Because they don’t, they’re not sure.
A few years ago, some genius interpreted the latest Spanish census as “any case in which a household has two and only two adults of the same gender who are not related in the first degree is a same-sex relationship.” That didn’t go down well: about 1/10 of those “same sex relationships” were related in the second degree; many more which weren’t related were flatmates who had no interest in seeing each other naked.
I would take the if it comes up approach. Like others have mentioned here. Do this and before you know it everyone will now. I can see with the people that are closest to you may want to bring it up at a family dinner. Just to get it out of the way. From what I’ve heard from gay friends it’s a great weight lifted off their soldiers.
This is a very glib and unrealistic response. Your equation of simply telling people to coming out “with trumpets blaring” is unhelpful, inaccurate and needlessly hostile.
I dunno; I’ve never been the one doing the inviting. I probably should have mentioned that this is people in the 60 year old range - it literally might not have occurred to some of them that their sister might be a lesbian (although you’d think the sensible shoes and haircut would have tipped them off at some point 
).
Everyone does that to me :rolleyes:
My housemate is actually… just a housemate. Everyone assumes we’re a couple because we’ve known each other for years and have far too many weird in-jokes (both pretty well bi- just not attracted to each other dammit!).
That’s one reason it’s good for people to find out what your real relationship is, it’s frakkin annoying when people get it wrong. Especially when the rumours start getting around to people you barely know but are attracted to.
I’d say let the rumour mill do the hard work for you. Phone the people who would be terribly upset to find out ‘late’, and just let the rest find out from them. And try not to make a big deal out of it; if you act like it’s massively important, they’re more likely to react like it’s massively important, and that could wind up being painful.
I agree 100% with not making it that important. I don’t think my uncle ever made a big deal out of it. Nothing even happened with tthe homophobes in the family, as I there wasn’t any one point where it could have happened.
It was not at all what is shown on TV about people coming out.
I disagree with the people who say this should be done by email, there are some things that need/should be done face to face, this is one of them, at least to your closest relatives or friends.
Everyone else will quickly find out through the grapevine anyway.
I do realise the OP lives on the opposite side of the continent to his family but I still think something like this should be done in person, if only to judge the other persons reactions.
Well, you could do it the way I did, back in 1963.
Go visit your parents. Receive a very steamy letter from your lover, and accidentally leave it on the little table next to your bed. Your mother will find it, read it, and ask whether you need therapy. Even though you don’t, she’ll send you to a very renowned therapist who will, after three sessions, tell your mother that she should accept you the way you are. Once your mother accepts you, the rest of the family will know.
It worked for me.
And by the way, do NOT do this by e-mail.
Cat Whisperer, are we related? There’s a similar situation in my family (sans kids, but several long-term “roommates”). It’s just Not Discussed . . . but the relative and whatever partner she had at the time have always been welcomed to gatherings and considered part of the family. (Even if there were occasional whisperings about Cousin Jane and “how she is . . . you know.”)
Funny, I was talking to my mom about this a while back and just said it outright: “Mom, of course Cousin Jane is gay.” (Mom is pretty close to Cousin Jane.) Mom still insisted on waffling: “Well, gee, I don’t think you can say that for sure . . .” :rolleyes: Come on!
The only person you have to tell you are gay is a potential date.
Other than that…it’s your business.
If it comes up: “I’m gay.”
And. You. Stop.
Do NOT feed into the bullshit that you have to “come out” or “explain yourself.”
Do straight people have to come out? Do they have to explain themselves?
Then you sure as shit DO. NOT. HAVE. TO.
Mind your own business and let others MIND THEIRS.
I’m in the tell the ones who would be upset if they found out from someone else first camp.
My step-daughter came out to her dad, brother and me when she was seventeen. It didn’t come as a surprise to any of us. She never has come out formally to the grandparents, although my dad has figured it out. There was no coming out to her niece and nephew; they’ve grown up with Aunt T and Aunt L and my granddaughter was even one of the flower girls at the wedding. She doesn’t hide it from extended family, but doesn’t tend to tell them unless asked directly.
All families are different and YMMV, but if you come out to the folks (whatever way you decide to do it), it likely won’t be that big of a jump to introduce them to the love of your life when the time comes. If they don’t already suspect, it will give them a bit of time to come to terms with your orientation before being confronted with the fact, as Markxxx put it, that you’re gay and DOING something about it.
Well, I don’t know your personal situation, but…
My brother came out last year. He didn’t (and doesn’t) fit any of the “gay” stereotypes, which of course are bullshit to begin with. But when he told me and our parents, all of us were just like “Yeah…we kinda knew.” I won’t deny it was a shock to hear him say it, but I knew just the same before he did tell me explicitly. One year since his coming out - well, not much has changed. Mom, Dad and I still love him. I still talk with him about once a week. I’m still a bit uncomfortable about asking him about his personal life - I have kind of awkwardly asked him if he’s seeing anyone - but that discomfort is my problem, not his. And the discomfort isn’t based on any judgment, it’s just my inherited cultural discomfort about asking a guy about dating a guy. Meh.
I guess my question is this: Will it matter (really?) to your family or friends?
I do have one strong opinion in this thread, and that’s for the people (well meaning, I’m sure) who are saying some variant of “why do you have to announce it?”
When my brother did come out, one of the things he told me was how difficult it was growing up when he couldn’t tell anyone. He was a popular guy in high school and was (and is) a pretty damn good athlete. Within this social group being gay is usually not OK. So I get the impression that this kind of tortured him. When he did come out - surprise - all his previous friends (jocks, those popular bastards! :D) continued to support and hang with him, and good on them. But I understand why he was so reluctant to tell anyone. It could have meant losing his entire social group.
Nobody should have to hide such a fundamental part of their nature. I imagine it’s painful to constantly have to hide who you are, and no, I don’t think anyone should have to do it.