I, like most of you, have spent the past 2 1/2 days in an emotional turmoil. I cried, I thought about hiding behind the couch, I trembled. I went without eating, then ate way too much. I turned the TV off, then on again seconds later. I painted my living room. I went to work and tried to do my job. Finally I am starting to get past the fear, and the feelings are fading a bit.
Except for one emotion. Blinding rage.
As the fear subsides and the tears stop, I am overwhelmed with anger. Generally speaking, I am a peaceful, nonviolent sort; I’ll fight verbally if the cause is justified, but never in my life have I raised a hand to another human. I find that I am different now - changed as of Tuesday morning. I want to take this anger out on something. In an ugly, physical, way. (Not good.)
Yes, I tried a nice long workout. And a nice long bath. And talking it out. And donating blood (though I was asked to come back at a later date). I donated what money I could afford. I’d like to go start a bar fight, except that I know damn well that it would be a moronic, counterproductive thing to do. None of those options worked. And I’m sure there are many of you who feel exactly the same way.
How can I use this pent up energy in a constructive way? I’m open to any reasonable suggestion. Hell, throw in the unreasonable ones too. What can I do?
Well, Seawitch, I dunno if this would be any help for YOU, but it helped ME. I went out to the garden and I weeded. I mean, I REALLY weeded. I yanked out thistles and sorrel and vines and dandelions. I have an overly large coneflower that’s been pissing me off all year, so I ripped it out by the roots. I tore the dead heads off my marigolds and my campanula, I sheared my alyssum, and any bee with the temerity to even THINK about buzzing in my ear got <thwack>ed out of midair into the pavement of my patio.
The entire time I was doing this, I cried, I swore, I screamed “TAKE THAT YOU B*****DS!” I waged a very tiny holy war in my own 300 square feet.
When I was finished, I picked up all the weeds, and while doing so, I counted the innocent flowers whose heads got ripped out in the process. And as stupid as this sounds (and it really does), I thought about how many innocents are affected in a war. And I made a promise to myself that I will do whatever I can to ensure that cool reason is never overcome by hatred and violence. I simply **made **peace within myself. Does this help the world? Probably not. Does it help me? You bet it does.
First, turn up the stereo. Then find a nice, interior closet, go inside and scream. Hurl invective. Yell until you can yell no more. Say outloud what you are feeling inside. Maybe take a cushion and punch it. You may cry again at the end.
Then I suggest you lie down and breath calmly for a bit. If you have someone at home, SO, children, whatever, tell them that you love them. Or call someone you care about and tell them how you feel.
Then get up and take a walk or ride a bike or something. And look at the sky, or trees, or whatever makes you happy.
Before the day before yesterday, I had stopped playing shoot-em-up games. I found them all rather tastelessl fun from shooting things sounds rather crude and base to me. But since then, I’ve been blasting away in an obscure shooter called Strife, where there are innocents among them. And you know what I’m doing in this game? Blasting bad guys, and avoiding the innocents.
A creative release for blinding rage? DRUMS!
I have broken three pairs of drumsticks in the past two days, I have played until my hands are tingling, my eyes are watering, and my ears are immune to the noise (my neighbors, however, are not). I normally practice every day. I have been finding myself closing my eyes, imagining faces, names, the entire situation, and going into a violent, stick swinging trance for hours on end. Go buy some drumsticks. If you don’t have any drums handy, grab a five gallon bucket. For some reason, the noise helps, the harder you hit, the louder it gets, and the better it feels.
Afterwards I usually do a few pushups too, just for the hell of it
I like these ideas. I particularly like the weeding idea (Die, you bastard ragweed, die!). I don’t have a garden, but my neighbor has one. I bet she wouldn’t mind.
I may also try screaming in the closet, killing pixels, and pounding things. Perhaps all three at the same time.
