I Pit This Guy at the Office Who Smells Like Hell Crammed Up the Ass of a Dead Salmon

The BBQ Pit
21

[QUOTE=Waverly]
I don’t think it’s logical to ignore the issue because there is a remote possibility that he suffers from an untreatable condition. That would be looking to set the policy based on the exceptions.
[/quote]

Who said anything about setting a policy? The number of people who show up to work emitting an eye-watering reek is small enough that I think it can be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. If the guy in the OP could show medical proof that there’s nothing he can do about his odor, should he still be shown the door? Seems a little harsh on the stinky guy, is all. Would you be happy to have your tax dollars go to supporting this guy, because his incurable stank renders him unfit for employment?

Somewhat similar, but the crucial difference is that, if the fat guy wants to travel by airplane without discomforting other people, he can always buy a second seat. If this guy can’t help how he smells, there’s really nothing he can do to limit how it affects other people, short of boarding up his front door and never leaving the house again. Which, again, seems a liitle harsh.

22

[QUOTE=Miss Purl McKnittington]

Of course, he might just being using Sex Panther as an aftershave, too.

[/QUOTE]

Ok, the OP made me giggle, but for some reason, this line made me laugh out loud, to the point where my husband (in the middle of watching The Shining and therefore presumable inured to bizarre laughter) had to come see what on earth had happened.

And as for the OP, I can sympathize - I’ve had 2 co-workers in the past half a decade or so who were so bad in the personal hygiene department that management had to intervene - one manager kept a can of air freshener in her office, because she didn’t do subtle.

23

[QUOTE=Miller]
Who said anything about setting a policy? The number of people who show up to work emitting an eye-watering reek is small enough that I think it can be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. If the guy in the OP could show medical proof that there’s nothing he can do about his odor, should he still be shown the door? Seems a little harsh on the stinky guy, is all. Would you be happy to have your tax dollars go to supporting this guy, because his incurable stank renders him unfit for employment?
[/quote]
You don’t set a policy or a rule based on the exceptions. It’s a statement of the logic as I see it, not a suggestion that the employer needs an actual stinky guy clause in the employee handbook. Sure it can be case by case, but you seem to agree he should be approached. The employer does have an interest in offering the rest of the office a comfortable working environment. Depending upon what was causing the stench and what could be done about, yeah, walking papers might be necessary.

What condition do you have in mind that is incurable, untreatable, unmaskable, and cannot be mitigated in any way? I admit there might be some, but really, that would be a zebra, wouldn’t it?

24

Many moons ago, there was a coworker who was pungent. He had a girlfriend who worked there, too.

I think he was the showering every morning, deoderant, etc kind of guy, but by 1200PM after physical labor for 4-5 hours, this guy was just rank. Like across the room rank.

I like the smell of honest, fresh manly sweat, I really do. But he smelled like the undead’s ass.

Absolutely horrid.

25

One of the nice things about being a teacher is that you actually have the authority in some circumstances to give The Speech.

I had a student who, by all other measures, was a sweet and pleasant fellow. Unfortunately, after about the second month of school, he stank. He stank on ice. Nasty old laundry smell, BO smell, and foot smell. A couple of students mentioned it to me. I waited to make sure that it really was him and it wasn’t a one-time thing, and then I asked him to stay after class.

“This is in no way meant to embarrass you, Student Boy. However, I’ve noticed the past couple of days that you’ve had an extremely strong, unpleasant body odor noticeable from several feet away. Please make a point of showering each day and wearing fresh clothes.”

Poor sweet student boy was mortified, but he never stank again.

Grossbottom, have you considered sending a delegation? Three people should do it. Enough that he can’t dismiss it, but not so many that he feels brutally ganged up on.

26

[QUOTE=Grossbottom]
you are married. You go home to your wife, and she doesn’t say anything?
[/QUOTE]

About ten years ago, while serving aboard an aircraft carrier, I had the misfortune to be the Zone Guide for a Zone Inspection one Thursday at sea. Usually, ZG is a welcome relief from the day-to-day routine and, again usually, my department got top scores on the ZI. I also planned the inspection route so I could finish the report in my division’s berthing compartment and then run it up two decks to the Quality Assurance Dept.

One day, the Inspector was a Department Head (a LCDR) from one of the squadrons on board at the time. My department was receiving all top marks until we got to the berthing. The LCDR said, “I really want to give you a good score, but I can’t identify that horrible smell. Where is it coming from?”

I had no idea and neither did he, so he said, “Turn on all the white lights and get the night crew out of their racks. We need to find out what it is.” I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, “Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H’s rack FUNKY!” When I wrote, “Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition,” the LCDR took the report from me and said, “FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don’t worry, I’m not upset with you but y’all need to fix this Sailor ASAP.”

Odd thing is the sheets on that rack were clean the day before. It only took one night for H’s body odor to funkify the entire 120-man berthing compartment. Our department head ordered that for the rest of the cruise, the man be observed showering by someone who outranked him. Yep, H was married, too. To a really good-looking woman who had no problems with BO of her own. Maybe she didn’t have a sense of smell?

27

I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don’t know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.

However, they do stink worse than anything I could have imagined. It’s unbelievable. I once found an empty seat on a train (depending on the line and time of day, there’s less probability of that than winning the lottery). Happily, I sat down only to have a wave of the most foul smell hit and almost caused me to gag. There was a homeless sitting upwind next to this spot. I had to leave, my stomach couldn’t take it. Just walking away wouldn’t do it, the whole car stank. You could still smell him two cars away. Unbelievable.

If you have to work with that, I pity you.

28

[QUOTE=Monty]
I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, “Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H’s rack FUNKY!” When I wrote, “Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition,” the LCDR took the report from me and said, “FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don’t worry, I’m not upset with you but y’all need to fix this Sailor ASAP.”
[/QUOTE]
Did you order a code red? :stuck_out_tongue:

29

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don’t know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.

However, they do stink worse than anything I could have imagined. It’s unbelievable. I once found an empty seat on a train (depending on the line and time of day, there’s less probability of that than winning the lottery). Happily, I sat down only to have a wave of the most foul smell hit and almost caused me to gag. There was a homeless sitting upwind next to this spot. I had to leave, my stomach couldn’t take it. Just walking away wouldn’t do it, the whole car stank. You could still smell him two cars away. Unbelievable.

If you have to work with that, I pity you.
[/QUOTE]

Tell me about it. There are some people who come in the library who would gag a maggot, I swear. I’m sure some of them can’t help it - one in particular has some sort of issue that makes one of his arms useless, which I’m sure is a contributing factor. But there are a ton of places you can go to take a shower in this town, I know. There are one or two people who remind me of Foul Ole Ron - their smell has a personality, and it lingers on far after their person has departed.

30

[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
[qoute=Monty]I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, “Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H’s rack FUNKY!” When I wrote, “Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition,” the LCDR took the report from me and said, “FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don’t worry, I’m not upset with you but y’all need to fix this Sailor ASAP.”

[/quote]
Did you order a code red? :stuck_out_tongue:
[/QUOTE]

I served on a Destroyer in the late 70’s. Whenever the ship was at sea fresh water for showers was always in short supply. A “Navy shower” consisted of exactly 30 seconds of water use. 10 seconds to get wet, turn it off and soap up, 10 seconds to rinse, and 10 seconds to just let yourself go and luxuriate in the moment. A full shower was called a “Hollywood”, BTW.
During a WestPac tour, one of the Boiler Techs took it upon himself to conserve water by simply not showering or changing clothes. Along about day 6 of this self-imposed hygiene moratorium his fellow BT’s obtained permission fom the Chief Engineer to forcibly give him a Hollywood shower. They didn’t feel that mere soap had quite enough oomph for the situation, so they substituted scouring powder and steel wool. He positively glowed with cleanliness after that. Or skin abrasions, whatever.

31

That was a pretty amusing anecdote up until the steel wool thing. I’ve never showered with it so I don’t know how bad it is, but that sounds kinda mean. Bad-frat-house-hazing mean.
I’ve never been in the military and probably lack the proper perspective, but that seems, for lack of a better word, harsh.

32

While I doubt that the OP’s coworker has the particular condition (since I think it’s really rare) there is some awful condition that makes people smell of rotting fish.

33

[QUOTE=TokyoPlayer]
I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don’t know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.
[/QUOTE]

A local centre a large portion of whose clientele is homeless has a sign on its door (along with “no smoking/no drugs/no being an asshole to staff, etc.”) that says “Be aware of your body odour. We have showers and clean clothes available. Staff may require you to shower before using our services.”

Of course, they’re serving people who have an excuse.

34

[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
A local centre a large portion of whose clientele is homeless has a sign on its door (along with “no smoking/no drugs/no being an asshole to staff, etc.”) that says “Be aware of your body odour. We have showers and clean clothes available. Staff may require you to shower before using our services.”

Of course, they’re serving people who have an excuse.
[/QUOTE]

Excuse my ass. We live between three rivers. If I were so desperate as to spend my days in the public library rather than, I don’t know, looking for work? My ass would not reek. Just my personal opinion.

35

It’s very likely he has no idea. Probably he eats a lot of pungent food. If you don’t have the ability (read: the courage), for whatever reason, to tell him, the least you could do is give him an anonymous note. Naturally I don’t suggest being the one to tell him if he’s your supervisor (or in a position to get you fired) but seriously, be proactive here.

36

Between the OP and “Sex Panther,” this thread had me laughing like nobody’s business.

We had a guy who ran afoul (pun intended) of the university’s policies. He had to serve a sentence of stuffing envelopes for x hours. First day the guy was in the corner, virtually unnoticed. Second day - whoa! It was like he bathed in Ass Aftershave pour Hommes. Absolutely breathtaking - you would gag walking near this dude. One of the supervisors in my office was a man - everyone else was female - and he was assigned the responsibility of talking to the guy. He was totally embarrassed and disclosed that he was sleeping at his girlfriend’s house, and the cat pissed on his clothes - which were next to the radiator. The guy was dismissed from his envelope stuffing duty. They basically signed off on his punishment if he just left.

I talked to a student in my fourth grade class with serious BO. He had been retained a grade or two and was 12 or so. He would wear a huge bomber jacket - in the spring in Houston - and he smelled like ass and honeybuns. I just told him that he was musty and brought him soap, deodorant, and marched him to the gym and had him shower at lunch. He actually smelled good afterwards, and became the cleanest smelling kid in the grade after that.

I would think there is probably something the guy can do to smell… less bad. Though I knew a guy who smelled like manure. No idea why. He was a nice kid, and he was made fun of a lot because of it. I also had a teacher who smelled the same way, just not as strong. Anyone know what causes that smell?

37

A very, very foul-smelling woman on the bus one time told me that she had a skin condition. I’ve asked one dermatologist I work for what the condition would be, and he didn’t know, and I’ve never encountered it in my office. But that smell, like rotting flesh, was horrifying.

38

[QUOTE=Zsofia]
Tell me about it. There are some people who come in the library who would gag a maggot, I swear. I’m sure some of them can’t help it - one in particular has some sort of issue that makes one of his arms useless, which I’m sure is a contributing factor. But there are a ton of places you can go to take a shower in this town, I know. There are one or two people who remind me of Foul Ole Ron - their smell has a personality, and it lingers on far after their person has departed.
[/QUOTE]
There isn’t a lot of help for homeless people in Japan and some of the people have not changed clothes or showered foroever. I did not realize how much someone could reek.

39

[QUOTE=Monty]
About ten years ago, while serving aboard an aircraft carrier, I had the misfortune to be the Zone Guide for a Zone Inspection one Thursday at sea. Usually, ZG is a welcome relief from the day-to-day routine and, again usually, my department got top scores on the ZI. I also planned the inspection route so I could finish the report in my division’s berthing compartment and then run it up two decks to the Quality Assurance Dept.

One day, the Inspector was a Department Head (a LCDR) from one of the squadrons on board at the time. My department was receiving all top marks until we got to the berthing. The LCDR said, “I really want to give you a good score, but I can’t identify that horrible smell. Where is it coming from?”

I had no idea and neither did he, so he said, “Turn on all the white lights and get the night crew out of their racks. We need to find out what it is.” I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, “Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H’s rack FUNKY!” When I wrote, “Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition,” the LCDR took the report from me and said, “FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don’t worry, I’m not upset with you but y’all need to fix this Sailor ASAP.”

Odd thing is the sheets on that rack were clean the day before. It only took one night for H’s body odor to funkify the entire 120-man berthing compartment. Our department head ordered that for the rest of the cruise, the man be observed showering by someone who outranked him. Yep, H was married, too. To a really good-looking woman who had no problems with BO of her own. Maybe she didn’t have a sense of smell?
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I knew a guy that smelled like the shitstains from Satan’s boxers at Fort Campbell. His roommate was always looking for another place to sleep because as he put it, every day this guy emits a different odor and its never a good odor. For some reason this guy hated bathing. Gawd, he smelled awful. Our platoon sergeant kicked him out of the office once telling him to go home and shower he smelled so bad. The squad leader told him to his face he smelled like a turd. Nothing fazed him. He was buttnugget stupid too, so I guess he thought we were all just kidding. The worst part is he was such a stereotypical Mississipi hillbilly type of guy he was almost a caricature. I’m surprised the people from MS didn’t pay to have him claim residence from another state. The BO alone would warrant it.

But as bad as he was, nothing can beat the Cosmic-Level Dead Ass Stench of “Mr. Evil”. (Not his real name, but it sounded like “evil” so I used to call him that). I know its kind of a european thing not to bathe as much as Americans do, but this guy took the funk prize and ran with it. He worked in a small little building that magnified his hideous soul crushing odor. The first time I met him, the person I was with told me to prepare myself. There was no way you could prepare yourself for that smell. It was worse than being trapped in a sack with 10 skunks while John Goodman sits on your head and farts after a meal of cabbage. I think the stitching in my uniform came loose it was so bad. Children probably cry when this guy is within 10 feet. Seriously, I can’t imagine that he didn’t know he smelled like the carcass of a rotting buffalo. Is water that expensive in Europe? Christ on a stick, he had a job.

40

[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Did you order a code red? :stuck_out_tongue:
[/QUOTE]

Hahaha! I just got that reference! good one!