Octember, Septober, Nowonder.
I love February! Except when it has 29 days – that’s just wrong. It is so lovely with its weeks of 7 days evenly divided into 28. There is no remainder! It’s so short, you can almost think of it as a mini-month. Yeah, it’s cold and snows like a bitch, but it will soon be over! February has Groundhog Day and Presidents’ Day and school vacation and pitchers/catchers reporting to spring training. Anyone with a brain can find a way to avoid Valentine’s Day, which is the only reason I can find to hate February. Well, except for having to pronounce it correctly.
Now March-Hate is a cause I can get behind. Spring is supposed to arrive mid-month, but I’ve only found that to be a sham. February is unabashed about being a winter month, but March had better damn well apologize if I am shoveling after the 20th. And March lasts foreeeeevvvvveeeerrrrr. Those 31 days are twice as long as July’s 31 days. St. Patrick’s Day cannot be considered a holiday, which makes March good for absolutely fucking nothing. Except as the portal to April.
I vote for this.
My birthday is in November and I love Thanksgiving BUT it is a depressing month.
You think February weather is bad, just wait until you have to deal with lousy Smarch weather!
When I think of Smarch, I think of this post.
I fucking hate February. I think it’s evil incarnate. It’s Carl Rove’s and Stalin’s love child.
What I really hate is the way my brain runs down in winter.
Feb RUE airy
Memory aid: Don’t forget there is a RUE in February.
I’ve only known two people ever who pronounced it that way. One was my very proper, very perfect fourth-grade teacher (who put the “rue” in February). She was wasted in elementary school. We could really have used her in high school, where we had English teachers who congregated verbs.
The other was a snotty old guy from Newburyport, which is a place close to Boston. He was very snide about it. Nobody knew how to pronounce it. And nobody knew how to pronounce “aunt.” Except him. We Westerners were a bunch of savages. But he mispronopunced Newburyport so badly that for years I thought he was from “New Report.”
Three. (Though you don’t know me. Probably.)
I also say the ‘r’ in library. I had someone stare at me in blank shock when I did that.
Status quo:
Jan 31
Feb 28-29
Mar 31
Q1: 90-91 days
Apr 30
May 31
Jun 30
Q2: 91 days
Jul 31
Aug 31
Sep 30
Q3: 92 days
Oct 31
Nov 30
Dec 31
Q4: 92 days
The following would be easier to remember and maintain quarters and months that are more equal in length:
Jan 31
Feb 30-31
Mar 30
Q1: 91-92 days
Apr 31
May 30
Jun 30
Q2: 91 days
Jul 31
Aug 30
Sep 30
Q3: 91 days
Oct 31
Nov 30
Dec 31
Q4: 92 days
The first month of the quarter would have 31 days, plus December. (I figured with all the holidays, December could use the extra working day). February would remain special.
You heretics!
I love good old Feb. It’s small and cuddly, and since I live in the tropics I have no reason whatsoever to hate it.
Now, September must die!
When I used to get paid bi-monthly I loved February because it brought them paychecks in quicker than any other month.
Then I went to 26 paychecks per year every other week and February let them March bills show up too damn fast.
Six months, huh? So you’re from New England, the great lakes, the plains states, or Canada?
Then can we call the NCAA basketball championships Smarch Smadness?
Februaries suck.
Tuesdays suck (my logic being that you know Monday’s a nightmare, Wednesday’s the Peak of the Week, Thursday’s nearly the weekend, and TFI Friday… but Tuesday is just… meh.)
Therefore the worst days of the year are Tuesdays in February. The first Tuesday in February in particular. In the morning, before first coffee break. Just fuck it.
Germany. Actually, I’m from Virginia, and I seem to recall finding winter equally as long back then, but over here, there’s the joy of extra darkness as the days gets shorter and shorter, to the point that in December, the sun rises after the kids are already in school, which is wrong on just so many levels.
But at least there are the holidays to look forward to, and January has a sense of peace which is rather nice, and then you get to stupid February, and it’s still cold and still dark and still grey and still stupid winter, and the days won’t be soft and fragrant and warm and bright for just months, and it’s all too much.
And now we’re in March, and I’d like to invite everyone to join me in mocking
yet another February, dead and gone. Ha! In your face, February 2009! Pfffffftt!!
Pun intended? Or isn’t it a flat you’re renting?
Well, I shot my February pretty stupidly. Dunno 'bout the rest of you.
Any suspects yet? Maggie again?
Me too, but I also pronounce Wednesday wrong (I can’t bring myself to change it from the spelling), I got tired of getting corrected so now I just say Day of Odin if I’m forced to use it, so I guess it evens out.
Thought we’d all agreed not to pass February loaded guns any more.