I need to print out a list of rules for using apostrophes that fits on an 8.5 x 11.5 sheet of paper and be in 18 point arial font so it will be visible from a distance when I affix it to a wall. I know I can’t get all the rules on a single sheet of paper so I need the most important ones stated in plain English.
What are the most important apostrophe rules stated simply?
This is good coverage. You might adapt them enough that I don’t have to go source them… (a blog).
Apostrophes are used to denote a missing letter or letters. For example:
I can’t instead of I can not,
I don’t instead of I do not,
It’s instead of it is
You’re instead of you are.
They are used to denote possession. For example:
The dog’s bone,
The company’s logo
If there are two or more dogs, or two or more companies, the apostrophe comes after the S.
The dogs’ bones
The companies’ logos
I know you asked for 8 1/2 x 11, but this is pretty concise, and measures 18x24. Should be visible across the room.
This is too important to limit to 8.5x11. You need to go big:
http://shop.theoatmeal.com/products/how-to-use-an-apostrophe
Wow, when style sheets go bad, huh? 
Exception: no apostrophe needed for his, hers or*** its***
The most important? There are only two - possession and contractions; three if you need to specify after the “s” in plurals.
Four if you need to clearly “it’s” and “its” - and you probably do.
Five if you’re teaching a class in writing science fiction.
OK, don’t just leave us hanging, here: What’s the anomalous use of apostrophes in SF?
An apostrophe does not mean “here comes an s!”
If the Oatmeal poster is too gentle, you can always use Bob the Angry Flower instead.
Just my guess, but it may have something to do with alien names including multiple apostrophes such as K’jha’rr or such.
This was a reply to Chronos. (Got the edit buttons wrong.)
nm
Unless his name is Hi (as in the comic strip Hi And Lois), in which case his name is Hi’s name, which is Hi.
'Strictly 'speaking, tho’se aren’t apo’strophe’s. They may be glottal 'stop indicator’s, or whatever other 'symbol 'some writer think’s he need’s to 'spell alien word’s and name’s. But, for lack of an appropriate 'symbol in the font, the humble apo’strophe i’s often u’sed.
And ye’s, an apo’strophe damn well doe’s too mean there’s an 's coming.
As an aside - there are many places where and people for whom ‘can not’ is incorrect for ‘cannot’. But I see it often enough that it might either be replacing it or it is a regional thing. “donnot” and “wonnot” are long dead, but “cannot” still hangs around. The contractions “don’t”, “won’t” and “can’t” are all short for those.
Its an important question your working on.
Rule 11. You are allowed to break all the darn rules if there is no clearer way to state your point.
Example:
There are four a’s in this case sensitive statement.
There are four "a"s in this case sensitive statement.
While on this topic is there a current clear ruling on the possessive case of a proper noun ending in S?
My son has a name ending in S. It isn’t James, so let’s use that name. Is it “James’ Lego that has crippled me", or would I be "permanently wounded by James’s Lego?”. That Oatmeal poster says both are acceptable, but be consistant. Fowler’s says omit the apostrophe, Chicago Manual of Style says it depends on if it is “eez” or “ess” sound at the end, or if in doubt use the “of” contstruction “The Lego of (or belonging to) James has left me in massive pain.”
Around the house we use the spoken James-es but in writing I will often use James’. What are the Straight Dopers’ /Dopers’s thoughts?
If the idea is that it’s occasionally okay to fuck the rules, then I believe you’re thinking of Rule 34.
