Good idea. Get all the groundhogs out for a peace conference, set them at a little groundhog round table - and then mow the fuckers down.
<Joke was already done, and better>
Gasoline. Its the only way. Read Once An Eagle, pages 902-910 in my copy. Those groundhogs will never surrender and they will not meet you in open combat. Remember, the end justifies the means.
Any chance that these are Neoconservative groundhogs angry about your waterboarding exposé? Because if that’s the case then you should give Chris Hitchens fair warning – if you don’t manage to close the deal, he’s probably their next target.
<<cue “Godfather” music>>
Just as you thought you’d gotten out, they drag you back in again…
And where are the INhumane traps?!?!
I mean, drowning is too good for Evil Nazi Groundhogs. They fucking chewed through your brake lines, man. How much more do they have to do in order to show you that it’s on? Clearly they’ve demonstrated they’re willing to travel distances in order to fuck you up and make it look like an accident. You need further prodding to go all 'Nam on their furry asses? Pussy.
I’ll accept nothing short of Carl Spackler-style Total War. Sniper rifles. Fire hoses. Plastic explosives.
I also expect full accounts posted to this thread no later than 0900 EDT Monday morning for entertainment purposes.
Good luck, soldier.
Which immediately brought this to mind.
Of course, Scylla’s terrifying experience is our gain. I can’t wait for an update.
Michael Pollan described a “final solution” like this in one of his books. He poured gasoline down the groundhog’s burrow and lit a match. The resulting flames came roaring out at him (he hadn’t counted on fire seeking the most available oxygen, which was at the mouth of the burrow, not deep in the ground). I think something got singed.
I can loan Scylla our trusty groundhog huntress, Bessie the Labrador. She had a memorable encounter with one of the whistle pigs awhile back, recounted to me by Mrs. J. After a tense standoff marked by groundhog chittering and raised fur on the Labrador’s back, the groundhog’s nerve broke and it ran for cover, pursued by Bessie who administered a stern chomp on its butt. It got away, but for months afterward Bessie went back to the spot of the battle to reminisce, sort of like former Union soldiers returning to Gettysburg.
Be careful in open combat. They’ve been known to hurl wooden projectiles.
Supposedly they can chuck so much wood that nobody knows how many chucks they can chuck.
Taking the lead groundhog into the basement and bricking him up behind a false wall might scare any survivors into backing off. Remember that, Scylla - you’ve got to leave one alive so it can tell the others about you.
They’re coming to get you, Barb’ra…
For Og’s sake, make sure PETA isn’t around while you do this.
I propose a variety of methods. You don’t want those things learning to adapt.
BTW, does your car insurance cover damage by wildlife?
I live on a farm, we have gophers, my farmer neighbours too. This year they seem to be overabundant. Last month I had a BBQ and had family and neighbours over and the discussion turned to the problem we are all having with the damn gophers. My 75 yr old mother piped up and stated when she was younger they used to take a hose and chase them out of their holes and then kill them as they popped up. Well, the kids and the younger men thought that was a fine idea to try, so they went in the side yard (it’s about 4-5 acres, tons of gophers) armed with baseball bats and golf clubs. Once everyone had positioned themselves by a hole, the hose was inserted in a gopher hole and turned on.
Within 30 seconds gophers were popping up and bats and clubs were swinging! 3 minutes later, there were 5 or 6 dead gophers. The farmers were cheering, the town folks were horrified!
Moral is, use a hose and farm kids, you will kill a ton. Keep the city folks away, they tend to be squeamish. 
A great way to solve this problem is to barrow a welder’s equipment and pump acetylene and oxygen down the burrows wait a couple of min and then light with a striker. The explosion should at least partially collapse the burrow then you can move to the end of the destruction and pump in more I’ve never seen it take more then a couple of attempts.
[Bill Murry] Don’t drive angry. Don’t drive angry. [/Bill Murry]
George Patton knew about groundhogs.
You’re new here, aren’tcha?
Just foster a rescued greyhound and let him out regularly. You’ll see them disappear pretty quickly.
[Carl Spackler] To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They’re like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote. [/CS]
Go to it, Soldier!
Why not use a weapon designed for the purpose?
I give you…The Rodenator.
They don’t specifically mention groundhogs, but maybe they’ll sell you an upgrade that works all the way up through deer and noisy neighbors.