What are the odds He’ll reply?
Well, here I am! Is this reply OK?
Oh… you don’t mean me. Ah.
I’ll take my ego elsewhere.
Zero percent apparently. I’m going to bed; night all.
Bill H., I think the trick to attracting Cecil to your thread (unless there’s some other He you’re waiting on) is something like flying, according to Douglas Adams. According to DNA, you can’t consciously do it; you just throw yourself at the ground (without thinking about how much it’s going to hurt when you land), distract yourself at the crucial moment and forget to hit the ground.
Maybe if you started a thread about a bottle of retsina you lost at a Greek airport or something…
He’ll reply.
Well, we were in the same virtual room at the same time.
So close and yet so far.
My friend,
Cecil is not found by looking. You could ask for Him to reply to you in every thread, every day, and he would not do it. You must know that Cecil exists in your heart. If you believe in Cecil, truly, nothing is impossible for you. You’ll rebut spam and glurge. You’ll know why grapenuts contain neithe grape nor nuts, and how pigeons have sex. You will have knowledge of all things wonderous and perverted.
There are those who have seen Cecil and His posts and still disbelieve. “He is not real, but an invention of Zotti”, they say. If Cecil would answer their question himself, they would not believe. Do not be deceived by them, for they confuse the servant with the master. Ed posts all the time, but he has no authority except what Cecil gives him. Listen to Ed, who serves the master, and do not bitch too much to him about pay to post, because he has heard it all before.
How can anyone deny Cecil’s greatness? Didn’t He provide Ed to us to guide us, and provide Jerry to feed the hamsters and keep them running? Didn’t He provide us with Lynn and Tuba to ban the trolls, and Dex, who everyone forgets is an administrator? Didn’t He give us the moderators to close threads, to bitch to, and accuse of Fascism? How could anyone deny Cecil’s goodness to us?
Have faith, and know that Cecil is coming soon.
He should be here. He didn’t say for sure he’d come. And if he doesn’t come, we’ll come back tomorrow. And then the day after tomorrow.
Lurkers rejoice! The Great One is one of you!!
You know, the Captain makes Cecil sound a whole lot like the Canadian [sub]All Rise:[/sub] Minister of Transport.
The Minister (He is never called anything but exactly that) rules with an iron intellect through the Zotti-analogue Art LaFlamme (the director of civil aviation). In documentation, the Minister actually appears fleetingly, all the actual throne-speeches coming from Art.
Phrases such as these are common:
“…as the Minister deems appropriate.”
“…or as approved by the Minister.”
“…shall submit a report to the Minister.”
“…until it is cancelled by the Minister.”
The Minister is always referred to in the third person. He never appears, never betrays his true nature- even pilot’s licences are signed by Art, though they be the sacred gifts of the Minister. (If I could get his autograph on mine…)
The Minister is all-powerful, all-knowing, mysteriously anonymous, and entirely safe.
(Some speculate that the Minister does not really exist. This is ridiculous- it is also unsafe.)
I have not yet been baptised into the community of Cecil-believers, but my faith in the Minister burns brightly.
As the Minister spake:
Know Safety, No Pain.
No Safety, Know Pain.
wolfstu.
Some also speculate that Sherlock Holmes never existed. And there are others who acknowledge that he lived but maintain that he died. Some are like that.
Somewhere Samuel Beckett smiles.
And if he doesn’t smile, maybe he will tomorrow.
Hmm, now there’s a Moody Blues song in my head. Not bad, thanks Bill.
I’ve heard He has a love for money but in the last thread of this sort I participated in I tried to bribe him by promising to buy books if he replied. All of them if it was a real nice one. But he held his greed in check. 
Although now would be a good time for him to take me up on the offer.
Unfortunately I imagine he’s sitting on a mountain peak in the Grand Tetons drinking cocktails with D. B. Cooper. Or he’s still at that diner I was at last week. A real out of the way place. I think it was called The Domain of the King Bar & Grill.