I hope you have plenty of fresh ginger and garlic on hand. I hope you have soy sauce and dry sherry in your pantry. I hope you enjoy fresh vegetables in your stir fry.
I know I do. I was so looking forward to getting a new wok from my girlfriend for Christmas. I hope you enjoy it as miuch as I would have. Because that’s all you got when you broke into her car, you fucking pathetic thief. One little fucking package that you will probably not even use. I doubt you can fence it. I doubt you will use it. No doubt you will trash it.
But one more thing, you rectal fuck pig – did you have to destroy her driver’s side lock? And smash in her headlights? And crush her fender? Did you have to add vandalism to your petty and useless thievery? And of course, you realize that this totally fucks up our holiday plans. Instead of sipping a cup of eggnog in Florida, my girlfriend will now be sitting at home alone on Christmas day making a choice between fixing her car and paying rent.
If I ever meet you I will fucking decapitate you, and take pleasure in seeing your head roll down the gutter.
Side note to my girlfriend’s sister: Fuck you too. Nice way to be a supportive sister. While you own three vehicles and live minutes from the airport, you could not be arsed to offer a bed, a ride, or a vehicle. “We can’t give you a ride, we’ll be too busy opening presents over at Rebecca’s.” Nice generous holiday spirit, you miserly cunt.
It occurs to me that woks have yet another use – whapping dickwads upside the head.
Yes, it does. On the other hand, a Christmas tradition continues on its merry way: 12/23 is traditionally the date when my girlfriend is reduced to tears by her sister’s thoughtless and selfish behavior.
SAme thing happened to me and my sister a few years ago. We stopped into Albertson’s for a couple of things and when it closed at 9 p.m., we were walking out to her truck and the guy was still in her car. Only he was trying to steal the truck. He almost did too. If we’d stayed in the store a little longer, we would’ve come out to an empty parking space. Instead, we surprsied him and he pushed open the door and ran away. Since the passenger window was missing and the steering column was torn up, we had to park the truck in my mother’s garage until the day after Christmas.
Anyhoo, sorry about your girlfriend’s car. People who do that kind of stuff suck, but it’s even worse when they do it over the holidays.
Sorry to resurrect this thread, but I’ve been away.
It seems to me that the holidays are a prime time for crime (nice rhyme!). One Xmas eve my friends’ apartment was broken into – they got all the music equipment of one friend, and all the gifts of another. Merry fucking Christmas indeed!
Ick. People who steal Christmas gifts, or Hanukkah gifts, or ANY kind of gifts for that matter are only slightly higher on the food chain (or maybe it’s a lateral move?) Than people who would starve an orphan, or bugger a cat, or piss in the communal coffee pot. May his/her genitals be infested with…something really painful and itchy, and may they be aware of what they pay for.
Dude. That sucks. But please, put the head, in, uhh, a compost heap, or something. So that the worms will finally do something useful with his previously unproductive head.
No, no, no, severed heads aren’t recyclable, at least not in your standard recycling bins, which are mostly for plastic, glass, and aluminum. A head should either be composted or donated to your friendly neighborhood medical school, unless you want to be a good neighbor and give it to the mad scientist next door. Remind him not to use the brain!
Hmph, I never recycle my severed heads. Re-using is where it’s at when it comes to spare noggins. Mount that puppy on a pike or antenna in this case, and you’ll have no more trouble with theives.
Gift thieves are almost as bad as those guys who rob your house and then come back a few weeks later to get all the replacement stuff you just bought.
Oh great, the compost zealots have moved in. People, compost happens! Everyone know to get rid of a severed head you need to slow cook it in the oven for about 24 hours (250 degrees F, no onions–bad for the dogs), put it in a burlap sack and beat the hell out of it with a sledge hammer. feed the remains to the dogs.
Best wishes, and good luck.