I just don't understand people who get cockatoos

Every time I see a young person with a brightly colored, gaudy cockatoo, I just have to shake my head. I just don’t think they understand what they’re getting themselves into, or what other people are going to think when they see it.

I mean, for one thing, they’re incredibly long lived. A cockatoo can have a lifespan of over 70 years! Don’t these cockatoo owners realize that they’re going to have to live with that cockatoo for the rest of their lives? That thing may be cool to show everyone at the coffee house now, but how’s that cockatoo going to look when you’re in a nursing home? I doubt anyone’s going to think you’re such a hip pet owner then!

What’s worse, cockatoos mate for life. In capitivity they believe their owner is their mate, and are actively aggressive towards everyone else. Many times it won’t let anyone else near it. What’s your potential mate going to think when they see that cockatoo? How many potential mates will your cockatoo scare off? Personally, I would never date anyone with a cockatoo. To me, it says something about their poor judgment, and plus they just look terrible, like a velvet painting or a bad couch print or something. Oh, sure, people keep telling me about how their beautiful cockatoos are completely different, but I’ve never seen one that didn’t make them look like Baretta.

I don’t think the kids getting these cockatoos are thinking much about their future, either. A cockatoo is a big demand on its owner’s time. Since the cockatoo won’t let anyone else near it to feed it or care for it, it can be difficult to spend a lot of time out of the house, much less traveling. When you’re job hunting, what’s your potential employer going to think when they see that cockatoo? Between you and another similarly qualified applicant without a cockatoo, who do you think they’ll hire? Even if the employer doesn’t care personally, do you think they’ll still hire you if they think your cockatoo is going to scare off customers and lose them business? I don’t think these people really understand how getting a cockatoo is going to affect their job prospects.

Personally, I just think they want to attract attention to themselves. Sure, they say they just get them for themselves or because “they like how they look,” but every cockatoo I see just screams “Look at me! I’m a pretty bird! I’m a pretty bird!”

Cheer up. If they get tired of it, they can always get laser cockatoo removal.

Do people with cockatoos usually bring them to work with them? :confused:

So, which one of us just got whooshed? (cockatoo, tattoo…)

Wise words indeed. I wouldn’t, either. I also wouldn’t date anyone who grew hollyhocks, who snorted non-dairy coffee creamer*, who groomed cats for a living, or who owned more than seven pie pans. Of course, my friends all think I’m a shallow, judgmental bastard, but what’s wrong with having standards?

*I actually knew someone who did this. There were many, many other reasons not to date him.

What’s wrong with pie pans? I think I own four… I do own eight 13x9 casserole dishes, though.

Nothing, of course. The sentence just struck me as funny: it seems like the cockatoo-owning percentage of the population of Texas would be vanishingly small. I got an image of the exceptionally unlucky OP being continually disappointed as s/he starts to flirt with guy after guy (or girl after girl, not sure), only to dump them after they bring a cockatoo along on the third date. I image a summer filled with unslaked lust, cockatoos, and heartache.

Oh shit, you said cock.

Aw man, I was all set to make a snarky remark asking you what drugs you were taking that made cockatoos “brightly colored” but upon Googling, imagine my surprise to find that there actually are cockatoos that aren’t just white with a touch of yellow! Who knew??

(and yes, I get the joke of the thread.)

What’s wrong with hollyhocks? :confused:

There’s a screenplay in there somewhere.

Wasn’t it Rock Hudson who said, “I’ve never kissed a parrot but I’ve kissed a cockatoo”?

They make an irritating whooshing sound as they grow.

Do the cat-groomers have anything they want to say now? <glares menacingly>

I kind of sneer at all the young kids who got cockatoos just as a fashion statement… Bunch of galahs, just parroting what their cocky friends do, if you ask me.
But if it’s a part of your group/cultural heritage to have one, it’s a little bit different.

For example, a friend of mine got one on his shoulder when he was in the aviary. When he got out he was pretty well covered in cockatoos, but I guess I can’t judge the frame of mind he must have been in at the time. They were more than just a fashion statement. They were like a family crest.

Ah, I missed it - but these lines just don’t make sense for a “tattoo” analogy.

Tattoos don’t mate or act aggressive or demand any time for maintenance. So that probably threw me off from getting the joke.

Allright, I confess. I wondered what type of plant makes a sound as it grows, so I looked up the wiki for hollyhocks only to be doubly confounded that there was nothing about any sort of whooshing sound as they grew.


And here I decided to not continue dating someone because he told me he had two cockatoos…maybe I judged him wrong?

You should have asked to see the cockatoos before making a final decision.

This board is the BEST. ENTERTAINMENT. EVER!

Thank you for that. If Douglas Adams was still alive, he would have put that last sentence into the 8th Hitchhiker Trilogy book. Somehow you channeled him and we got a tantalizing taste of what would have been.

I wish to subscribe to your newsletter, and anxiously await your very next psychic episode.

I have nothing but the highest respect for cat groomers. I have three cats, and trying to keep just three groomed (including their kitty claws, which the cats intend to keep as long and pointy as possible) is more than I can handle. Grooming cats is not an easy job!