I pit corporate lawsuits

People bitch about random personal injury awards being ridiculous, but nothing lawyers can dream up is as insane as large corporate burrecrats. They sue for a lot more money too. And, heck, they are a lot funnier.

Here are a collected few.

One of these things is not like the others…

When Pop-Tarts ignite, they tend to shoot flames a good four feet out of the toaster, posing a far greater risk of fire than anything that the toasters were actually designed to accomodate (like, say, bread,) would expose a homeowner to.

Why shouldn’t a manufacturer be able to recoup losses that another party is responsible for? I mean, if a consumer loads up a fat slice of bread with butter, sugar, and a cinnamon, and then burns their house down when they pop it in the toaster, that’s clearly their fault – it’s not the fault of the appliance manufacturer, the bakery, the dairy, or the uh, sugar place.

Whose fault is it really if an off-the-shelf pastry spreads napalm death around the kitchen when used as directed? Sure, they have “Do not leave unattended in toaster” stamped on the package, but few people actually hover around the toaster unless they’ve actually seen a column of flame the size of Shagnasty’s mythical cock licking at the cupboards and curtains before.

Toaster manufacturers try to accomodate folks like my brother, who regularly blackened his toast until it was basically a carbon slab, because he liked it that way, because the butter could be spread on it without softening it first. Someone casually toasting a Pop-Tart after him was basically setting up an improvised firebomb, and god help them if they didn’t smell the burn before Fun-O-Rama lost its hypnotic power.

Caterpillar, though. Those kids are on crack. Ayuh. Amway, too, but that’s hardly surprising. :smiley:

The Disney one I kinda understand. I mean, did you see what they had Rob Lowe doing to her?

P&G v Amway I understand as well. The P&G:satanism rumor has been going on for over twenty years, and there have been strong indications that Amway has been trying to keep these rumors alive on orders from high up within the company.

According to Steven L. Snyder, a specialist in intellectual property and technology licensing and commercial litigation practice with the firm of Wyatt, Tarrant, and Combs:

Stopped taking the pills again, I see, Lib.

Firstly, here’s a proper link to the paragraph you cited.

Now, on its own, it’s difficult to see how the paragraph you quoted says anything at all relevant about the topic of the OP.

But if we add in the paragraph preceding your quote:

and the one following it:

we can see that you removed all the context that would enable anyone to understand what the author meant by the paragraph you quoted.

You are such an asshole. :rolleyes:

But… but… but… they’re corporations! Everything they do is for the greater good! The Invisible Hand of Adam Smith would never let us down!

Holy crap! That’s incredible, I never knew that Pop-Tarts could blow up like that. I’m glad that I eat mine cold.

Today’s Denver Post had an article about a company–Snow Monsters, which makes skiing videos for kids–pre-emptively suing Monster Cable, who has been going after just about everbody who uses the word “monster” for anything.

Scare tactics: Other companies Monster Cable has targeted


Settled a trademark- infringement suit over the animated movie “Monsters, Inc.”


The online résumé service settled; like Disney and Discovery Channel, deal is confidential


The online seller of Grateful Dead and other concert T-shirts faces a $50,000 battle.

Chicago Bears

Football’s “Monsters of the Midway” were a potential target for a Monster suit.


Or, in this case, an insurance company.

Am I the only one who read this thread and then immediately got an urge to buy a box of Pop Tarts?


Four feet out of a toaster??? Sweet! :smiley:

I’ve got a fire extinguisher and a toaster. All I need to do is figure out how to make a pop tart based flamethrower and my life would be complete :smiley:

If only I could find a way to get it past my better (and smarter) half.

That would make you one of those clinging turds.

Phbbbttt! Neener neener neener!

Take the pills, Lib. You’ve lost the plot completely. :rolleyes: