I have been sitting by my wife’s side 3 days a week for the last year. I still can’t face the idea that one day she’ll be gone.
I wish you all the best, and hope you have people in your life to support you.
I’m so sorry, pjd. It sounds like you were so kind and compassionate for your partner and made her last days a bit better. Give your cat some extra hugs. My thoughts are with you.
So sorry.
It will be awhile before you feel somewhat right-side up.
The hole your partner left will always be there. I hope Maeve helps you grieve well.
Grief is so personal but getting out amongst people, which I figure you’re not wont to do, will help. Even if you’re just sitting in a coffee shop or a library “around” other human beans.
Such as we are “human beans” can help.
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I don’t know whether getting away from home for a while, or staying there, will be better for you. It depends so much on the person. Do whichever you need to.
And I hope Meave’s presence helps. I’m sure yours helps her. She’s probably grieving too.
My cousin is really my best friend. She took care of her older sister for 6 months. The older sister died in my cousins bed. I saw the body bag zipped up and Claudia (Scout) carried out. I got a phone call for this little visit, and kept the other cousin (my best friend) from seeing this.
Bought her a new bed.
Sorry not too cheery.
This is kinda cheerful - we have a dog park behind our house. A couple of hundred feet away. I sit and let the dogs romp and make new friends.
But, about a week ago, there where 6 elk in the dog park. I’m a mountain guy, but… WTF?
I’m sorry for your loss pjd.
And now I’m arguing with my computer that wants me to type pjs. Hope kitty is taking care of you.
I don’t know if anything is going to help in the short term, but you have my best wishes and condolences as well. Coming here to vent, or grieve, or just “verbalize” the thoughts that are probably running in circles in your head is a good option.
Do take care of yourself as well, since this sort of shock is hell on keeping up the basics of life - eating right (or at all), exercising, or keeping track of time. Though I’m sure the house panther will make sure you don’t forget the eating right or cat-time portions of the day, as least as far as they are concerned.
Yes, that is difficult. I ate nothing today until about 6:00 pm.
Meave is helping.. I will need to be sure to look after her, she’s about 16
years old. If anything happened to her too soon, God knows what I’d be like.
So sorry to hear of the death of your partner, pjd. Two people close to me have died with/of MS, so I know how dreadful this must have been for you both. Wishing you the strength to get through this.
j
I do sympathise and hope it’s OK to offer some advice.
Years ago I lost both my parents within a month.
I found help from a grief counsellor - here in the UK there’s a fine organisation called Cruse:
Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
I went for an initial visit and a knowledgeable counsellor said several helpful things:
- there are several stages of grief that most people go through (e.g. denial, anger + acceptance)
- it will take time, but you will gradually heal
- I was now an orphan*
*this last was a real eye-opener. Previously I considered an orphan was a small boy in a Charles Dickens novel.
Anyway I wish you all the best.
Oh no, @pjd, that’s terrible! I’m so sorry.
There is a lady at my job that lost her husband right before Christmas. She’s back at work now, and I just don’t know what to say. I feel every time I speak I put my foot in my mouth. I caught myself griping yesterday in front of her that my year was getting off to a rocky start. 
So I’m not real good at this cheering people up thing. But I care about you and what you’re going through.
Thanks again for all the kind words everyone. It really means a lot.
You have my deepest and most profound sympathies.
I can’t even imagine. Well, it’s probably more accurate to say that I try very hard not to let myself imagine.
May your grief be mercifully brief, but may your memories of your partner be sweet and everlasting.
Yes. If you don’t want to eat, remind yourself that you need to eat, so you’ll remain able to feed Meave.
When I went through bereavement I found that people I knew were avoiding me because they didn’t know what to say. I had cluelessly done the same thing to other survivors earlier in my life.
A thought for everyone: don’t be that person. There are no magic words to fix the situation, restore the dead, or erase the grief. We all know that, but somehow feel paralyzed that what we could say won’t be good enough or right enough. It’s a natural reaction, but it’s also IMO an unhelpful one.
IMO better to engage with the grieving person as close to normally as possible. What they need is some lifeline back to normalcy. Not that they’ll reel it all in and be out partying on next Friday night. But the connection to know the people around them and the world out there are trudging along like normal and they can see that somewhere in their future, distant though it might be. e.g. I was made happier to hear of other’s birthday parties than I would have been had the party happened but everyone conspired not to tell me about it afterwards.
My bottom line: Treat the grieving as close to normally as you can. If that’s not what they want, they’ll let you know. It’s much easier for them to rebuff unwanted input than it is for them to beg people to talk to them about something, anything.
Deepest sympathies for your loss. It sounds like you did a good job of caring for her in her final days, and I am sure she appreciated all you did, and felt safe with you beside her.
What awful hurting, I’m sad to hear you’re going through this.
Well… damn. I’m so so sorry my friend 
Very sorry for your loss, @pjd.
If you want just some mindless, goofy fun, there is a channel on YouTube called Jolly. It’s two Brits who travel around and try food they’ve never had before. They like, nay love, everything and it’s addictive to watch them go nuts for gumbo or Detroit pizza or whatever. I watch them when I’m down and just want happy.