I was going to write a poem today, because I am feeling pretty miserable right now and that’s usually how I find release. I began writing it, and got to a line where I wrote “a crushing wave of anxiety…” and then I stopped.
I looked at that line, and then looked at the Yahoo headlines about the thousands of people who were killed in the recent tsunamis, and I felt disgusted with myself.
I mean really, what fucking right do I have to feel any self-pity, any loathing, when I have life and freedom…when I have family, a home…when my child is healthy and well when others have lost their own heart’s blood due to the violence of nature.
I am of two minds on this. On the one hand, you’re right. I’ve got food, shelter, family, and health. How bad could it really be, compared to life in third world countries hit by the worst natural disaster in decades?
On the other hand, it’s all relative. If life gets noticably worse that what you are accustomed to, then it’s depressing. This is true for any given value of “what you are accustomed to”. I’m stressing about meeting deadlines at work, deadlines that are meaningless outside of my office, and will be forgotten in a month’s time.
Shallow compared to a flood victim, but important to me right now
Paris Hilton is stressed about getting the wrong brand of caviar for her dog. Shallow to me, but important to her.
Say that Joe Rajnabad in India is stresed because his daughter is missing in the flood. Compared to Bob Shankhajar down the street, who is paralyzed from the waist down and lost his entire family, are Joe’s concerns shallow, just because they are lesser?
[QUOTE=JSexton]
On the other hand, it’s all relative. If life gets noticably worse that what you are accustomed to, then it’s depressing. This is true for any given value of “what you are accustomed to”. I’m stressing about meeting deadlines at work, deadlines that are meaningless outside of my office, and will be forgotten in a month’s time.
Shallow compared to a flood victim, but important to me right now.
[QUOTE]
A very sensible answer, JSexton. Poeticyde, don’t be so down on yourself. You’re entitled to your depression. Terrible things will always be happening in the world. It doesn’t make your feelings about your life any less valid.
You could always turn it around and merely take the character of the part of yourself that feels this way. Allow yourself to express these feelings but in the subtext you’re looking at yourself and noting the irony. That way you can have your cake and eat it too: be cathartic yet assuage your guilt at wanting to do so.
Thanks all. I was feeling particularly down earlier, and the whole thing made me feel worse. I’m good now, I think…I wrote my poem after all, and its done with.
