I Pit Her Grand and Glorious Majesty Oprah.

Yes, oh Great One, I pit YOU!! Why?? Sure I’m just a measly peon in this huge cash-starved city, but I do have one wish in my heart, pitiful fool that I am, and that is to be able to travel to and from work without wishing I was dead, crushed in the vast crowds of commuters that crop up every time this city, in its infinite wisdom, closes the streets for some fuck-brained reason.

You need Michigan Avenue? Really? But, of course! Oh, you need it for three days? No problem. Is there anything else we can do for you? Would you like Lake Michigan drained because it smells funny during smelt season? No? Oh, thank you, thank you, your most exalted illuminance! Thank you for letting us keep our drinking water! Oh Christ, I hope I didn’t give you any ideas with my sarcasm.

Look lady, take your intermittantly fat ass over to Millenium Park if you want a fancy backdrop for your TV show. Or the Museum Campus. Or anyplace where I won’t have to squeeze my fat ass in with a lot of other fat asses into some sardine can of a public transportation vehicle, just to humor your latest whim.

P.S. Dear Mayor Daley: Fuck you!

You can make her go away. But you have to utilize The Secret.

A little context? Why is she taking over the streets?

Well, it’s the 24th anniversary of her “show” and not-so-coincidentally just about a month before the IOC makes their choice whether or not to burden the city with the waste of air and energy that is the Olympics. This Oprah thing totally fuxxors Mrs. Jockey’s commute as well. Seeing as it’s only 4 blocks from the house, it’s going to make things that much harder.

Seriously, you had a hand in Millenium Park, Miss O, go there.

Because she can?

The show will be happening right outside my building on Michigan Ave. I take the train in so my commute won’t be any worse for wear. Maybe I’m the only one around that thinks this is a pretty cool event. Our city is beautiful and any chance to show it off on a larger scale is fine by me.

Wait, where on Michigan is the show being held? I can’t think of any place besides Millenium Park that would have enough room for an audience.

A few months ago, I was unable to walk between my office and my car (without a huge detour) because they had the area shut off due to something Angelina Jolie was filming. I think I saw her come out of a tent while I was waiting. I eventually went ahead and took the long way around.

So, I came home late and said “Sorry, honey, I was detained by Angelina Jolie”. :smiley:

Yes, maybe someday he will learn that when you close off a bunch of streets you can advise folks on alternate routes with signs marked ‘detour’. But sadly that was not a priority whenever downtown was shutdown in the past.

You’ve just attracted all this negative energy to yourself, you know. You haven’t worked hard enough at visualizing Oprah not invading your city.

It’s going to be ON Michigan Avenue. The stage will be right on the north side of the Michigan Ave bridge facing north. The audience will fill the street.

Would you be this upset if Michigan Ave was closed for a three day parade to celebrate the Cub’s winning the pennant?

How about the Bull’s winning the Superbowl?

I’d bet the Oprah show brings in as much money, to the city of Chicago, as either of those ball clubs, so what’s the difference?

Hell yeah, I’d be pissed. And I’m a Cub fan! I gotta admit I’d attend the Bulls’ Superbowl win party. Since they’re a basketball team, it’d be the an historical occasion.

You realize your hypothetical contains two impossibilities?


Let me take a shot:

  1. As has already been pointed out, the Bulls play basketball.

  2. The Cubs (or one Cub’s) winning the pennant is even less likely.

Zat right?

A winner is you! (But not the Cubs… muhahahaha…)

MOL: :slight_smile: Glad you liked. It’s not often you have a one-liner set up on a tee like that…

I’d have to think about it, but the Cubs winning the pennant might be sufficient evidence to prove to me that god exists.

On second thought, nope.

I’ve never been able to watch Oprah for more than two seconds, but then I skip over all the "casual chat’ format shows.
But I do get tired of having to hear about how great she is. This is like how people fawned over Art Linkletter.

CASUAL CHAT?? Oprah talks about Deep Things and will Change Your Life. :rolleyes: I used to like her OK because her show was a step above other talk shows, but now she is so self-important. Her guest will say something and she’ll turn to the audience “Did y’all get that?” like the audience is a bunch of idiots.