My body has decided to carry all of its tension in my jaw. My jaw muscles are filled with pain. And I can’t exactly stretch them, now can I?
The government is conspiring against my boyfriend and me.
Seriously.
The last time we tried to get together for him to meet my parents, they needed all the data entry guys to work on voter registrations with lots and lots of overtime. Now they need all the data entry guys to work on election recounts with overtime.
And of course, both times, they spring it on him the afternoon of the day he was supposed to meet my parents. I’m unhappy.
Is competance from co-workers too much to ask for? Yesterday afternoon, I gave you 13 documents. Pull the clean ones from the database, insert dividers, spiral bind it, I need it this morning…
What gave you the possible idea 3 pm this afternoon was acceptable? And why did you jumble up the order of them? I told you those were the originals, that I had no other copy…
Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
I think it’s funny when people misspell “competence.” That is all. 
Oh, that isn’t all. Regarding the lying Glade women - I’ve noticed a lot of lying beeyotches in food ads, too. Apparently women all lie, all the time, for incredibly stupid reasons (“Yes, this is my own secret cheese blend! Don’t tell anyone!”).
Pick up your feet when you walk, dammit! That ‘scuff-scuff-scuff’ sound is incredibly annoying.
How does anyone walk like that all the time and not wear out the heels of their shoes within two weeks?
Dear Idiot Client,
I’m better at this than you are, which is, in theory, why you signed my contract, so stop with the neurotic BS micromanagement, and let me make you some money.
Your employees are all on the same page, they don’t need another fucking meeting and you are a nutjob, because your true MIssion Statement is “not in the red.” That’s why you hired me, right?
Except you’re batshit insane and stupid. Since my contract ends at midnight tomorrow, I will personally almost enjoy my fee check bouncing, but my budget will have to hold a grudge until the moon turns blue with cold. Because you are a batshit insane moron.
BTW, I hope you gain 10 pounds by Wednesday, because you are not only stupid and neurotic, you are a shallow batshit insane moron.
Since this is debt collection, you’re a moron with a shitty lawyer, and I’m not, I will eventually get paid, but you will never get rid of that 10 pounds, nor will you EVER realize that being a size 8 is not the end of the world. Because you’re a batshit insane shallow moron.
Hugs - Pansy
Well, I guess I have to take this rant back now because you just hired me.
Seriously, though: WTF?
I don’t know why I continue punishing myself by straying from my preferred grocery store. All others have become a tyranny of bums accosting me in the parking lot, charities trying to publicly shame me into contributing to causes I don’t believe in, little old ladies hawking samples of whatever craptastic carb-laden comestibles happen to be the flavor of the week (and which are forbidden for my consumption), people older than me calling me “ma’am”*, Rachael Ray, and the soulless drone of “checkout TV”.
*Addendum: “Ma’am”? Seriously, when the *fuck *did *that *happen?
Ok, I pit my ex-boyfriend. he is absolutely crazy. A pathological liar and intensely emtionally abusive. If anyone ever in my life ever calls me a fucking bitch again, I will run to the hills. I do not deserve to be left on the side of the road in the Okee Fenokee Swamp in the middle of the night. I do not deserve to have all my clothes and shoes taken away from me just because you don’t think I deserve “all these nice things”. And then hidden when I come over with the cops to retreive them. You think you are the best thing that ever happened to me? Then why does everyone i know and my whole family tell me to get the hell away from you? I also don’t deserve to have the door screwed shut with all my stuff inside just because I was 20 minutes late.
Wow, that felt good.
ETA: sorry, not entertaining at all, but had to get that out…
You know when a good time is to stroll leisurely through the incredibly busy downtown mall, three abreast so no one can get past? Not at noon on Friday. Actually, try never. My loud “EXCUSE ME!” was the politest thing you n00bs heard, I’m fairly sure. Now, off to shop for a cattle prod…
Girl, that’s not a mini-rant. That’s a “thank Og I got the hell out of there before he made me into a lamp.”
Dear Moronic 7th Grader:
I caught you cheating on the test. Red-handed. Other kids saw you too. When I give you a zero and call your dad, your Academy Award-level performance, including hysterical crying, lying your ass off with some really creative, bizarre, and impossible bullshit despite being CAUGHT RED HANDED, trying to implicate other, uninvolved children so they would share your trouble, and telling me you hate me, isn’t going to accomplish anything besides making a spectacle of yourself. You will still get a zero. I will still call your dad. And the person who is the villain here is not me. It’s you. Got it?
Thanks,
Your English Teacher
I agree. Just be thankful you were not put in a pit, while your “boyfriend” was up above saying “now it puts the lotion on it’s skin”
Holy mackerel, Pullet is exactly right with this one.
Drunk people of the Isle of Man. I implore you to learn what a taxi looks like.
I am not a taxi. So desist trying to flag me down at 12:05am when I’m leaving work.
Not only do I not have a big lit up taxi sign on my car but, how many S-type Jaguar taxis have you EVER seen?
Edit: On the day that I finally flip out at work, as well as the crazy things I’m going to do before I leave work, once I leave work I’m going to stop and let you in. Then I’m going to take you to Snaefel (the highest peak on the IOM, and quite remote from any civilization or shelter) and once there I’m going to assure you that this is definitely Ramsey where you asked to be taken. And by the way there’s no charge.
Listen, panhandler.
You asked specifically for 75 cents. You were lucky that I didn’t have change but I did have a dollar bill. Which I freely gave you.
The appropriate response would have been, “Thanks.” Or you could have just said nothing. But what did you do? You had to ruin my goodwill by asking for another dollar.
I know desperation makes you do and say stupid things. But it’s stuff like that which makes people hate the homeless.
People do this at my university. I just started running my mighty Teutonic frame right through them.
What the hell happened to the Black Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits?
They still have all the other new flavors, and some even newer triangle-shaped crisp things, but I really liked the Black Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits.
I can’t find them anywhere! :mad:
Hrmm… I bought a box at WalMart two days ago. Haven’t even opened them yet. Want me to send em to ya?
[nitpicking]Technically, almost every bee is a virgin. Only the few lucky drones and the queen aren’t virgins.[/nitpicking]