I just got my private investigator license. What kind of car should I get?

I’m launching my own computer forensics consulting business. My first public announcement that I’m open for business will be on Monday, via social media and email to folks in the local security community. In the State of MO, if you want to produce forensic findings for clients for use in legal proceedings, you have to be a licensed private investigator. I just got my license in the mail today. Woo-hoo! I’m official!

Now, the tough question: what type of car do I get? There are only two options.

PS: Thanks to everyone who helped me name my business and gave me advice, especially Sunny Daze.

Gold Firebird, no question.

Sorry - the only correct answer is fastback mustang

853 okg

I’m not a copper. I’m a private eye.


Yeah seriously, some of the people here need to recalibrate their private-investigator-understanding apparatus. The whole idea is to not draw attention to yourself. What this guy needs is this 1987 Oldsmobile Cutlass Salon. A car like that is old enough to not draw attention in sketchy areas, but also presentable enough to actually look…presentable…if you need to do that. It only has 19,000 miles on it so it will last a very long time as long as you maintain it properly.

Black Suburban!

Congratulations!!! (When did your name change?)

I’m telling you, black Suburban screams “police”. You want to be like Mike Ehrmantraut on Breaking Bad. You need the kind of car he drives.

A 1948 Ford Vedette.

A scuffed-up old Crown Vic with at least one mismatched part.

An old yellow bug a la blood simple/lebowski.

I don’t know,

Which has the most space by the windscreen to store old fast-food wrappers and parking tickets?
Which has a boot that can be opened from the inside when you inevitably get locked in it by goons?
Which has the necessary starting unreliability to introduce dramatic tension as the irate husband approaches?

1920 Locomobile Dual Cowl Phaeton

If you want to throw them a little, try a 1993 Volvo sedan. With ski racks. Powder Blue.

1959 Ford pickup truck, sea-foam green except for one dull yellow fender, with black 8" steel I-beams for bumpers. Oh, yes, mount a canvas over steel-frame tent above the bed.

Damn kids, can’t recognize classic TV cars if they were run over by the things! :stuck_out_tongue:

Gold Firebird. The Ferarri only works if you plan on investigating bad guys in Hawai’i. The firebird will bring you mad props, and plenty of girls, in the Show Me State.

But if you don’t master the reverse J-turn, you bring shame to your profession. Master the turn!

I know a PI, and was at his house a couple weeks ago. I noticed and asked about three or four old beater cars parked there. When he’s working a case, he wants different vehicles so as not to arouse suspicion.

Thanks! I changed my name about a week ago: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=858539

I’ll PM you the link to my site :slight_smile:

I know! No respect for the culture. You make a good point about the Firebird getting me female attention, but as a married 45 year old, that’s not my highest priority. I’ll have to tweak the suspension like they did on the show so I can do the Rockford turn.

But what if you’re the kind of private investigator who only solves impossible crimes? Then you can just show up in a Packard convertible to deliver exposition.

You seemed to have left a critically important bit of information out of the OP … it’s wasn’t made clear to me you’re as handsome as James Garner and could get by driving a damn Pontiac … that’s soooooooo middle class … except for your god-like beauty, you’ll be attracting middle class customers who can’t keep their own lil’ desk top computer from getting infected every ten minutes … ouch …

I voted Ferrari because this SCREAMS success … once you’ve cleaned up the billionaire’s lil’ desktop … he/she will send you over to the office to clean up that 10,000 parallel CPU unit that seems to spew cyrillic every other day … next thing you know the billionaire is handing you the keys to the Lear jet because the same problem crops up in the Singapore office, the Capetown office and the Amsterdam office … 'cause … you know …

… you’re driving a Ferrari …