In trying to keep with the true spirit of the ‘Mini-rant’, I will be breaking my rants into three posts this morning. Here is the first:
Under the Heading of “You Have Got To Be Kidding Me”:
Yesterday, I needed make a quick stop at the store to pick up a gallon of milk for Mama. It was 5:00 am when I pulled into the convenience store and parked in one of the eleven open spaces. There are no vehicles parked in any of the 6 spaces to the left. There were no vehicles parked in any of the 4 spaces to the right. I enter the store and purchase the one item I came for. As I’m walking out of the store I hold the door for a (somewhat sleezy) young (twenty-ish) lady(?) who is on her way in. I take two more steps and freeze. There is now a car parked next to mine, but, there seems to be a slight problem here, though.
I double check the lines on the pavement. Yup, my vehicle is centered between the lines. There are still 5 empty spaces to the left of this new vehicle. I can not see any reason for her to park so close to my vehicle, yet there it is - less than 4 inches between my car and hers. There is no physical way for me to get into my vehicle.
So I wait.
May as well smoke a cigarette.
(It should be noted here that I am rarely this patient …)
After an additional 5 minutes, I re-enter the store and find that she is conversing with her friend, the clerk.
So, I ask, politely, “Excuse me, could you please move your car so that I may leave”.
She responds thusly: “Well! I never! Can’t you see we’re talking here? I’ll move my car when I get good and ready! I mean, really, how rude can you get?!?!”
I proceeded to demonstrate just how rude I ‘really’ can get.
(The very understanding police officer stopped short of arresting me for disturbing the peace. Still had to wait a while longer while he impounded and towed her car for expired plates and registration. He also arrested her on an outstanding warrant.)
Oh, and Dearie? Here are a couple of additional thoughts that the police officer would not allow me the time to convey to you:
I initially thought that you were an (somewhat sleezy) gibbering idiot. Now, I have a much lower opinion of you. You are a unspeakably rude, monstrously ill-mannered, reprehensible, enema-addicted plague upon humanity. The world’s most stooopid mucus-eating, lobotomized psychiatric out-patient has more common sense than you do. You lack even the dim flicker of sentience needed to qualify as a imbecile. Furthermore, I hope that warrant is a ‘no bail’ or a ‘$1,000,000 cash only warrant’, because the thing that terrifies me the most is that members of my family might be out here using the same road as you.