I just scared the POOP out of a co-worker. Probably literally.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Many women will hate me for these two.

When my wife and I were dating and just started living together, April fools rolled around and I told her that my family was good at pranks, and April fools was one of my favorite days. Well, she said, you can’t get me.

Hey. It’s her fault. She challenged me.

While I was at work that day I had one of my co-workers call our answering machine and say “John, I know I’m not supposed to call this number…but we have to talk…I’m pregnant.” I figured that since our morning conversation she’d catch it, so I spaced it out. I went to lunch at the time she usually came home. When I came back my co-workers let me know that she had been calling every five minutes for the last hour, and had worked herself up into quite a frenzy. I even toyed with her for about thirty seconds when I called.

The second prank was when she was 2 weeks away from giving birth to our first. The Sixth Sense had just come out on rental. We saw it in the theater, but she liked it so much that we rented it. It really scared the heck out of her, and when she was going to bed that night, she left the bathroom light on, opened the shower curtain, checked twice to see the doors were locked, etc. etc. She even did the “Turn of the light then run and jump into bed” thing. Soon she was snoring away, and I got to work.

As some may know, I have a life-sized Rudy Boschwitz (R-MN-retired) doll. (It’s a long story) I dressed him up in a dress, put a nice wig on him, and made a sash that said “Miss April Fools 2000”. I put him into the bath tub and closed the curtain. Luckily, my sister was lucky enough to stop by in the morning and was able to enjoy the sight of a naked 9 month pregnant woman run screaming from a bathroom and halfway across a living room.

22

You’re evil NurseCarmen. Evil, evil. :smiley: Your story reminds me of my husband, who makes fun of my scardie-girl tippie-toe run. One night he was gone and startled me when he got home. I heard a noise and (not knowing it was him) scampered back down the hall. He likes to kid me that I think this maneuver is an effective monster-deterrant.

And you’re a good sport, TellMeI’mNotCrazy!

23

I did the same thing to a roommate my senior year of college. She worked as an airport shuttle driver, which meant she had to get up at 2AM to make it down to the van yard and start transporting travelers by 3:30. I put one of these in her bathtub and pulled the curtain shut. At ten after two, I and my other roommate were awakened by her bloodcurdling scream.

It took almost five years for her to find it funny. :smiley:

24

I’m a bad person to startle. I hit things that jump out at me.

One of my buddies once decided to surprise me while I was coming out of the bathroom. He knew I was into martial arts, so he screamed and jumped back, practically in the same move. He said he never saw me move, but I ended up with my fist about 1/4 of an inch away from his solar plexus. It was just about textbook form too. I don’t even remember making a decision to do it, it just happened. If he’d been less prepared for my reaction or a little slower, neither one of us would have had much to laugh about. Well, I might have giggled a bit as I watched him puke in shock and try to breathe.

It’s also a bad idea to wake me up by touching me, especially if I’m not in my own bed at home. I startled one of my girlfriends when she tried to wake me up. I’d fallen asleep in the back yard while sunbathing and she didn’t think anything about walking up to me and shaking my shoulder to wake me up. The first thing I saw was her yelping and stumbling back. Apparently, I heard her when she was about a step or two away, and I popped up off the ground so fast that she just about peed herself. I was actually up on my feet before I woke up all the way. I apologized for startling her and after that she always made really sure I was awake before she got too close to me. I guess I deserved being woken up by being pelted with balled-up dirty socks after that kind of a scare.

I find the stories I’ve seen here funny and I don’t actually mind being startled myself, but maybe because I have physically violent reactions to being startled, I don’t do it to others. I react like I’ve been attacked (duh, it is a virtual attack) but I don’t have much of an emotional reaction once I realize it’s not a real threat. Some of you guys are risking your butts sometimes in pulling tricks like that. You might get a Rich or a Sleel one of these times and not have enough buffer space. Guess the risk is worth it most of the time.

25

Just don’t report us to the hall monitor.

26

Aw, that is SO cute! Completely out of place for this thread!

27

My husband has a mean sense of humor, very mean.
I was wearing a pair of stretchy work out pants that were kind of old, and had gotten worn. There were tinyballs of fabric on the ass and the kness. (I hope ya’ll know what I mean) He thought I would be great to flick the my ass with a lighter. Why I have no idea, but he got much more than he bargained for. So, lighter in hand he flamed my ass. All the little balls of fuzz burst into flames. I had no idea what was going on, all I knew was that my ass was very very hot and my husband was in hysterics on the couch. I still haven’t forgiven him because I though I was spontaneously combusting (a really big fear of mine). He said it was quite pretty really, with quite a large flame. At least the pants are still fine.

28

That’s probably not something you really need to worry about; Cecil has spoken on this: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_205b.html

The bottom line seems to be that unless you get drunk or take tranquilizers with a cigarette in your hand, you’re pretty safe.

29

As kids my brothers and I were Monopoly fanatics and had mega-marathons on Saturday nights. Late one night we were playing the game in my bedroom with the door shut and my mother donned a vampire cape left over from Halloween, snuck down the stairs, threw the bedroom door open, extended her arms Dracula-style and screamed “DO NOT PASS GO!!!”

We all jumped out of our skin and screamed our heads off. Ah, good times!

30

I know, But I can’t just get it out of my head!!!

31

Wow! You have lived to tell these stories. I am very impressed.

32

At my summer camp about three years ago, I was cabinmates with a good friend named Jim. Jim is enormous, about a foot taller than me, and as I found out, easily startled. Jim liked to shower at night, because he said that there was always enough hot water to take a decent shower. One night, while Jim was in the shower building thing, I managed to wedge myself into a foot and a half space between the edge of his bed and the wall. I waited for about ten minutes, then heard the door to the cabin open and saw Jim walk in. Jim started to get dressed, and sat down on his bed so he could put on his pants. This is when I sprang, complete with snarling and yelling, out of the crawlspace and onto his bed. Jim screamed (like a little girl!), and collapsed into the fetal position, whimpering. One of our other cabinmates thought that this incident was so funny that he fell off of his bed (a bunk bed) laughing. Jim remained in the fetal position for about twenty minutes. After that, he always checked the crawlspace with a flashlight before he got into bed.
I have other exciting stories about Jim, but they’re a bit off topic, so I’ll save them for another time.

33

The head Honcho had a “Queen” secretary. Had one stall in ‘ladies’ room reserved for her own private use.
Some of the other ‘girls’ got fed up with her high and mighty ways.
A person or persons unknown stretched a sheet of clinging type plastic over the china ware in the dead of night, lowered the seat into place.
Next morning a larger traffic volume created a constant ‘full house’ condition till the queen appeared and retired to her private accomodations.
It was widely but quietly reported that there was very nearly an atomic explosion when the commode failed to accept deposits as expected. By the time she emerged, the last one of potential observers was beating a hasty retreat to avoid identification. No one dared to enter till after more than a hour afterward, when she departed and took the rest of the day off.

34

At least I know I’ll never have to worry about having the presence of mind to scream if I’m ever attacked - I shriek automatically when startled. It took a long time for my husband to learn not to come up from behind me while I was vacuuming, then suddenly speak.

A few months ago, my two year old was in the living room watching TV, while I puttered about cleaning, popping in and out of rooms to put things away. While it is quite bright in our kitchen, our bedroom is gloomy even during the day, but I didn’t bother turning on the light, since I was just stepping in to put something on the dresser. Three steps in, light-dazzled pupils registering the room as near blackness, and from inches in front of me, I hear a cheery, “Hi, Mommy!” And I leapt a foot in the air, letting out a piercing scream.

Last week Chloe was pointing at the corner of the garage, saying, “What’s that?” I’m rattling off nouns - gas can, rake, hose, etc., and finally look closer to see what she’s talking about - when a lizard jumps out at me* and of course, another jump and girly scream. Chloe thought it was hilarious.

Finally, she wanted me to chase her, but I was looking in vain for diaper cream in her closet. She yelled, “You can’t get me!” and I said distractedly, “Okay, I can’t get you,” and kept looking. I barely registered the sound of footsteps when a hearty bite on my ass sent me skyward, screaming. You know, it’s really hard to explain why biting is bad when you’re laughing hysterically.

*well, it moved vaguely in my direction

35

About 20 years ago, when I was a bank teller, the bank announced a Halloween party, complete with a costume contest. Having not participated in the holiday for years, I was excited. I scoured the city one afternoon looking for costume ideas before finding The Halloween Store. Great place!

Later that night I decided to check out my purchase. White makeup cream? I put it all over my face, according to directions. Then the black crayon. I drew in every faint wrinkle on my face, aging myself by a good 100 years. It was really cool. So then I put on the black floor-length robe. Awesome. I hung several things from the belt, including the sword. Looking good. The long grey beard came next. Then the hood. Then the tall black witch hat. This was a great costume!

Since my roommate was an acting student, I decided to get his professional opinion.

He was in his room with his back to the door, which was open. Instead of knocking, I just said “ummm…”

He turned around, slightly startled. I almost let out a little chuckle at how I’d startled him, and expected him to say “Oh, it’s you!” He didn’t. Instead, he started to back away, and he looked a little scared. He backed right into a piece of furniture and fell backwards over it. That worried me, so I lunged into the room to help him up. Then he looked really scared, and started crawling backwards at a frantic pace, yelling what I think was “Allah save me! Allah save me!”

36

Here in Bama, we sometimes get these big ass cockroaches in our house. Well, one time I had my sister staying with us, and as our home was a bit small, she had to sleep on the sofa. DH spotted a roach in our room, so I went to the kitchen to get a flyswatter to kill it with. Sis was sitting on the couch with her back against the arm and her feet stretched out along the cushions. So by way of a mild prank, I fluttered the hair over one of her ears with that floppy flyswatter.

What I thought would happen: She’d gasp, rear back, see me with the flyswatter laughing, and realize it was a joke. Ha, ha, very funny.

What actually DID happen: She shrieked, flapping at her ear frantically, and LEAPED from the couch directly into the middle of my living room, while still flapping at her ear.

I collapsed into the nearest chair, having lost the strength to stand, laughing helplessly. As I gasped for air, Sis snapped, “It’s not f*ckin’ funny, Carla!” Oh, but I could not STOP laughing, and in a few moments, she, too, was laughing–though certainly not with my enthusiasm! :smiley: