I just spoke with the stupidest woman on God's green Earth

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m at work. The phone rings, I answer, and this woman starts talking about how her satellite won’t work.

Me: “What’s the problem.”
Her: “I can’t change channels, and the Discover Channel is gone! I can’t get it!”
Me: “Okay, well, let’s see if we can’t fix it. Open the door on the front of the reciever and pull out the card.”
Her: “What card?”
Me: “On the front of your reciever there’s a little door. Open it.”
Her: “Oh! Okay. That little credit card thing?”
Me: “Yes. Pull it out.”
Her: “Okay. It’s out.”
Me: “Now unplug the reciever.”
Her: “What?”
Me: “The reciever. The Box. Unplug it.”
Her: “Where? On the back?”
Me: “No, unplug the power.”
Her: “On the back?”
Me: “No. Pull the plug out of the power outlet.”
Her: “Oh! Okay! I pulled it out. Nothing happened. The green light is still on.”
Me: “Are you sure you unplugged the right thing?”
Her: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Me: “And the power is still on? It’s functioning WITHOUT POWER?”
Her: “Yes.”

At this point I knew I had either a complete idiot on the phone, or her reciever had been possessed by demons.

Me: “Are you SURE that you pulled the right plug?”
Her: “Yes, I’m sure. It’s the thin white cord, right?”
Me: “No, ma’am, that’s your phone line. The power! Unplug the power. The electric! You know, that thing on the wall where you plug in a cord to make something run?”

(Long pause) Her: “Okay, I got it.”
Me: “The green light is out?”
Her: “What green light?”
Me: “The green light on the front of the box that says if it’s on or not.”
Her: “Uhm . . . . I don’t see any light.”
Me: “Okay. Now, let it sit like that for five minutes, then put the card back in, and plug it back in to the POWER outlet, okay? If it doesn’t work, call me back.”
Two point three seconds later, the phone rings. It’s her.

Her: “Uhm, did you say to put the card in BEFORE I plugged it in, or AFTER?”
Me: “Put the card in, and then plug it in.”
Her: “Oh! Okay! I plugged it in. It’s not working.”
Me: “Did you put in the card?”
Her: “What card?”
Me: “The card that you took out of it! The little crdit card thingy.”
Her: “Oh, that? No.”
Me: “Put it in.”
Her: “Where?”
Me: “In the slot on the front of your box.”
Her: “What slot?”
Me: “THE SLOT YOU TOOK IT OUT OF. ON THE FRONT OF THE BOX!”
Her: “Oh! Okay. There it goes. It’s on now.”
Me: “Good. Now try to change the channel.”
Her: “It won’t change. I’m stuck on the Discovery Channel, now.”
Me: “Okay, try changing the channels by pushing the buttons on the front of your box.”
Her: “What buttons?”
Me: “The buttons that are on the FRONT OF YOUR BOX! There’s one that says CH and has an up arrow, and one that says CH that has a down arrow. Push one of those.”
Her: “I don’t see any buttons.”
Me: “No buttons?” ALL of the boxes we have have channel buttons on the front of the box. “What kind of system do you have?”
Her: (long silence) “I don’t know.”
Me: (giving up) “Well, maybe you don’t have buttons. I’ll call a technition, and see if we can’t get someone out there to fix it. I’ll call you back.”

I called the installer, and he sighed. “I remember her . . . Oh, GOD! Well, tell her I’ll be there tomorrow.”

I called her back, and relayed that information. “But what will I do tonight?” she asked. “I can’t be stuck on the Discover Channel! I hate the Discovery Channel!”

Then why call and bitch that you can’t get it? “I’m sorry, ma’am,” I said, but it’s 4:30, and everybody’s getting ready to go home. There’s nothing we can do for you tonight."

I could hear the panic in her voice as she sputtered on and on about how she couldn’t watch the Discovery Channel all night. “There’s nothing I can do,” I said, “Sorry. Have a nice evening,” and hung up.

My GOD! I can’t believe anyone can BE that stupid. I’ve never been so frustrated in my life.

2

You have my abundant sympathy, Lissa. Feel any better after gettin it out of you system?

3

Hey lady, gimme a break! I don’t know what the hell card you’re talking about…hopefully there will be a documentary about it on Discovery tonight!!! :wink:

4

Lissa, you must follow up on this for us. Especially since the technician knew who this woman was, and his reaction indicates that she does, indeed, have the IQ of a clamwich.

I, for one, am dying to know just what the problem was with her system. For all we know, she was trying to change channels on her microwave oven.

Please, Lissa, don’t leave us hanging. As one who regularly deals with the cow-like mentality of customers, I simply must know the outcome of this.

Thanks.

5

Ok… I don’t think I have giggled this bad since reading about the Hamster that hit the ceiling in the other thread.
Isn’t it amazing how stupid people are? I wonder if that was my mom you talked to…I’m afraid she is quite… umm… errr… blonde…:rollseyes:

6

Hey! I represent that remark!

7

Lissa, I know you don’t think it’s funny, but I’m dying over here! That’s hilarious!

Thanks, babe.

8

Had your identity not said you were from Ohio, I would have thought you worked for DishNetwork. That was the way my typical day went while working for them! I truly feel for you!!! Hope your day gets better.

9

Working for the phone company, I can sympathize completely with you. There are some real fruit loops out there. Did you want to reach through the phone and slap her?

Did she ever plug the phone line back into the jack?

10

I am willing to bet the woman had low or dead batteries in her remote.
Let us Know when you find out!
I need Closure!

Osip

11

Uhm… am I crazy, or is this impossible? It must have been another cord she unplugged, since she was still on the phone with you.

I loved the story, just thought I’d point that out :wink:

12

Coldfire:

The phone line is plugged from the jack into the back of her reciever, to allow downloads of new channels and such. It wasn’t the line she was talking on.

This woman is as dumb as a box of rocks. She called me back twice before I left, once to ask when the appointment was, and once to tell me that it stormed last night and that might be what messed up her system. Yeah, lady, it was a state-wide storm, and we live in the same * town. [\i] I saw it. I was here. Sheesh!

13

I’m surprised that she noticed the storm.
Thunder? Lightning? Hail? Nope, musta missed those - I was trying to get the Discovery Channel to tune in.

14

Hey Coldy, over here in the first world, where we have multiple phones and color photography the converter boxes/recievers typically have a phone line connected to the wall. Its used for updtaes and ordering pay-per-view movies using the on screen display. The phone was likely a cordless plugged into a jack acorss the room or down teh hall.

15

I worked tech support for an ISP for a little over a year, so I have first hand experience with dumbasses like that…

But… ummmm… I’m assuming you work in a call center, so how did this woman manage to reach you every time she called back?

16

Oh, jeez. And I thought some of MY users were dumber’n a box of rocks.

Lissa, you win the quarterly Incredibly Stupid User award.

If you enjoy this sort of thing, check out the Computer Stupidities page.

Oy. :rolleyes:

17

Yes, we have her evil twin here too. Helpdesk is fun! :rolleyes:

Actually there are quite a few people who are totally helpless, despite all we can do.

One favourite is the well-meaning airhead whose brain cells are mostly on vacation, and work shifts while they’re at home, so you never get to talk to more than a third at a time.

And then there’s the woman who graduated from Berkeley in 1970. Her c.v. doesn’t mention the major in recreational chemistry, but it’s pretty obvious when you try to get her to do anything with her computer.

Oh, well, most of our calls are OK.

18

Could you imagine Wally and that woman trying to have cyber-sex?

19

It would be like watching two blind people with a brick wall between them try to undress each other.

20

Okay, that did me in. I’m giggling for the rest of the night now, every time I think of that.