I live in England, which has the unfortunate distinction of being this year’s host for the parasitic organism known as ‘The Olympics’.
So far, it’s caused a circus convention I was going to attend to be cancelled (they can’t get the caterers, or hire any toilets as the sporty bastards are apprently taking over the whole country for the entire summer).
It’s going to cause major traffic problems all over the country, as idiots with nothing better to do go to gawp slack-jawed in the street at a burning stick.
It’s sold all the tickets to travel agencies so even those not disillusioned with the whole thing can’t actually go, unless they’re prepared to pay over 10 times the ticket face value and have a bed-bug infested slum room included in the ‘deal’.
But I could cope with that; it was annoying, stupid and selfish, but I could deal…
Until they sent me an email.
You see, foolishly, I had succumbed to a moment’s weakness and signed up for the ticket sales, back in the optimistic glory days of last year, when many of us were under the laughable delusion that this was in some way going to be ‘fun’.
Of course, I didn’t actually get any tickets. Since then, they’ve been persistantly emailing me to let me know the qualifying round of the nose-picking event still has one ticket left, which could be mine for only £300.
And today, they emailed me. The official, Lisa Simpson Blowjob Olympics ticket sales department emailed me.
The title of the email?
‘You’re chance for Olympic Games tickets - Buy now’