I Never Wanted To Punch Someone In The Face...

The BBQ Pit
1

…as badly as I want to punch the lady I’m currently listening to.

I just want to knock every tooth of your smarmy, condescending mouth, you fucking pustulant assmonkey. Who in the happy living hell told you you had a good voice for reading a telephone hold message? I’m going to have to go with the theory that you were hired specifically to get people to hang up, saving the customer service department from having to actually, you know, deal with customers.

Do you talk to people in real life the way you’ve been talking to me for the last…22 minutes, 18 seconds? I can’t imagine that you do – not if you’re still a breathing member of society.

If you were to say “Twenty dollars, unleaded” to a gas station attendant in the tone you’ve been talking to me, you’d get the nozzle anally inserted beforehand.

If you put the same amount of smarm into ordering a double tall mocha frappuccino that you put into telling me that you’re so happy I decided to continue to wait, you’d find yourself pulled over the counter and held upside down while your nostrils were filled with scalding hot coffee, all the while other customers cheering and stabbing you lifeless with pointily-gnawed biscotti.

24 minutes, 31 seconds. What a coincidence – not only is that how long I’ve been listening you spew your transparently fake pleasantries, it’s also how long I’d like to hold your head down in a vat filled with sulfuric acid and some sort of sulfuric acid-resistant piranha.

Gaaa! That voice! I want to slip into a pair of steel-toe Colorados and learn to tap-dance on your incisors! Then I want to pry open your toothless maw, fill your mouth with a combination of concrete and C4, and mail you to your parent company marked attention to whoever hired you, you grating fucking cunt, you!

It’s now the 29 minute, 11 second mark, and I don’t hear ultra-annoying fuckhole lady anymore – because they just fucking disconnected me. Dear God, I’m going to fucking pop.

2

What are you bitching about? It’s not like you were on hold for a half hour before they disconnected you. Sheesh.

3

Can you record her and post it on the internet, should be good for a laugh.

4

Or post the telephone number.

5

Thank you for posting. Your post is important to us.

6

KABOOM!

“Sorry, I’m a little gassy today.”

7

I’ll post a response as soon as I am done helping other Posters. Currently you are the 15th poster in queue.

8

So that’s what the annoying perky lady who was the voice of the voice mail system at my college is doing these days. I was wondering.

9

Did she ever pause for breath?
:eek:

10

Speaking on behalf of all us mischief-minded slightly bored at work today Dopers, and in the interest of science, you should post this number.

Or at least e-mail it around a bit.

11

I used to have to make electronic tax payments every week for work, and the combination of the incredibly annoying voice plus the fact that they would clip the end of all of the recordings made me insane.

Pliss inter yur identification ne
Thenk y
Thenk yu fer yur reque
Yur peement his been iccept
Yur icknowledgement nember i
Argh.

12

I’m torn – really, I am. You see, I’d love to post the number, but I have a feeling that may be against board rules (Mods? Can we get a ruling on this?). Of course, I could always e-mail the number to interested parties.

However, this is a call center, and while what I do is in no way like what the people I was trying to contact do, I still am a call center worker too. And when people call up, listen for awhile, and then hang up on the “please hold” message, it’s the call center workers who get the blame. I don’t know if I want to be the one who gets some at their customer service center fired.

On the other hand, the fuckers hung up on me after a half hour on hold.

Let’s do it this way – wait, perhaps some back story is in order. The place I was calling was a gym, and the reason I was calling this place was to cancel my membership. Again. You see, my three-year commitment was up last March, but despite repeated calls, that fucking $61.34 charge keeps appearing on my statement every damn month. They keep saying “no problem, we’ll cancel the account and take care of the fees”, and I keep getting fucked for it.

This time, however, they may have gotten to the bottom of the problem. After I called back and reamed them for hanging up on me, we may have found the answer – there’s another member at this gym with the same name as mine. And his membership was cancelled in March. Bit of a coincidence, no?

So, with that revelation, the drone I spoke to told me that management needed to take a look into this, and can they call me back. Ok then…we’ll play it this way: If they get back to me today and tell me that everything is fine and they’re giving be back the $429.38 they’ve stolen from my bank account, the matter gets dropped. Otherwise, fuck them, and fuck their contact center – I drop their name on here. Sounds fair to me.

13

Dudes- let this be a lesson- never, evr, EVER let a Gym or similar take monthly payments form your bank account. The Mercury News consumer hep guru has this as one of his #1 problems.

Next- OP- file a suit in small claims. Do it tomorrow.

14

Dammit. That’s fair too.

Same thing happened to me when I tried to cancel a gym membership a year or so ago. I ended up having to send a registered letter before the bastards cancelled me and gave me back my money, they wouldn’t even accept it over the phone.

15

Posting phone numbers, email addresses, physical addresses, and other forms of contact is Not Allowed, even in such a worthy case as this.

Lynn
For the SDMB

On a personal note, though, I hope that you get this resolved to your satisfaction within 24 hours.

Lynn
For herself

16

Arrggghh…I can totally relate to this frustration.

8.0 for this rant. 8.5 if the above-mentioned piranhas have laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.

17

Broadly, a good solid rant. Special marks for “stabbing you lifeless with pointily-gnawed biscotti”.

18

Can he name the offending company?

19

Q: Ccan the OP contact his bank and have the Gym’s ability to pull from that account rescinded? Can the OP tell the bank that he needs to have his account number changed as he suspects he may be the victim of fraud (not a lie and quite possible)?

I know these aren’t pretty options, and its a lot harder than cancelling a credit card, but that’s why gyms should only be given credit card info. When they ask for bank info, a gym should be given a heart-felt ‘Fuck You!’ with a ‘mind your own Og-damn Business!’ chaser. It helps them to digest their steroids better.

20

I had a similar thing happen to me this spring and did exactly as the good Count has suggested. My bank was more than willing to help, and all I had to state was that I had not authorized the charges, which I had not. It seems it is up to the other party to PROVE they had your authorization, which in your case will be impossible for them to do, as it was in my case as well. Payments immediately ceased, and back payments (I had only two, so this may not be the case with you) were reversed satisfactorily. I bank at an interstate bank that is located thruout the Pacific Northwest, but may not be available in your area. I can’t personally advise you. But I can say it DID work for me!

At the very least it may be worth a try and could result in the cessation of further payments. You may have to take other action for the back payments. Best to ya. This shit is damned annoying, and I sympathize totally.

–Beck