LOL. Careful, dear, I’m not ready for Depends yet.
Thanks for the great laughs, Lissa. I’m sorry you have to deal with people like that, but I’ve been laughing my butt off reading this thread! I hope Opal puts this on her Page 'o Funnies, because it belongs there!
::falls off chair laughing his ass off::
I feel for ya, I really do. I deal with calls like that all the time, but instead of broken TVs, dishes, cable, or computers, I have to hear about poor sick or injured animals! I recently took a call from a man who stated that his Persian kitten didn’t seem to be doing well. For the last several days he had been working a lot and didn’t have time to pay attention to the kitten. He noticed it was sleeping a lot. The night he called me, he said he took a close look at the kitten. It was laying on its side and was non-responsive to him, even when he clapped his hands loudly right in front of its face. It wouldn’t eat or drink. So, the owner decided that he WOULD GO TO THE MOVIES, and see how the kitten was when he got back. It was still in the same spot, still non-responsive, and now the owner was wondering if there might be some problem, and do I think it could wait till Monday morning. He had looked up some information on the Internet and he was positive his kitten did not have feline AIDS or leukemia. I strongly advised him to bring the kitten in right away, but he never showed.
It is also rather amazing/alarming how many people can’t even tell when their animal is DEAD.
I swear, I wonder how half these idiots manage to make it through the day.
At this point, you tell her you will call the technicians, and someone will be by to take the box from her, as she is too stupid to own such an advanced piece of technology.
Lissa, I truly feel for you. Stupidity of that caliber is common here. I have had people call me and say “My power supply is on fire, what should I do?” Maybe get a fire extinguisher or call 911.
“My system is underwater, should I go unplug it?” Sure wade in to hip deep water and unplug a high voltage appliance.
“My electrician just electrocuted himself and fried our system when can you guys fix it?” I could hear an ambulance crew in the background trying to resuscitate the electrician.
You are not alone with the stupidity. Good luck.
Lissa, I’m so sorry my mother-in-law called you! We try not to let her use the phone, but it’s hard to watch her every minute…
I was on the phone with her today and she wanted to know what size my son wears.
Me: Oh, about a 6, sometimes 7 if it’s cut small.
Her: But he’s only 4
Me: You know how those kid’s clothes are, plus he’s pretty big for his age.
Her: But Johnny (my husband) always wore the right size.
Me: Well, Johnny is kind of small
(thinking to myself, wtf is the “right” size?)
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Yep, all of his clothes are 6 or 7
Her: They must be too big, no 4 year old is that big.
Me: Nicholas is, he’s up to 46 inches now.
Her: Oh, that can’t be right, Johnny was always small for his age.
Me: I’m tall, and everybody in my family is tall.
Her: Well how about I buy him 5’s, he can wear them next year.
Me: 5’s barely fit, it’s not worth the money.
Her: It’s my money.
Me: Fine then, do what you want
(thinking, some poor size 5 child is going to have a very nice wardrobe this year.)
Next week, I’ll relate the exciting tale: Tatertot explains to Mother in Law how it can be cold in Heidelberg yet warm in Memphis!
[quote]
I’m assuming you work in a call center, so how did this woman manage to reach you every time she called back? [\quote]
No, I’m in a small office that sells and installs satellite systems. At the time, I was the only one in the office.
Oh, but don’t you wanna hear the rest of it? I get to work in the morning, and the installer calls me from the road. Did I have the woman’s address? No, I said, I thought HE had gotten that information from the files before he left. Well, he asked, could I call her?
I remembered having her phone number the day before. It was on a little blue Post-It, and I remembered wadding it up, and tossing it in the trash. I looked over at the trash can, and groan to see it empty.
I lost our customer data base in a horrible Lotus accident a couple of months ago, and haven’t got it all back up yet. At this point I have two choices since she’s not in the phone book. 1) Go back through six month’s worth of paperwork to find the invoice, or 2) go fishing in the Dumpster.
The invoce wasn’t there. At some point, or other it must have gotten lost. After looking for almost an hour, I gave up, and went out back. The trash had just been taken out that morning, I reasoned, so it must be right on top. It won’t take a minute to find it! I grabbed a wooden pallet, leaned it up against the Dumpster to use as a make-shift ladder, and climbed in, rooting through the piles of wet, clumpy paper, tangles of wire, and pounds of cigarette butts. It was no where to be found. There were thousands, it seemed, of little blue notes, but none of them was ever the right one. I started seperating into different piles, getting madder and madder as I went. It started raining.
At some point, I heard a sound behind me, turned, and it was one of our part-time installers, peering down at me, his eyes wide. I just made a face at him, and went back to digging. As he walked away, I let out a shriek of “I FOUND IT!” and lept out of the Dumpster.
I call the installer back, give him her phone number, and he goes out to her house. It takes him less than five minutes to discern that she has the batteries upside down in the remote.
Oh, this is TOO funny to be true! C’mon, Lissa, you made that up, didn’t you? (j/k) Someone invoke Opal’s name. This one has GOT to go on the Page-o-Funnies!
How did this lady survive into adulthood? You think that she might try to blow dry her hair in the bathtub or something.
You went through all that work just for her number? I think you deserve a raise Lissa 
Dear lord in heaven. Let’s all hope this woman isn’t so fetching that someone will be encouraged to let her in on “the Adult Conspiracy”.
Alas, Darwinian pressures do not always prevent some folks from breeding.
–Baloo
Lordy Lou! My 6-year-old knows how to put batteries into the remote properly!
Lissa, I nominate you for sainthood.
Saint Lissa, Patron Saint of Cow-Cussedness.
Michi wrote:
“I recently took a call from a man who stated that his Persian kitten didn’t seem to be doing well. For the last several days he had been working a lot and didn’t have time to pay attention to the kitten. He noticed it was sleeping a lot. The night he called me, he said he took a close look at the kitten. It was laying on its side and was non-responsive to him, even when he clapped his hands loudly right in front of its face. It wouldn’t eat or drink. So, the owner decided that he WOULD GO TO THE MOVIES, and see how the kitten was when he got back. It was still in the same spot, still non-responsive, and now the owner was wondering if there might be some problem, and do I think it could wait till Monday morning. He had looked up some information on the Internet and he was positive his kitten did not have feline AIDS or leukemia.”
One is sorely tempted to quote from Monty Python’s Dead Parrot sketch right about now…(“It’s pining for the fjords”)
Seriously, Michi, I admire you for the job you do, not only in helping poor defenseless pets, but dealing with some of the morons who own them. I can’t for the life of me figure out how a pet owner could, on the one hand, be sophisticated enough to use a computer, do searches on the internet about feline AIDS and leukemia, and yet not be able to clue into the fact that their pet is dead–It hasn’t moved in hours…Is it breathing?
Oh yes, and take the time to do computer searches, and go to the movies instead of taking your cat to the vet? I really hope that this person:
a) was playing a (bad and tasteless) joke on you
or
b) is sterile (I do NOT want this person raising a child)
As to Lissa’s situation: Kudos to you, Lissa. No way in hell I’d have dived in a dumpster to help someone I just knew was an idiot. I really hope there’s such a thing as Karma, for your sake.
Oh, and perhaps someone ought to tell this woman that the batteries will have to be changed after a certain period of time, so as to save you another phone call down the line.