I just got bitchslapped by a school full of kids

You have my sympathy and my admiration,if I ever tried to do your job I’d be locked up for multiple murder after about two days.

I’ve always thought that it would be a good idea to wire up the kids.
Give the teach any backchat and you get a few thousands volts earthing through you.
But every time I raise this point I get all the bloody “Do Gooders” on my back.

Bastards!

You didn’t say in the OP how old these schoolkids are… So assuming the lowest common denominator (Kindergarten/1st grade), I think this website can be relevant:

http://www.howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com/

My number is a measly 18. I’m 6’2" and in pretty good shape, so I’m guessing it’s my ethical reservations that are keeping me from rampaging through them :slight_smile:

I see that later down, these kids are specified as being 11-14 YO in age range or so. Which makes it much harder to beat them down en masse: by now, they’re nearing adult size, and probably have at least a rudimentary ability to coordinate attacks strategically, even without a tactical leader in charge.

With all those adolescent hormones going through them, their ethical bars are probably at an all time low, too, so you might have to resort to fighting dirty sooner rather than later to avoid getting your eyes gouged or crotch indented.

Since you’re probably still heavier and taller than they are, the best advice is to circle around, keep them at a small distance, and try to get them one at a time and avoid getting your back to a wall where they can trap/pin you down with their numbers. Once you get one by himself, use your weight and height to slam him into something heavy, hoping to disable him quickly, or if necessary, to throw him back into the crowd of kids to disperse them.

That hadn’t actually occurred to me, but makes perfect sense. One of the reasons I may not have thought about it is that I think it’s more applicable to boys than to girls (although that’s just my impression; I could be entirely wrong), and I’ve never been a boy (that’s a fact; I’m not wrong about this).

I remember my then-15-year-old daughter complaining about a 14-year-old boy she sometimes encountered being completely obnoxious towards her. My husband explained to her about boys that age, and the stew of hormone-related emotions they’re feeling, and having trouble figuring out what to do with those emotions.

A friend of mine who’s been teaching for many years has an excellent way of preparing her classes for subs: bribery. She’s a fabulous cook, and so she promises the kids some of her homemade cookies if they behave, and not just for planned absences – if she gets a good report after an unexpected absence, they’ll still get the cookies. Apparently this has worked at both junior and senior high levels.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t help you much as a sub unless you plan to be subbing in Miami any time soon.

I’m working towards getting my Emergency Sub. Credentials in California. I did it for a few years, here in AZ. I was placed mostly in the middle schools, and I definately had my share of rowdy classes. The worst was in a temporary trailer. If they turned the lights off, it was a free fire zone, until I could wade through and turn the lights on again. Administration was supremely uninterested in hearing about who had clubbed who with a backpack, etc. It was assumed to be my job to be the riot police, no back up.

I quit getting jobs when it was discovered I was pagan, I had a pentacle fall out of my shirt, and a hispanic freaked out about satanism, told his parents, who called the school, and I was dragged in to explain the symbol. District never called me for jobs, after that.

Dave, two words: Pop Quiz.

You have the class planner for the course you are subbing in. Make up a ten or twenty question pop quiz, on the spot, on as many obscure details as you can find in the planner and/or your knowledge of the subject being taught. Tell the little shits that it is worth 20% of their semester grade, and that it is being given simply because of their unacceptable behavior.

Then cackle madly. :smiley:

Have to agree with the posts about how good your experience will be is tied directly to the quality of the teacher you’re subbing for. At my high school, teachers usually have 5 classes to teach, one period for prep, and one as “administrative duty.” (Admin is usually study hall, hall monitoring, etc. while the teacher is here. But, a teacher with hall monitoring will get pulled in to sub if another teacher is out.) The times I have subbed, there are teachers for whom I hatehateHATE subbing for - cause their lesson plans suck when they’re there, and are non-existent when they’re not. A good teacher leaves more work than can possibly be done when they’re out.

As for the bribing idea - hey, it works! I don’t bribe the kids with cookies, but I do offer that their behavior while I’m out will be graded.

That all said, some kids are just plain schmucks. There was one class last year I could have throttled some of the kids. The kids were 10th graders (14-15 y/o) and I had to treat them as misbehaving 8-9 y/o’s. It was just a bad combination of personalities - too many of the kids liked to try to set each other off. I usually try to be a reasonably nice fellow, but this class quickly went to if you even speak / get out of your seat without being called on, you get a detention with me.