Anyone with any firing synapses at all can clearly see the obvious superiority of the Almighty Fork, and anyone who would DARE to see any utility whatsoever to chopsticks is clearly either a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte, or a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte lover. Those people need to all be taken away in their oxcarts and publicly burned at the stake for even passing the thought that any utensil could possibly compare at all to the perfection that is the Almighty Fork.
Reasons why the Almighty Fork is superior in every way:
[ul]
[li]It requires no skill whatsoever to use. Small children, the mentally challenged, even a primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte (and their lovers) can perfect its use in seconds![/li][li]You can stab stuff with it. Like primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodytes (and their lovers)![/li][li]It’s made of metal, thus obviously a technological feat epically superior in every way to the lowly chopstick. Ever try making an Almighty Fork out of bamboo, or whatever other primitive materials the primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodytes (and their lovers) have?[/li][li]You cannot eat a slab of meat with chopsticks. Obviously large slabs of meat are superior to that thoughtless, inconvenient, primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte way of cutting food up before serving. They even [gasp!] serve vegetables with their food, I hear. There may not even be any meat at all![/li][li]Umm… primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte food gives me the shits (but I eat it anyway). So fuck them.[/li][/ul]
I don’t recognize at all that there is such a thing as differences in culture. If it ain’t how I do it, it’s obviously inferior primitive fucking dirty slanty-eyed troglodyte bullshit.
Oh, and please don’t attempt to infer anything about my character from this, I’m just telling you what and how I think.
Pick small things up
Stab something
Stab two things
Do a walrus imitation
Form the sign of a cross to ward off vampires
Play a snare drum or emulate doing so with any reasonably resonant surface
Castrate a fly
Clean the spider webs from a gas grill venturi
Stir things
With a rubber band or some string form a makeshift clamp
Form the structure for a small kite
(Many more)
That being said, I would agree. Chopsticks rule for anything chunk-formed. Or noodles - it’s kind of amazing how much better a pair of sticks is better than your NASA engineered, two thousand years of continuous technological improvement fork is at eating fucking spaghetti.
Eating rice with chopsticks however is pretty much open licence to pour rice down your shirt, and that’s no good unless you know your dinner partner *very *well.
I can make a set of chopsticks while out in the wilderness with just a knife (stone flake if pressed) in about 30 seconds. While I can carve out a fork it’s going to take me a bit.
