I need some new insults for the referees!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hockey season is fast approaching, and I need some new insults for the referees and the opposing team. I prefer clever ones to really obscene ones, because I don’t like to cuss if there are small children seated near me. I have the old standards:

Hey ref, get off your knees, you’re blowing the game!

Hey ref, I don’t know what game you’re watching but you’re missing a hell of a good one out there!

Hey Player - I’ve seen better legs in a box of KFC!

Hey ref, two words: Precision Optical.

Hey ref, can I pet your seeing eye dog?

but I could use some new ones. Any help is appreciated!

2

“Hey [insert player’s name], I didn’t recognize your wife since she shaved her back.”

3

Hey ref, how much is the other team paying you for this hatchet job?

Hey, player x. It is true you still use double bladed skates?

4

Sorry, the only one I’ve got is obscene. :wink:

Back at school, the regular chant was “The ref fucks sheep! The ref fucks sheep!”

–Cliffy

5

Hal Briston is a ref?

:d&r:

6

Can’t help you. I’m one of those people who actually watches the game without acting obnoxious and yelling insults so that nobody else can hear the announcer.

7

I can’t help either. I’m one of those people who prefers to sing foul unoriginal insults along with thousands of others. I’m guessing this isn’t the done thing with hockey. :wink:

8

Here’s one I heard from a friend:

Hey ref! If you had one more eye, you’d be a cyclops!

And there’s nothing wrong with yelling at the ref - as long as that’s not all you do the whole game (and I agree that profanity is less then cool, especially when there are families with kids around). But when they blow a call, it’s part of the fun to yell at them.

9

I only yell when they blow a call pretty badly - it’s a tough job and I sure wouldn’t want it. And as far as hearing the announcer - I sit right behind the glass so no one around me can hear the announcer anyway, for some reason of acoustics in our barn.

10

If an opposing player backs down from a fight.

“Hey X, hit him with your purse!!!”

11

Hostility toward players and referees by fans is unsportsmanlike. It’s irrational at best, and outright thuggish at it’s worst.

Put yourself in the place of the referee you want to insult, and tell me honestly that you like being the target of their agression, and at any given time half (or more) of the crowd hates you for your last work decision.

If this is what everyone wants, then sports players and referees should be able to insult back and defend themselves with appropriate force. A mob of mad fans vs. a ref who made a questionable call = time to use the pepper spray. The baseball player who gets obscene gestures cast at him should be able to return the favor. The football player who gets doused with beer gets a fire hose to wet down the section that attacked him. The hockey player who gets a bottle thrown at his head gets the thrower on the ice for an even fistfight.

Just don’t do it.

12

One of the few games in college in which my friends and I got awesome seats near the front row was one of the worst officiated games I’ve ever seen. At one point we had an awful pass interference call. The crowd got quiet to watch the replay on the jumbotron and I screamed the following:

“You fucking zebra, I hope you die, you legless, son-of-a-whore.”

Yeeeeah, I got some funny looks…even though everyone agreed with me, even some of the players turned around and looked like they couldn’t believe their ears. A little embarrassing, but I know for a FACT that that ref heard me. He deserved it and was roundly booed for that terrible call.

13

The Mad Hermit - thanks for playing.

Hung Mung, I try to refrain from using profanity - it’s really more fun to use a clever insult. Had a list around here somewhere but lost it when I moved.

14

Hey, ref! I know you’re blind! I’ve seen your life partner!

15

Hey, to each his/her own. I’d rather cut straight to the point and make the guy’s toes curl. I’m not smart enough to think of clever things when I’m that angry.

16

As an umpire who officiates everything from Division I to 10 & Under, let me just say:

:rolleyes:

First of all we’ve heard most of them. Second of all you’re only making yourself look like an idiot except to the like minded people around you who think you’ve just said something original.

Even back when I used to vend beer at the Texas Rangers games, and you’d pass a beer down to someone in one of the middle seats who would pay with a 20, and the person handing the money back to you says “Keep the Change”. Hardy har har! You said “keep the change”, and the person who ordered the beer wouldn’t know why he’s not getting any change back! That’s so funny!

Only small minded people believe that yelling at the officials is part of the game. If you’re unhappy with the officiating, the right thing to do is get involved and officiate games yourself.

Wow… and parents wonder why it costs so much to have their youth games officiated, or why there’s a nationwide shortage of officials.

~sigh~

E3

17

Visit a Cornell hockey game, and you’ll get enough material for the next 3 years. :slight_smile: (Gotta plug my alma mater especially since we’re a bit rabid for our hockey team.)

One that is usually reserved for the opposing goalie, but can be used for a ref as well is:

One person yells: “Hey (ref’s name), your mom called…she said”
Whole arena yells: “You suck!”

It’s pretty effective, since we actually did do the whole “you suck” as a unified group of 3,800 people.

Most of my good cheers are goalie cheers, though. :slight_smile:

18

Oh…a dirty follow on for that cheer (that has slowly died out due to its vulgarity) is a potential:

“Hey (ref’s name), your boyfriend called…he said”
well, you can come up with the response. :slight_smile:

19

AIr a bit thin up there on your high horse?

20

Oh, that’s rich. I’m on my high horse because I’m saying that yelling at refs is never as original as the person who’d doing the yelling does?

Maybe it’s just my imagination that I’ve see car damage too many times to count on my umpire colleagues’ vehicles. I’ve had to listen to threats of violence and even death. I’ve had “fans” wating for my crew after the game. It’s not enough that I have to hear parents coach their kids to take other players out of the game, and then laugh it off and say “it’s part of the game”.

More and more legislation is being presented and passed every day to deal with the violence that sports officials have to endure, yet I’m on my high horse to suggest that wanting to learn more insults is a little stupid.

I think I’ll stay up here on my high horse, thank you.

That being said, don’t get me wrong. If it was all bad, I wouldn’t do it. No one would. 99% of the time it’s fun, rewarding, a great way to stay involved in a game I’m too old to play competitively anymore, and good exercise from sitting behind a desk all day long.

On the whole, the insults are meaningless to the officials. Like I said, we’ve heard all of them before. The insults in-and-of themselves are harmless except that it feeds into the mentality of hating sports officials.

Here you go, have fun at your hockey game. (Sorry these are for baseball umps)
Hey ump …
Stevie Wonder could have gotten that call right!
move around a little bit, you’re killing the grass!
move around a little bit, you’re growing roots!
move around a little bit, when they the umpire is part of the field, they don’t mean literally!
flip the plate over and read the directions!
did your glass eye get fogged up on that one?
are the stadium lights keeping you awake?
is the plate round? because you’re not calling the corners!
you couldn’t call a cab!
turn that mask around!
nice call, Mr. Magoo!
I didn’t know they printed rule book in braille!
Phone a friend!
it’s a good thing you didn’t have three choices!
kick your seeing eye dog, he just lied to you!
woof means strike!, woof woof means ball!
give me an I!, give me another I!.. now give them to the umpire!
if you’re just going to watch the game, you should have bought a ticket!
how’d you become an umpire? did you flunk out of beauty school?
now I know why there’s only one “I” in umpire!
that’s called a BAT, not a GOLF CLUB!
mix in some consistancy, once in a while!
don’t bother brushing off the corners, you’re not calling them anyway!