besides, you taught me “cattywampus”, and it’s one of those inherently funny words, so I owe you one.
“Cockbag cattywampus countertops”. Heh.
And I thought I was the only person left who uses the word “cattywampus”. Then again, I read more old books than I speak to living persons.
We have been without a sink since the week before Christmas. Our countertops just got set, and the one on the island didn’t have the corner radius we templated for. This may not sound like a big deal, but when you have a 39-inch 3-year-old, having countertop corners that she won’t brain herself on when she inevitably walks into one is important. So there’s another two weeks.
That’s so odd - he sounds perfectly normal to me. 
(Except he says “about” funny.)
Cattywampus is an invaluable construction term, along with “janky”; see also: “janked up”.
Where are you? Please say Chicago, I can help.
Holy shit. I bow to your home renovation fury.
MikeG, sorry, South Carolina. Where, evidently, they say “cattywampus”. Although I probably got it from my dad, who’s from south Georgia.
Actually, as a child I remember them bringing in a Gullah, perhaps (but certainly traditional African American) storyteller to tell us the story of the Wampus Cat, from whence I assume that word comes. One does not fuck with the Wampus Cat. The Wampus Cat is out of fucks to give.
This rant is substantial as the finest square-cut granite. Brava.
And if *that *were literally in the version told to the children, that would be the most awesome lesson in their entire education.
If your very smart guy finds a nice place to hide on Monday…please don’t hurt him much. and tell us about the Wampus Cat, please.
I used to have a Maine Coon who was dog agressive. He wamped dogs all the time.
I will have you know that I read the OP out loud to a friend earlier, and started laughing so hard that by the time I got to “cockbag” I could not speak.
Well shuckyfuck, that’s an awkward situation. Great word choice btw 
I have said “cattywampus” all my life and I never knew where it came from. It usually has “all” in front of it and has a meaning to me akin to the Brits’ “pear-shaped”. I was born in Mississippi, so I suppose it must be one of those southern things. Now I want to see if I can find the wampus cat story.
It was part of tonight’s double feature here, with “Dear Inventor of the Hidden Zipper - Please Eat Shit.”
Too bad none of this can be rectified with cunting pliers.
“Aboot two feet o’that needs t’be agaynst this wall, eh?”
Depends on to whom you apply the pliers.
Yeah, he’s not helping the cause that are trying to inform the world that not all Canadians say about like aboot.
If all Canadians looked like Mike Holmes, we wouldn’t care how they pronounce “about”.
Seriously, Zsofia, that well and truly sucks. I thought you might have been channelling Sampiro in your rant; maybe it’s a Southern Thing. I give it a 10!
This is profoundly true. That’s another reason I love watching his shows…
I love your knobs! LOVE!
You know, I thought that the economy was very hard on contractors and they were all very appreciative of any work they could get.
Also, is cattywampus related to kitty-cornered?