I need a room mate. I am 53 years old. I have never even had one that I hadn't known. Advice?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have a space to rent, and the last couple of “acquaintances”, people that I knew casually, turned out to be psychopathic freaks.

I was thinking, despite my better judgement, of putting an ad on craigslist the gist of which is:

It is funny, I wouldn’t hesitate to go here for some question about a movie or something trivial, and I have been worried about how to do this, and didn’t think to come here until now. So I am soliciting probably the most important advice I have ever looked for here!

So, what sayeth The Dope? Craigslist? Some other way? How specific am I allowed to say about my lifestyle WRT the stuff in the ad above? I am not saying anything about a protected class, so it should be OK legally?

Thanks!

2

Here’s my $0.02 about using CL to find a roommate:

  1. state your demographics upfront. Say you’re 53 and male/straight or male/gay. People want to know who they’ll be living with. You’ll get wildly different responses according to what you say about yourself.

  2. whatever you list as desirable roommate qualities, like, “help me make the house organic” or “420 friendly”, imagine those qualities taken to extreme. Do you really want someone coming in and wanting to change shit around or add a chicken coop or build a rainwater reservoir or whatever? Or who smokes pot 24/7? If that’s OK, great. If not, maybe you should think twice about advertising it and let people ask.

  3. are you looking for a female/male? gay/straight? Age range? Professional/non-professional? Does it matter?

  4. Do you have a TV? Internet? Wifi?

  5. How big is the bedroom? Does it have a window? A closet? Storage? Does it come furnished or unfurnished? Are you posting pictures?

  6. How communal do you want your living environment? Is it OK if someone’s hanging out in the common space all the time? What if they invite friends over all the time? Do YOU have friends over all the time? Or, what if your roommate is very asocial and hermit-like? What if they work from home and will ALWAYS BE THERE? Do you work from home? Better to say something like, “I prefer a quiet living environment” or “I prefer a social living environment”.

  7. Pets? No pets? Do you have pets? People WILL ask.

  8. I’ve always found that saying you want someone “clean” is better than saying nothing.

The more specific you are, the less you’ll have to answer all these questions over and over in emails…

3

Wow. Thank you, that was an amazing post! A lot to think about there. :cool:

4

And I have answers! Thanks again, you have already rewritten my ad. I must think like a customer. I tend to buy from the supplier who tells me the most so I can find what I want.

5

I do believe that if I say I am straight or gay, or Christian or whatever, then I may run afoul of equal housing, or in advertising for a roomie am I exempt from that?

6

What is the rental market like in your area? I live in a city where reasonable rentals are near impossible and back when my sister and I were picking a third as a roommate, we could post some pretty basic information (i.e. two girls with 9 to 5 jobs, two cats, looking for someone quiet and reliable) and get a lot of inquiries. We’d ask them to email us what they were looking for and invite them to come view the place if their initial emails showed that they were a possibly a good match.

We didn’t actually make our decision or ask them to make theirs until they came and saw the place though.

When they came in person, they got a better idea of what the cheap(ish) rent in a good neighbourhood consisted of, how we kept the place cluttered but not messy and got a better idea of whether the person was a chatter, shifty about their income, or sullen and bitchy. Even a one minute conversation gave us a better feel of how we’d get along as roommates. People who were looking for the bestest friends ever, having rent paid for by her boyfriend, and one guy who was sneezing all over the place because of his allergies to cats (that was a WTH? We posted that we had two cats) got the canned “Thanks for your interest, but we decided on another for the room. Good luck with your search” email.

Of course, if you are living in an area where renters have the luxury of being picky, then as mentioned above, you will have to describe a bit more about your expectations and your own lifestyle. Actual pictures of the living space is also a good idea, but try to keep big item electronics out of them.

7

LOL. (yeah, I know, LOL is frowned upon here, but I actually did!)

The biggest electronics item is a projection TV, the kind that littered roadsides not too long ago! It still works great, though. But it is a bitch to move. :cool:

8

The thing is, I am not looking for a “roomate with benefits” and I keep my love life outside this place. It is old construction and a small home, and I don’t really want to hear him or her banging away with their partner. So straight or gay, keep the love life elsewhere. Is this a common concern?

9

And in fact it is a duplex, and my neighbor, a dear friend lives across the wall from the room in question and gets up at 5 and leaves at six.

I despair of finding a suitable person. :mad:

10

Is “roommate with benefits” a common thing where you live? I can’t see how you can reasonably ask someone who is paying money for their home to fuck somewhere else or remain celibate. Best you can do is find a roommate with enough modesty that if you knock on the wall and ask them to keep it down, they’ll comply.

If you’re concerned about the girlfriends who are always over so it’s like having an additional roommate without the benefit of the money, then it’s more about an agreement on overnight guests, be it a sex partner, drunk buddy, or visiting parents.

11

I am out of here a lot, so a sort of “tie on the door” arrangement would be cool with me, but again, this is a quiet kind of place, with the neighbor across the wall up early.

The way this place is made, a whisper in the next room is fully audible. Anything more than a very quiet conversation goes right through the wall. It is one of the few places in the US that was built in the early 40’s, as base housing here in the valley. The place is not made very well. :rolleyes:

12

It sounds more like about finding someone with the same definition of respect than it is about sex noises…

To some, being respectful due to the thin walls means that if they want to put on some loud headbanging music, they don a pair of headphones and rock out with their air guitar. To others, it means lowering the volume at 10 PM because that’s when the noise ordinances says to.

13

Bottom line, hookups have to be somewhere else. We have very close neighbors with kids and it ain’t happening. I like it because it is quiet. I don’t bring women here. I have some women that I see, but always at their place.

I just hate this. I don’t really want a roomie, but I don’t have a choice.

14

I mean I do bring women here, but just for picking up lunch and a tent or something. I go places, I don’t hang around here.

15

xx yr old single (str/bi/gay) (but don’t care what you are) in small acoustically-challenged funky 2/1 seeks occupant for second (10x12 with fresh paint and 8’ reach-in closet) ((fully/partially furnished) bedroom (with size here bed).

Close to public transit/car required - you can eliminate a bunch of people right there. And yes, the reference is to mass transit - public transit includes taxis and could be describe as available just about everywhiere in moderate to large cities (yes kids, there are parts of cities where cabs do not go).

Rent includes (as applicable) laundry, parking (on/off street, garage*), Cable, Wifi, maid
Tobacco acceptable outside.
2 cats, (so no/but) dogs accepted. If your cat can do the meet/greet with mine without flattened ears/bushy tails, it’s welcome.

OCD not required, but picking up your messes is expected.
Currently re-habbing/re-modeling/sprucing-up - if that’s your thing, all help is welcome.

How much furniture -( if I have my own furniture, can I bring it, or is there no space)

Sorry, single occupancy only - no couples, no move-ins.

Occasional visitors welcome, but this is/ is not a party house, and the person on the other side is an early riser. Are overnights allowed?
If you get to the point in the in-person chat to discuss sex practices, you can mention how much noise is OK

For title - who (you)/what/where/when/cost. NO Drama (m/f) Only m or f - no preference.

Do NOT say anything about 420 - the old code words of laid-back are as far as you want to go
(I saw an ad for a guy who was looking for someone to give him aroom dirt cheap with land on which he could raise (it’s legal - I have the (CA Prop 212) papers!) dope. Yea, this is going to get some interesting responses.

First 2 lines are where you make the first cut - can you afford it, what is it, will you fit

I’ve found that gays are up front about preferring gay or gay-friendly homes - if you want or will accept, and gay/gay-friendly tag should be included.

Go through the room/share wanted ads - make sure you cover all points (like steady income and rental references) of interests. There are some wondeful people out there, and CL finds most of them.

We are wonderful (I’m 19 Ricky is 22) people with 2 children (18 months a 3 months) with 2 of the cutest pitbulls you’ve ever seen. We don’t have any money or income, but we will because we’re looking almost every day. We never fight. Please just give us a chance - we’ll pay you back just as soon as we can. Will do light housework - we’re not your maids.

The above is an amalgam of actual ads on CL - including the couple with no money and no income wanting dirt-cheap rent (which they won’t pay anyway) stating that they will “do light housework - we’re not your maids” - that is a direct quote. Just give us free room and board, but don’t expect anything in return.
The ones who promise to at least pay for their own food are the tops.

While there are heartbreaking stories out there, most stop short of demanding strangers to house a penniless couple “who never fight”. My neighbor one time had two flats; my house was on the level of the rental. I can tell you that young couples who are short on money DO occasionally raise their voices as to the other’s use of $.

    • most would expect to ay additional for a real garage - don’t let them down.
16

Forgot utilities - are they included in rent? If not, which are split and how?

17

If you advertise “close to Disney” I would think you meant the park in Anaheim.

You’re referring to the Disney Studios campus on Buena Vista in Burbank?

Hell, if you were posting this a year from now I’d be interested.
Unfortunately, our timing is off. If you manage a string of roommate failures that runs up to a year, revive this Thread.
:smiley:

18

If YOU state who YOU are, it gives the OP the chance to decide if *they *want to live with a straight/gay/Christian/whatever. You’re not saying you won’t rent to someone not of your ilk.

I would HATE having to do this. Hell, I don’t even want to live under the same roof with someone I *love *ever again, let alone a stranger. Good luck to you, and do let us know who/what finally moves in and how it goes.

19

My advice, from both my long-ago days with roommates and with more recent third-hand experience via the GirlChild, is to PUT EVERYTHING IN WRITING.

I mean everything. If you want restrictions on time spent in the common living areas or noise levels or guests - put it in writing. Figure out how you’re going to handle food - strictly divided or some shared? How will cleaning be handled? Will you expect help with outdoor chores?

IME, it’s not usually major things like rent and bills (both of which should be in the actual lease contract - anything to do with money goes in the legal paperwork) that cause problems, it’s the conflicts between morning person / night owl, slob vs neat freak, party animal vs hermit, and so on.

Really think about what you want and do your best to be honest about what you are like - don’t make rules based on what you want to be, but how you actually are.

Whatever it is that you come up with, sit down with the new potential roomie before any lease is signed and go over your expectations, which you should have stated as clearly and simply as possible. Be prepared to negotiate on some points and know which points are non-negotiable for you.

Most people don’t think about this stuff in advance, so roomie may not be really ready to discuss it at first. You may have to give them a little time to think it over before sitting down to talk.

At any rate, when there are conflicts later, you can sit down with the agreement and discuss how it is or isn’t being kept. Makes it more business-like and less personal. When you can say “You’re not meeting X part of this written agreement”, that’s less abrasive than “You’re driving me crazy with your slovenly housekeeping”.

It also makes it easier to address issues early, while they’re still minor annoyances - since the expectations are clear, there’s not the long, drawn-out process of deciding how to mention that Roomie is a filthy pig.

20

I worked for 26 years in rental property management, and I second the above post: PUT IT IN WRITING. Make the roommate sign at least two copies with original signatures, and have them witnessed and notarized.

Get a copy of some proper identication–driver’s license, passport, state i.d. It will prove invaluable if the Fed’s ever come a-knocking.