Hippie…Tennesse doesn’t have a “habitual offender” law? If you were facing your third DUI in VA you’d be charged with a felony and in danger of going to a state prison for anywhere from a year to 5, instead of some local county lock up. Guess you can be a little thankful then for that.
You sound so familiar to me. I’ve been around alcoholics and druggies all my life. When I was a teenager I was a big partier. I grew up in a nice middle class neighborhood and at least finished high school. I married a guy that quit school in the ninth grade and had grown up in a trailer park. None of his siblings had ever finished school either. I stayed with him 17 years. I got a good job right out of high school and have worked at the same place now for 24 years, moving up through the ranks, and even continuing my education a little. At 25 I had my first child. I stopped all partying. But my husband didn’t. His drinking escalated over the years until he needed to drink everyday. I left him in 93.
In 97 a neighbor introduced me to her brother. The previous year I had bought a house having taken 3 years to recover from the finanical burden my husband’s alcoholism had caused before and after the divorce. This man was 6 years younger than myself, actually the same age as my middle sister. He had two children. His sister warned me about him at the time. I knew he was an alcoholic and had required a lot of help from his family over the years in order to support his children. I knew he had been in rehab many times for alcoholism and once for cocaine. I avoided him, but he pursued me. He was very charming and I loved his little boys. They played with my son. Eventually we started to see each other. What I did not know at the time was that he had begun to use crack cocaine again. I had absolutely no experience with this drug. During the 80s I knew several people who had lost everything using cocaine. They were “freebasing” before crack was invented. Most of these people were old friends from school or the neighborhood and I rarely associated with them. I was working, raising my kids, and doing my best to hold together a marriage burdened by alcoholism. I was very naive, since at the time I met this man I was not even drinking. It had been years since I’d smoked a joint. It didn’t take long before he was on a wild binge. To shorten the story a little he eventually stole money from me. He became abusive. He neglected his children and they were left with me. I was amazed that a man who had been raised in a decent family enviornment could go so “bad”. And he was bad really, I am now convinced that he is not bipolar as the shrinks have always said, he is sociopathic. During the two years that this man took over my life I felt like I too was living an episode on the Jerry Springer show.
Anyway, the point I wanted to get to here is that often I wonder to myself just how I got here. How did I end up living and associating with people who operate on the fringe of society. I don’t have a “jones” for anything, alcohol or drugs. I’m a responsible person with an often ridgid code of values. The man I am currently seeing is an old friend from high school. I ran into him one night when I was out with a girlfriend listening to a band. He’s a cocaine addict. He had stopped using a couple of years before. But he’s 43 and lives with his parents. Since I began seeing him he has had 3 jobs. He gets depressed. He wants to use. Some nights we can’t go into Richmond because the jones is to strong and he does his best to stay away from “triggers”. He’s very good to me. He’s from a good family, an educated family. But he is basically what most “normal” people would call a “loser”. He spent 25 years farting around getting high. He married but he married another addict. He has no children. He has no pention. He’s a gentle guy that treats me wonderful. He’s good to my kids and would never dream of doing anything creepy or untoward when he’s at my home. But I think he’s using again occasionally. He knows how terrified I am that he’ll go back on the “rock” so of course he will hide it from me. But lately he will show up late on the nights we see each other and he has a lot less disposable money. I’m not stupid about this anymore. I know the signs. Last night he came by because he had gone to my mother’s to fix her toilet. He was wired. Granted my mother is a little hard to deal with, but his pupils were huge in my bright kitchen and he asked me for a glass of wine. He hates wine. He got up to go and I asked him if he wanted to stay. He said no. That was unusual because he never turns down an invitation to stay, but last night was payday…I hate to be suspicious but I can’t help it. Besides why should I even be taking the risk of having another alcoholic or addict in my life? Why am I doing this? I can get by on my own. I don’t need a man for his income, we get by. I love him, he’s an old friend and we get along. What the hell am I doing with a known addict in my life again?
You know how I ended up being around people and shit that I do not want or need in my life? I sure as hell wish I knew. I’ll let you know how to clean the shit out of your life as soon as I figure out how to keep it out of mine.
Sorry, those names don’t ring a bell. I graduated ORHS in 1983, so maybe I don’t fit into the right timeline? I was also more into soccer than people back then (read self-absorbed jock) – 1982 was the year we won the state championship in soccer.
Mom taught Psychology – almost always evening school. She stopped teaching around 1989 or so.
Tymp: What you are suggesting is what is commonly known among recovery groups as “the geographical cure.”
Sounds good in theory, rarely works in practice.
Dr. Jackson & Mojo: Thanks for the chuckles. Humor is my primary defense mechanism.
TN*hippie, you’ve got to make some changes in your life. It’s clear you know that, but knowing and doing are different. You have to make these changes happen. You should start now. I mean right now. Jail won’t change you; you need to change you.
You already know this, but stop drinking and get out of that house. And the odds are high that there are other losers in your life as well; ditch 'em.
Don’t be a loser. It’s your fucking life. Do something.
Tried to post this earlier, but kept getting booted. Needs2know: Addiction is a complicated and notoriously unpredictable disease. So is codependency.
Fact is, most drunks and junkies are sensitive, intelligent, likeable folks at heart. They may even retain some of these traits in active addiction. But as they get pulled down by the chemical ball&chain, they begin to live their lives in pure terror…both of Death and of Life.
Codependents are sweet, smart folks, too. But their compassion overrules their common sense and survival instincts, so they give the partner too many chances or they run from one sick relationship to another. Addicts crave love and acceptance, but deep down they know that the main priority is their drug of choice. They will hold you hostage as long as you put up with it. I urge you to attend Al-Anon or some other codependency group to help you break your habit. Sorry, I don’t mean to preach. But trust me, I know what I’m talking about.
Bill: Yeah, I know. I had 3 years clean&sober(even quit smoking) before this last relapse. Even worked as an A&D counselor for awhile. If I did it before, I can do it again. I will.
It sucks being in a situation you currently cannot change, doesn’t it?
I’m sure you know it’ll be ok eventually. If you’re having difficulty waiting for the “eventually” to be over please send me an email. I helped my sis get sober and a dear friend get sober again, so I must be of some use :rolleyes:
That’s the point I was making. While awaiting jailtime,
I can live here, at the mission, or on the streets. I
choose here. There may be a reason for my presence here:
I’ve broken up a couple of fights and I’ve aided in the mending of a rocky lesbian relationship. Also been a good influence on the kids, I think. Besides, I’m getting all kinds of great material for my short stories (currently on hold because my printer doesn’t work and I am struggling with alcohol withdrawals). And yes, I’ve been in much worse situations than this. I’ll survive.
Alanon my ass! I don’t need to attend Alanon. Been there, done that, and did not ever intend to buy the T-shirt. Tried it when I was married. Alanon simply attempts to lay part of the blame for someone else’s addiction on the shoulders of their loved ones. Pure crap! It also “teaches” the so called “codependents” how to live with the others addiction. Also crap! I don’t ever intend to “live with” someone else’s addiction again.
If addiction is a disease then honey it’s a disease of “choice”. Once your life has gotten to the point of lets say…yours…then you have a choice. You choose to continue to drink and live a non productive and often criminal lifestyle or you choose to do what is necessary to stop. It’s just that simple. I no longer have any patience for the sad little addict or the weak disgusting drunk. I know the drill buddy. And yes it’s true that just because you have a drug or drinkiing problem does not make everyone a total “Jerry Springer piece of shit”. But many of them are, they’d be living their disgusting, criminal lifestyles, sucking off of society and everyone around them regardless of being addicted.
Obviously you are at least thinking about doing something about the way you’ve been living or you wouldn’t have posted here. But if you think going to jail to dry out is all you need to do then fine, try it. It’s been my experience and is often backed up by the figures that it will take more than 90 days in the pokey to get you straight. I’ve seen it before dude…guy goes to jail for a few weeks, says oh goody I can dry out. Guy is out looking for a bar within an hour of their release. My BF, the coke addict, he spent two years going to NA type meetings almost every night. Then it dawned on him that there wasn’t anything he needed to know anymore about the way his addiction worked. He’d been through the program twice and was sincere about it both times. But he did realize that he had simply replaced one “addiction” for another. So he stopped going. He hadn’t used for two more years after that. If he’s using again then that’s his problem, not mine. I refuse to make it mine. If I find out for sure that he is, then he’s history. He’s curbside, period. I am not playing around with that shit again. Alcohol is bad enough but a guy can’t drink up $500 bucks worth of Jack in one night. He isn’t gonna get a felony charge for carrying a Budweiser.
Sorry I even posted here. I only did it because I felt it was a real coincedence that you should start this thread right when I was having doubts about my friend. Believe me honey, I have no intention in getting all mushy and sympathetic over another drunk or druggie again. As long as he’s being a man with at least one ball and staying off the stuff then we’ll be fine.
Take it easy dude. Hope you get your shit together, otherwise you’ll find yourself 40 or 50ish with nothing to look back on but a lot of hangovers, some jailhouse tattoos, and a constant reply of “The Jerry Springer Show”.
Kelli…Shouldn’t be any worry for him driving again for awhile unless he drives without a license. (Which is also quite common. You’d be suprised how many people will license vehicles so others can drive on revoked licenses.) I can’t imagine the state of Tennesse giving him one anywhere in the near future with his 3rd DUI on the books. Like I said in my first post he’d be going away to the state pen for at least a year if he were living in my state. Or at least be enrolled in a “day reporting” program.
Hm. I suppose if I tell you to email me I should give you my address, eh? I don’t know why it’s not in my profile as it used to be......rsandy7420@aol.com