Seriously, I hope you are up to date on your tetanus shots.
One of the best parts of getting older is the ever-improving stories you tell of how you earned each piece of battle damage.
By the time you’re bald that scar will have come from the *second *time you 'rassled that damn Grizzly.
I work in a machine shop, sharp or hot scary tools and metal bits everywhere. I average 3-4 band aids a week.
So far the real soldering irons we use haven’t attacked me yet. I mean the copper tipped irons that you heat red hot in a furnace. None of the mamby pamby plug in thingies…
Last night I was etching a model horse (Using an exacto knife to carefully scrape the paint off to create a hair pattern) …something I have been doing for YEARS… and somehow sliced my finger open. It looks like a little mouth on the side of my middle finger…
Oh hell, that’s nothing 
Bears are child’s play!
Remember when I rode that moose? Used his antlers for reins.
We actually do have moose that visit us and mow our ‘lawn’. It’s nice. Got to be careful though, as big as they are, they are scary quiet. Not many bears lately.
Just how does a moose behave when he sees a human? At least in the humans’ domain.
Okay, okay. It was a long time ago and I was young and stupid. I had this pair of scissors with metal blades and I thought the blades were too cold for some reason, so I decided to leave the scissors on the heater to warm them up. I forgot about them for a while, and when I took the scissors off the heater, I pressed the blades against my hand to see how warm they were, and they were so hot I was left with a small burn mark.
Eek! For a moment there I thought you had incendiary scissors.
I got one of those mouths last Christmas. I was rotary-cutting and my mind and hand wandered, so the cutter blade sliced my left thumb kind of horizontally, and left a nice smile. It got seven stitches, matching the seven stitches on the smile on my right palm from falling on a broken bottle in second grade. 
Now I use a Klutz glove.
Oh. I was going to ask if the klutz wants it back.
I’ve got one that combines two of the best stories in this thread.
I was installing a floor and zipped a wood screw into the pad of my left index finger. There were some fleshy bits hanging out of the hole in my finger and I didn’t think stuffing them back in would help anything.
My solution was to snip them off with a small pair of scissors. However, I didn’t want to risk infection, so I heated the scissors up on the gas stove.
I then burnt my right hand picking up the hot scissors, a little bit later I burst one of the burn blisters using the (now cooled) scissors to excise the dangly meaty bits.
Note: When trying to remove a recalcitrant plug from an extension cord, don’t use all-metal scissors.
About this time last year I had a cow that was sick. I needed to seperate her from the other cows but still allow her to see them so I began to put up a temporary fence using metal t-posts and panels. T-posts are driven in the ground using a post driver. It is a metal pipe usually slightly larger in diameter than the post, capped at the top and has handles on either side. The one I have was made by my Dad. He was from the “bigger is better” school of engineering so used a 5" pipe, 3/4" steel rods for handles and capped it with a 3" thick disc. The thing weighs about 60lbs.
It was nearly midnight and very cold. As I hurried to put in the last post bringing the driver down a bird flew out of the shed behind me and I ducked. Problem is I ducked away from a tiny little bird and under the decending post driver. I saw stars and possibly entire galaxies on my way to the ground. It took me a bit to figure out what had happened. My first thought was that for some unknown reason there was an underground powerline that I had hit. I didnt hurt anywhere but my limbs didnt want to listen to my directions as I flopped on the ground. After a few minutes (?) I was able to pull myself up and finish the job. I had a headache and a stiff neck for awhile but the dent in the top of my head is gone now.