I pit my fellow funeral goers.

Tangentially relevant partial off-topic, but…

My father was very active in county politics and he was a teacher for 30 years and he died suddenly and his funeral was on a day when state offices were closed, so all things combined to give him a huge funeral (i.e. the slave balcony [not being facetious, that’s what it was] of the church was filled for the first time in years and those who came late had to stay outside). The cemetery was about 15 miles from the church and a huge percentage of the mourners followed it. Add to this the fact it was a couple of days after the worst snowfall in the history of Alabama and there was still a lot of crunch snow/ice on the ground and it was a nasty procession.

So, the funeral procession stretched for easily a couple of miles. At some point an 18 wheeler got into it, occasionally whenever the highway would briefly 4 lane cutting ahead of other cars. At some point one of the accompanying sherrives pulled him over. I remember at the graveside hearing somebody asked “Did you arrest him or just gib’ 'em a ticket?” and the sheriff responding “Neither one. Just held him there by the side’the’road til all the funeral was gone by… he ain’t done nothin’ wrong by the law.” I’ve always remembered that- the escorts are a courtesy but there’s nothing illegal about cutting in and sometimes you can’t help it.
A few years later a woman had a car-accident on the street in front of our apartment (her vehicle badly damaged and she was very distraught but nobody was hurt) and since we lived closest to where her car wrecked we took her in. The cause of the accident was that an ambulance with sirens blaring was approaching a 4 way stop just as she (who had right of way) was going through the stop sign and, thinking that the ambulance wasn’t going to slow down, she swerved, was knocked out of the way by another car [that was barely hurt at all] and that sent her into a phone poll. The ambulance and the other car both kept going (hit-and-run from the other driver).
Anyway, the point is that when the cop came to make the accident report he told her (and I always remember this too) that the accident was her fault even though she swore that “If I hadn’t let him have the road he’d have hit me” and was in hysterics. He explained that “an emergency vehicle does not have the right to force anybody off the road- even if you’re going under the speed limit it can’t make you speed up… it can only request that you do so.” He also said that EMTs did have the right to disregard speed limits and other laws, but that their drivers were highly trained to never assume others were going to let them in and even though it may look like they’re not stopping for that red light they can and will if they have to since the vehicles are checked regularly and the brakes are excellent.
Obviously whenever possible I pull over or otherwise oblige an emergency vehicle, but I’ve remembered that I’m not obligated to do so a couple of times when to accomodate the emergency vehicle might have been possible but also might have seriously endangered me (e.g. when I could possibly run a red light with the ambulance behind me but to do so might get me hit). (Alabama Drivers have never one time scored on any “most observant and considerate vehicle operators” poll anywhere- if you’re ever traveling down here, for instance, always look both ways when crossing a one-way street, never assume that the fact somebody knows the left lane is for passing/right lane is for cruising, and drive aggressively when cutting in because Southern hospitality does not extend to letting other drivers in).

Worst funeral etiquette breach I ever made was unintentional but still dreadfully embarassing. I went to a co-workers funeral back when I drove the late lamented Victor Yugo, a car that was lobotomized by an accident I had in it and was never right afterwards and could look at Job and say “pfft… think you got problems? I’d skip down Main Street eating crackers if I had your problems instead of mine so quit yer bitchin’!” I blew the horn- just a 'beep" to let someone know it was okay to get in front of me. Unfortunately when I released the horn after the ‘beep’ it had separation anxiety and stuck, so I had to go through a 2 mile funeral processing going BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP! and making pained expressions to try and indicate what the hell was the problem until the car stopped long enough at a red light that I was able to identify and pull the appropriate fuse out, which also controlled something else but for the life of me I can’t remember what (lights? cigarette lighter? windshield wipers? honestly don’t remember, but damn I hated that car).

Oh, good grief! You make me realize that there are worse noises than driving 80 miles and two hours through a NY blizzard with a seat belt alarm that would not shut up. It was a Ford Escort, and had one of those seemingly nice sounding bell alarms. DING DING DING

Which, if you can satisfy it, isn’t bad at all.

Unfortunately, around Fredonia I had my last stop of the day, and when I get back into the car, the seat belt sensor would not believe me when I said I had the seatbelt buckled.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

It was something like 18 F, and since it was the Fredonia area there was plenty of lake effect snow added to the rest that had come down from Canada to visit.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

I tried pulling fuses, and couldn’t get it to shut up.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

Well, not without killing something else I needed. I’m not sure what it was, at this point. It may have been simply the radio. Or the dashboard lights. Or the windshield wipers. Or the headlights. About the only thing I know it couldn’t have been was the horn. I know I need one, by law, but I never use the silly thing.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

So, I was stuck with about three inches of wet snow on the road, iffy plowing being done, and light going. And that damned bell going off.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

For some reason, that must have made sense to me at the time, the idea of stopping and spending the night while some mechanic could kill that for me was anathema.

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

I discovered that day that all the stories about Poe’s The Bells being a fun poem were lies! E. A. Poe had gotten stuck in a time warp, and heard my car. And he joined me, yelling out the window everything I could remember about the poem.

“To the DING swinging DING and the DING ringing DING
Of the DING bells DING, bells DING, bells DING,
Of the DING bells DING, bells DING, bells DING, bells DING,
Bells DING, bells DING, bells DING-
To the DING rhyming DING and the DING chiming DING of the DING bells DING!”

After I got home I wondered just how I managed the trip without having the men with the butterfly nets chasing after me. Eventually, I came to the conclusion, that the men in white suites must not like chasing nuts in snow storms.

They’re sane, after all.

Or, if they did, to realize that they had done so.

I once waited through a couple of minutes and a couple of lights for a much-slower-than-the-speed-limit funeral procession. Finally it came to an end, so I pulled out, making a left turn, and followed a respectful distance behind (enough not to be mistaken for part of the cortege) on my way home. Suddenly, here comes a deputy at almost twice the speed limit, slowing down only to force me off the road (though there are two lanes and I’m in the right one), and keeps me there for almost another minute until the hitherto-lost tribe of mourners whom he was leading showed up. They had all been out of sight, two hundred yards or more away, when I pulled out. I figure the law-enforcement clown was making me the goat for his apparently unique ability to @#$% up a 30 mph funeral procession on a trafficless Sunday morning. Perhaps I should have turned on the headlights.

In any event, if you attend a wedding, you’re supposed to know beforehand where the wedding and the reception are. Funerals are not inherently more emotional, but even if they were, the officials guiding them shouldn’t be so overcome as to risk more death before dishonor. I mention this because it seems from frog princess’ OP that the municipal leadership owns most of the blame in this case. It’s not surprising, either: who wants to get good at this job?

That’s some funny shit, right there.

Nice paraphrase of John Donne there!

But yeah, I think it still applies. Small town funerals still have the people pulling off the road, and it’s not unheard of for people to do the same in larger cities around here.

I’m relieved and surprised that someone got it.

I love this board.

The funny thing is, I don’t really consider myself all that much of a literary person. It just happens that Meditation XVII was about the only piece of poetry that I had to read in high school that struck me as particularly poignant and relevant.

Still, I read your sentence and immediately thought of the part that you paraphrased:

My condolences on your loss.

Now for the unsolicited advice. Have a very polite hissyfit to the funeral home, by phone (if you can keep it together) and by mail, either way. The cop was hired by the mortuary to control traffic, and he or she didn’t, due to lack of training or interest or whatever. That is the funeral directors fault.

<shaggy dog story warning>

The last dozen funerals I have been to (big family), the mortuary had a person at door after the indoor service to politely remind the mourners to turn on their brights, no passing, stay in line, do what the cop says, yadda-yadda, during the procession to the burial site.

There was a lovely procession today in Minot ND – Totally screwed up construction zone traffic, but EVERYONE pulled over for the 100-vehicle procession. Even those of us who never heard of the deceased, with out-of-state/country plates, going the other way on a divided highway. Civilized drivers, aware escorts (cops), and reminded mourners makes for a dignified procession.

I have been in other opposing traffic-type during an unknown persons procession. I did call the mortuary (LOVE the phone number on the hearse door!) on two occasions. One where the cop slugged :eek: a confused elderly mourner who tried to politely rejoin the end of the line (small town, every one knew everyone, cop moved away shortly thereafter), and once on main artery in a major metropolis that had the mourners scattered from the Turnpike to Speer (Denver Dopers will understand. For the rest of you, it’s a really long way, isn’t actually on the way to a cemetary, with a couple dozen stoplights to further screw up things), with six rent-a-cops immediately behind the hearse. Both times, many so-sorry-we’ll-fix-that’s were said, and improvements were made.

In the case of the Denver area Mortuary, they got their shit together for about 6 months after a legitmate complaint, and then go to hell in handbasket again. Let’s just say my parents will NOT be buried anywhere near 38th and Wads.

My point is, tell the funeral director. Too late for your uncle, and I am very sorry about that, but maybe it will help to not offend someone else.

My brother’s funeral had quite a procession. Not huge but we had a ways to go from service to graveyard.

The motorcycle officers on duty did a great job of hearding us all the way. Stopping traffic at the intersections and at the end, even ticketing someone would couldn’t wait for the entire procession to enter the cemetery via left turn with a police officer ordering her to stop while directing the traffic.

I kind of felt bad for her. I doubt that Tom, my brother, would want her to get a ticket on his account.

Hell, I do. I figure they’ll cordon off at least five city blocks, what with the shooting spree and pipe bombs and hostages and all.

Really?

I have known what a funeral procession looks like since I was a child. I am now 39. My daughter also knows what they look like and she is 17. I have never seen one pass or been blocked by one that did not have a leading block car with yellow bubble lights on top to clear and block intersections, a hearse and every car following had their lights on and flags on the cars.

For my grandfathers funeral it was a long journey from the funeral home to the cemetery. We had to travel over 30 miles and most of it was freeway driving. We had to have two blocking cars that cleared and blocked the intersections on the way to the freeway. Once on the freeway we had one lead and one follow. Once we got off the freeway we had a police escort as my grandfather used to be a police officer in the town he lived, which was the same town he was buried in. Even with a cop car leading, one block car still blocked intersections and the other remained behind us. All that for a five car procession.

I have never seen them as dangerous nor felt annoyed because I had to wait through a green light or two. When I see a procession I can not help to feel a twinge of sorrow for the family and friends. They are on a journey to say their last goodbye to a loved one. The very least I can do is let them pass with out interruption.

Here, by the way, are the relevant laws:

http://www.cga.ct.gov/2004/rpt/2004-R-0303.htm

New York State doesn’t seem to have a precedence law for funeral processions.

In any event, if you attend a wedding, you’re supposed to know beforehand where the wedding and the reception are. Funerals are not inherently more emotional, but even if they were, the officials guiding them shouldn’t be so overcome as to risk more death before dishonor. I mention this because it seems from frog princess’ OP that the municipal leadership owns most of the blame in this case. It’s not surprising, either: who wants to get good at this job?
[/QUOTE]

This was what really upset me the most. The police and fire officials who were participating in the service couldn’t get it right. I understand no one wants to be good at this job, and it is a small town of 6000 with a call fire department and only a handful of full time police, they don’t do this often enough to have it perfected. The cemetary was less than 1 mile from the church, we came out of a side street, turned down them main road, went by one side street and the post office then turned into the cemetary. I do agree with others that sometimes funeral processions can be a danger, but I think it depends on the location.
It is however against Massachusetts state law to “disturb a funeral assembly or procession”
http://www.mass.gov/legis/laws/mgl/272-42.htm
http://www.mass.gov/legis/laws/mgl/272-40.htm

My grandmother’s funeral was in a small town. We were warned upfront that the police had agreed to provide an escort but might not–either due to more important duties or due to forgetfulness. If so, approach the one stoplight on the route with extreme caution.

But frankly, other than that comment–which I’m not sure I didn’t hear mostly because I was Family-- I think the funeral director devoted more time to explaining how the Family cars were to line up in front of the church but across the marked parking spaces than he did to talking about general “how one drives in a funeral procession”.

Which is arguably a shame because neither driver of the first two Family cars was local–my dad drove my mom and her siblings, my brother’s wife drove me. (Brother got to ride in the limo with the rest of the pall bearers. First limo ride, at a funeral, yay!) (Also, while my dad had presumably driven in a funeral procession before, or at least had passengers with experience, sis-in-law and I did not).

On the other hand, I doubt the funeral procession proceeded for more than a mile and it contained only two turns(counting the one to enter the cemetary, but not any turns inside the cemetary), and the police escort showed up, drove to the stoplight, and physically blocked traffic with his SUV.

Everyone arrives, sis-in-law and I join my parents and mom’s siblings on the hot velvet chairs at graveside. 5 minute ceremony, some time to mill around and chat with distant family, make sure everyone knows they are invited to come back to the church and eat with us, redistribute the pallbearers among other vehicles, and back we went to the church.

All things considered, it could have been a lot worse.

This is one of the more interesting threads I’ve read in a while, I’ve never heard of or seen a funeral procession except in the movies and didn’t know anything about the laws or customs involved. I’m 25 by the way. I’m sorry for your loss frog princess but you may have prevented me from ruining someone else’s experience.

What I need to complain about the most recent funeral procession I was involved in (my dad’s in 2003; yes it was a while ago, but it’s not the sort of thing you forget) was that, idiotically, the two funeral home cars (the hearse and the other car) were up front, rather than having one bring up the rear. Some of the procession cars got cut off and lost; in the end, they ended up at the wrong cemetery altogether (it was Mount Royal Cemetery, and they thought it was the larger cemetery on Mount Royal, Notre-Dame-des-Neiges).

It’s impractical in a medium sized city like Baton Rouge. I’d say it’s impractical in any town over, say, 10,000 in population.

I live in Minneapolis/St. Paul. The only time I’ve found funeral processions to be impractical is when they are extraordinarily large. A policeman shot in the line of duty (mentioned upthread - I’ve seen one of those too - BIG procession - with PLENTY of escorts), the death of a child. And even then, they aren’t impossible - but it probably isn’t a bad idea to have maps from the church to the gravesite for those that manage to get seperated, and more than a few escorts. The vast majority of processions I’ve given way for have been small - minor inconviences on my part. Funeral processions seldom take place when a lot of people are on the road. When you are talking about a hearse followed by six cars worth of mouners, it really isn’t a big deal in a town with a decent transportation infrastructure.

Now, I can see why they aren’t practical in a town like Boston - which has roads not actually designed for cars and far too many cars on the roads even mid-day.

I didn’t know until last week when I got yelled at by a cop for cutting into one.

You get invitations to weddings. People don’t send out invitations to funerals (do they?)

With the exception of the hearse in front, you just described at least half of the vehicles on the Long Island Expressway.