I extend your pitting to them as well. You never leave a girl friend alone in a bar unless she has met up with other people she knows and will be with them because that makes her an immediate target for anyone watching who has malevolent designs.
I find myself in an odd position here, which is having some experience that might be relevant.
First, I’ve been a bartender in several places, in several states, over (not continuously, just jobs I had at one time or another) several decades.
Second, I have a neurological condition that can, if it flares up and I don’t have meds handy (which I don’t, mostly, because it flares up so rarely), can make me appear to be hammered. I slur my words, I’m a bit uncoordinated.
So, first of all, yes, absolutely, keep the possibility that your wife may have been drugged front and center. You know your wife better than anyone, you know her usual behavior when drinking, and so on. Your judgment matters a lot in this situation.
But also…
Drugging the drinks of strangers in bars as part of a rape scheme, or a robbery scheme, is something that happens incredibly rarely, at least in the US. I’ve never seen it happen (yes, I know, it could happen without me knowing, but it’s safe to say I’ve spend a lot more time in bars than most people). As I think someone said above, alcohol is a pretty useful drug for that kind of thing, and it’s available inexpensively and perfectly legally anywhere, especially in a bar. There’s no major need to slip something extra into someone’s drink. Just keep the party going.
As I said, I’d keep the possibility that someone did indeed dose her in mind. But I would also absolutely follow up with a physician. Because maybe there’s a neurological issue here.
I’m no doctor, of course, but I understand from your post that your wife was under the influence of something for around 24 hours? That’s a long time for either booze or any drug that I know of to remain in effect, so to speak. Again, I’m not a doctor. I don’t know. But I’ve never seen or heard of that. So, if it were me, I’d be talking to a doctor about this.
I myself, in your situation, would avoid trying to read too much (or anything) into your observation that your wife appeared to be intoxicated in a way different from how you’d seen her intoxicated in the past. That can happen. Based on my experience behind the bar, someone who’s had a few too many (or even one too many) can behave differently one night than you’d ever seen them behave in the past.
So, again, your wife could have been drugged. I don’t think that happens as often as people think it happens, but it does happen.
But get her to a doctor. Tell the doc all about this. Get an opinion. I think this is something you and she should do at the earliest possible opportunity.
Amen.
It might do minimal good, but it might be a big help. Especially long-term.
There’s no doubt it’d be the best thing for her.
The thing is, you might think this isn’t necessary, and maybe it’s not. BUT you are not likely to regret doing it, and you might really (at some point) regret NOT doing it, know what I mean? Can’t hurt, might help.
At the very least, she won’t start wondering if there’s something terrible wrong with her health and worrying about it happening again on top of her other stresses.
And I agree 1000% with Jasmine that the people who ditched her should be pitted, too. No matter how many times she was at that same bar there’s a different crowd there every time.
My best to you and your wife. I can’t imagine how terrifying all this must have been for both of you.
I’m just a bit troubled by one thing in this thread. Between @msmith537 and @Saintly_Loser, there is a vague sense of scoffing at the idea that anyone would ever be drugged at a bar.
@nelliebly posted a video showing it’s possible. I’d like to add that I have known two people to whom it has happened - both were foreign men, out on the town looking for a good time in Jakarta with a local woman. Both were robbed - in one case, he was sick for days and his entire apartment was cleaned out. The other one was lucky enough to simply come to by the roadside with his wallet gone.
Neither of my examples happened in the US and neither happened to women. And I certainly have no idea what really happened to the OP’s wife. But automatically being skeptical of the drugging scenario, as msmith537 says s/he is, smacks a little bit of victim-blaming to me. C’mon guys … it may not be common, but don’t relegate the possibility to the status of urban legend. Not being believed is the last thing someone who has been through it needs.
If date rape drugs were not a thing, I wouldn’t exist. And yes, someone saw him do it. Long story.
The question isn’t whether it’s possible. It clearly is, and it happens. The likelihood of it being a drugging case versus a medical issue is what most people seem to be questioning, and it may be better to cover the more likely scenario before jumping to the less likely.
I can definitely confirm that spiking drinks with date rape drugs can happen- not to me, personally, luckily, but there was a minor epidemic of it in the town I grew up in, and it happened to multiple classmates. At least 2 had it medically confirmed, there were several others who strongly suspected it, but weren’t supposed to be in that nightclub due to being underage, so didn’t report it. They got police swoops testing unattended drinks on several occasions, which found several drugged drinks every time I heard about it (possibly they just didn’t report the negatives).
It probably was a small group of utter assholes, but yeah, it can happen.
Again, it’s far easier than you’re imagining. In the video I linked to, you can see how incredibly quickly it’s done. In another video–I’ll link it if you’d like–a woman successfully slipping popcorn kernels in lieu of drugs to show how easy it is says she practiced for all of two minutes. If you’re imagining someone taking a pill out of a pocket, looking around nervously to see if anyone’s watching, then dropping the pill in a drink while everyone is watching, you should watch the video I linked to.
Perpetrators know exactly how their drug of choice works, how quickly it takes effect, and likely responses. Then it’s a simple matter to convince the impaired victim he wants to help her. The last thing one woman remembered was a guy offering to help her look for her car. Police suspect he was the one who slipped her the drug and her attacker.Hysteria is not the norm but does happen. They’re still impaired and vulnerable. (“I see you’re upset. Let me help you get home OK.”) Victims may or may not pass out, but there’s usually a wide window of opportunity.
As @CairoCarol and I each said in our examples, there can be other reasons for slipping someone a drug. I know another case, the daughter of a friend of mine in California, but I don’t think relating more real-life cases would fight dismissiveness. Cops and DA’s know it happens. They call it “drug-facilitated sexual assault.” You may have heard of a guy who successfully used a variation of it many times. His name is Bill Cosby.
You’re assuming a medical condition is the more likely scenario. And CairoCarol and I were responding to the general skepticism of msmith537, et al. I agreed a doctor’s appointment is a good idea. I don’t agree that a medical issue is necessarily the more likely explanation.
Believe me, I’m not scoffing. Re-read my post.
I also think that in a case like this, it might be unwise to rule out a medical incident, and possibly have something serious go undetected and untreated, because one assumes that the person was drugged.
That’s not “scoffing.”
Agreed, which why I said that between the two of you, there was a “vague” sense. I think msmith537 was closer to it than you. Still, “I’ve bartended and I’ve never seen it happen” is a fairly strong statement. But if I’ve inaccurately characterized your position, I apologize.
Well, it’s a true statement, whether it’s strong or not.
But it’s a useless statement that doesn’t actually mean anything. The whole idea of drugging someone’s drink is that it’s done when no one is looking. (I very much doubt that the OP’s wife was drugged, but yes in this thread there does seem to be a strong current of men saying “I have not seen it. Therefore it rarely happens.”)
OK, forget it. My experience is irrelevant. You’re right.
Still seems worthwhile to see a doctor.
Overdoing an edible can lead to a 24 hour high. And eating a few seemingly innocent gummies isn’t that hard to do nowadays. Doesn’t really fit the other symptoms though.
Yes, I’ve known several women to be drugged at bars, clubs, or concerts. Some were raped. It’s life-shattering, and yes, it happens.
The things that make it seem to me that the event was caused by the unwitting ingestion of an unknown substance:
- My wife’s behavior was uncharacteristic, whether drunk, tipsy, or sober.
- Even in her high school days (before we met) and she drank much more and did some other things that probably weren’t healthy, she says she never felt like that before.
- During her phone conversation with me, she said that the bar’s staff wouldn’t let her leave. That fits with the “Let me help you” line that could be used by the provider of the drug.
- My wife also said “They’re watching me.” during our conversation. I took “they” to be the bar staff, but that seems strange to me. The place was busy with a live band, people dancing, patrons ordering drinks, etc. Yet the bar staff was watching her? I could also tell from the phone conversation that she was OUTSIDE. Our conversation would get interrupted when other people opened the door and the music was too loud for us to talk. So, a staff member went outside to watch her? That seems unlikely. I think it was the person who did it was waiting for her to get off the phone so he could “help” her.
- The police found her stumbling around looking for her car. Maybe someone was with her who evaporated when the cops showed up.
- She drank three frozen Jack and Cokes. These are mixed up in a freezing machine prior to the evening’s activity, so the alcohol content is more consistent than might be common in a bartender-mixed drink. I’ve had this drink at this bar. It’s pretty weak, in my estimation. It’s mostly water.
As an aside, I really appreciate this conversation. I’ve never really considered the Pit as a place for intelligent conversation, so I don’t come here often. I am changing my assessment.
I started a reply earlier but then bailed out.
I’m really sorry for what happened to your wife. I have no idea whether it was a drugging, a medical issue, or what.
What I was going to say earlier is …
My wife went to a concert with a group of close friends recently. One of them brought a pitcher of [wait for it] Jack and Cokes.
And my wife had three.
She’s not a high-tolerance drinker and swore the next day that she felt out of control and surprisingly intoxicated. Nobody else did. Most had the same number of Jack and Cokes from the same batch.
My question to her was: wasn’t that a whole lot of sugar for a woman whose diet contains very little sugar, generally ?
My (Nurse Practitioner) wife thought this was interesting.
As I say … no idea what happened in your case (but it’s horrifying on its face), but it did sound a wee bit familiar at first, and even more familiar with this recent addition of what was on the menu.
HTH.