Dangit, I hate it when a joke goes awry because I’m a victim of the American educational system. At least I learned something out of it, thanks! 
the leprechaun tells me to burn things.
Where are you, in the northern hemisphere, that you are growing teak, sugar and eucalyptus?
Just curious, is all!
Australia? 
What am I missing? Isn’t Australia in the Southern Hemisphere?
(You confused me so much, I got my giant atlas out to check!)
Look at the bright side, now you both have your special song…
You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn’t get much higher…
Ooops, I was thinking the northern half OF Australia. (Eucalpytus = Koalas = Australia)
The part that’s near Canada?
Well, to be fair, neighboring Indonesia is partially in the Northern Hemisphere, so it’s not that egregious an error.
Central Thailand.
And I confess that, although my wife is smoking hot, referring to her as “pyromaniac” was an exaggeration to make a thread title. She’s actually quite clever and cautious, cleared breaks with her machete, calculated wind directions, etc. The only problem was the oversight that a barren-looking field of sugar stumps could catch fire. She called up our village headman (who owns the sugar) and asked him to come over. He came but didn’t even inspect his sugar stumps, preferring to drink whiskey with us and discuss village politics. And he bought the whiskey.
My wife’s deceased brother was an actual pyromaniac. She’s been getting jokes that his ghost paid her a visit.
Thanks for the suggestion that I have a “ticket to sex on demand, and an endless supply of your favorite meals” but she cooks gourmet meals for me every day and, despite that we’ve been married now for more than half her life, keeps a big smile on my face.
I believe it goes
You know that it would be untrue
you know that I would be a liar
if I were to say to you
I didn’t set your house on fire.
Thank you for posting this. I was genuinely confused by people suggesting that your wife owes you nonstop sex because you helped prevent a fire from burning down the neighbor’s property. Especially in light of the following from your OP (bolding mine):
Why was she burning stuff though? I know nothing about agriculture in Thailand and I’m intrigued.
Wow! What a story. No time to read the comments right now, but will later. Personally I love fire. I like to build them - I’m talking bon fires, not burning fields or anything like that. I’m the one that can’t stop poking at it and moving logs around, etc. Not a pyro, but I do think fire is a lot of fun, in a controlled manner…of course 
Some anthropologist FINALLY figured out that hunter-gatherers don’t sleep their full eight hours all in a row but spend some time shooting the shit and poking the fire. Fires need poking, even if they don’t, really, but the shower of sparks is SO COOL!
The main thing I got out of the Boy Scouts is how to build a fire. And then poke it.
Why would they be in the northern hemisphere? It’s summer there.
She was just burning weeds, the main reason being to avoid the risk of unintended fire when we’re away. Another reason is so we can walk through those fields easily, and to eliminate hiding places for snakes.
I grew up in towns and cities and still know almost nothing about agriculture, but there are several reasons for fires around here: Burning trash; Keeping warm during the 2 weeks of winter; Making smoke near animals to keep mosquitoes away. A relative once lit a small torch for smoke to rid a beehive of its bees so he could get the honey … and ended up setting a stranger’s sugarcane field on fire. (And it’s said that you shouldn’t make enemies when you’re growing cane, as they may set your field on fire in the middle of the night.)
But for the last few months, there has been one reason for the major fires in our area: Sugarcane fields are deliberately burned before the harvest! This always strikes me as very counter-intuitive; after all, sugar, the intended product of the cane, burns. But the cane would be much too difficult to cut if not first softened by the burning.
During the sugarcane harvest season, the air is frequently filled with black ash from the sugarcane fires – so much so that it’s a major aggravation for (cleanliness-obsessed) Mrs. Septimus. The Thais joke “We have snow in our country too: Black snow!” Burning a sugarcane field is done in afternoon or evening with a few dozen workers on hand to cut breaks and ensure the fire doesn’t spread beyond the field. It’s a bit scary when they burn the field next to our house. Conversely, my wife waited till they’d burned their field, removing that fuel, before she burned our weeds.
The roads are now full of trucks piled high with harvested cane. Sometimes one sees a capsized truck. I think the philosophy is: If your trucks never tip over, it means you’re not filling them full enough. :smack:
Thanks! That was very interesting!
Nah, fires can also be good. You married a country girl, which is also good.
If you burn a field with snakes in it, wouldn’t you kill the snakes? Or does it burn slowly enough that they can move out ahead of it?