I ruined my dog and now she's broken! Please help me fix her!

In My Humble Opinion
1

Yes, it’s long.

First, I’m not a newbie. I have not spent a single hour of my adult life without a dog.

My first two dogs, cocker spaniels, I had for 17 years, and they were terrible, a total mess, both of them. This was entirely because I was terrible, a total mess, and while I loved them madly I was a suckass dog mom.

That’s why I committed to learning and being better after they died. No more of that bullshit, and no more feeling guilty. I signed up with a terrific trainer, everybody has had tons of classes and private sessions and I’ve learned a boatload.

As a result, I had three dogs in a row that were, or are, in the case of Preston, fantastic. (Purebred Golden, Golden mix, and Preston, a Rottweiler/Border Collie/?) Preston is consistently praised as being nothing less than perfect, and no, not my words and I don’t ask, people volunteer. (I’m actually kind of amazed at how rapidly people pick up on what an excellent, smart, amazingly well-behaved dog he is. Proud and happy, though, and it’s not entirely me, of course: he came into the world with lots of good stuff.) I get lots of praise and strokes for being extremely good with dogs at this point in my life. Yay.

Yeah, well, hubris and all that… cuz now I also have Zusje (Dutch for “baby sister”). Zusje is a nearly (possibly fully) purebred American Staffordshire Terrier (aka pitbull). She’s a little over 2 years old. She is, without question, the most deeply sweet dog I have ever personally known. In her entire life I have never seen a split second of anger, irritation, aggression, annoyance, or fear, in any circumstance. She’s just sweet sweet sweet. Loves Preston, loves people, dogs, everybody.

She’s also got epilepsy, which first showed up in May. (My Golden mix was epileptic, been there) And even in the wake of seizures she’s sweet. Blind, deaf, in constant motion and impervious to pain, but always sweet.

Okay, so here’s the broken part: somewhere in her first 6-9 months, I just stopped making any attempt to make her stay in her crate, even though for awhile she was handling it pretty decently. I just loved sleeping with her too much, she was too cuddly.

Secondly, I completely screwed the pooch on teaching her to be separate from me, and particularly separate from Preston and me. In the course of my daily life, I very rarely leave the house, and I just utterly failed to make it a point to do so to get her acclimated to it.

So she was already pretty sucktastic in these areas as of a few months ago. And she’s also kind of a princess bitch in other areas, such as barking at Preston until he gives up his bone or his bed. (She’s totally submissive to him when it counts, never a flicker of challenge on that score, this is just her being a whiny, demanding princess. And he lets her.)

And then the epilepsy came along. She had a particularly severe bout of cluster seizures, 8 in just under an hour. (Went to the emergency vet, got some rectal valium for the next time…) She was pretty trashed, as you might expect, but she slept it off and bounced back to her usual sunny self the next day. This was about… 3 weeks ago?

Well, ever since then her separation anxiety is completely off the charts. I now cannot close the bathroom door without her whining!:(:eek::mad::o I asked her vet if the epilepsy could have caused some personality change, and she said absolutely. :frowning:

So this week, Preston had and has a health issue, his first ever: a compressed disk, it turns out. The result is that he’s mostly refusing to use his back legs, even though he technically can, he’s not paralyzed, it’s just too painful. This sucks, we’re dealing, but it involved taking him to the vet. I thought about bringing her, and decided she’d survive. And she did. But she also tore one dinner plate sized and one serving platter sized holes in the wall above the doggie door, which I had closed off for her safety. (If she has a seizure when no one is around, or worse, a cluster, she could actually end up dead from a hundred things. I’d prefer to crate her, but that drives her batshit presently so I thought I’d be nice. Sigh…)

So now I have the second most nightmarish kind of dog I never wanted to have. (Separation anxiety is second only to aggressive). In my recent attempts to get her okay with the crate, by feeding her in it and sitting next to her while she eats…not much progress, because she won’t eat until I open the door. So I backed up to just putting her food in it, no door closing, and she’s been there for quite a while, because I haven’t been working on it much since the seizures started. I need to get back to it, though.

So that’s the crate. And I mentioned her princess-yness because it’s part of the whole picture: she’s spoiled. She wants what she wants when she wants it, she demands it, she usually gets it, and her life has been very cushy. And she stamps her feet and threatens to kill herself when I try to make her deal with the harsh realities of doggy life. I’m feeling a little concerned that she may defeat me…except she can’t! I cannot live with a dog that cannot be left alone without having a total meltdown!

So…give me whatever you got!

2

So who is walking these dogs?

3

No walks. Biking sometimes (special bike leash). They have a dog door and a yard.

4

I feel your pain. I have a princess, too, but despair not, there is hope.

Check out “crate games”. There’s lots of links if you google, but this is a good place to start

Basically, you start very slowly and gradually with treats just for going in. And build just a few seconds at a time with a closed door. Be fun and upbeat. I think a lot of people seem to think training has to be stern and serious, but it really does work just as well if you can be silly and happy.

5

To clarify… before I got Zusje, Preston and I were the biking champs. I don’t own a car, I did my local errands by bike and I almost always took him with me. It was wonderful and greatly enhanced our relationship.

My dream was to take both of them with me when she was old enough. First I wanted to have one on either side, but that was too impractical and space-hoggy, plus no second bike leash. Then I wanted to put them side by side on my left, but the leashes I have for both together left them too much room and defeated the design of my bike leash, which is super-safe. So I have thus far fallen back to “one-at-a-time” - something I very rarely do because*** it involves leaving her completely alone***. So that’s been a bummer, actually.

Now that Preston is going to be out of commission for at least a couple of months while he heals, I need to set things up so he can’t see us leave and start biking with her seriously. He doesn’t get hysterical, just sad…and the first time I did it he shocked the shit out of me by clearing the fence to follow us, something I did not know until we came back and he was gone… I had a heart attack but he showed up not long after. I know he took awhile to get over the fence, then just followed our scent. Then a few days later I ran an errand left BOTh of them behind, and somehow, I have no earthly idea how, he showed her his trick and I came back to both of them exploring the neighbors yards looking for me! Another heart attack. Now everybody gets locked up when I leave via bike. (If I leave out the front door, no problem. It’s just they both want and expect to come with me when I bike.)

With him out of commission she is in desperate need of a way to get those ya-yas out. And she’s got plenty of ya-yas. She’s also barks at him to demand that he play with her, and its not working right now. She’s very confused about that.

Here she is whining her way into HIS crate, which she only does if my bed is inaccessible for one reason or another. :dubious: I never thought about trying stop her from doing it, because I figure its between them, and if he wants to give in, that’s his business. But Shayna made me think I might want to reconsider that position, maybe it isn’t fair to him…

6

You were a terrible dog mom but are a good one now? Um …

7

I have no idea what part of this is the reason that you can’t walk your dogs.

8

I had a broken dog like that. He was a rescued Boston terrier who had been a stud dog in a puppy mill, poor fella. Terrible separation anxiety when I first got him and he couldn’t be crated. He had a total meltdown if I tried to crate him. (I never did manage to get him crate-trained.)

My suggestions:

  • First, talk to your vet. There’s a drug called Clomi-calm (clomipromine) that is like doggy Valium. Chills 'em right out. My vet insisted on having the dog evaluated by a behaviorist to clearly diagnose separation anxiety. The drug was expensive, but it worked well. It didn’t make him sluggish or sleepy or anything; it just chilled him out enough so that I could work on behavioral modification with him.

  • And that’s part two. There was a whole set of things we worked on – pages and pages of things for him to do. Basically, it’s all a variation on sit-stay that teaches him to do something instead of just freaking out. So call your trainer back in and tell 'em you need behavioral mod for sep anxiety.

  • And also, just keeping a stable routine and keeping the house sort of calm and chill also go a long way toward building the dog’s confidence.

9

If you can’t walk or bike them (but you really really should) can you tire them out playing fetch etc? It’s gonna be a lot easier to get her used to the crate if you can get her used to sleeping in it (even with door open to start) and that’s a lot easier if she’s tired and doesn’t have a lot of pent up energy she needs to get out.

10

One thing you may want to consider with your vet is lightly sedating her when you have to leave her. I know this is not a desirable long term solution, but it could break the cycle of her feeling anxiety the moment you leave and traumatizing herself further by working herself into a panic while you are away from her.

Meanwhile, start coming and going more. Don’t even really go anywhere at first–just go out the door and come right back in. Repeat until she is bored with this. Then go out the front and come in the back, reverse, walk around the house, go to the end of the driveway, etc. Eventually, she should lose some interest in the doors opening and shutting. Go out the door without her multiple times a day, returning quickly. Gradually increase the time you are gone until she thinks nothing of you leaving her for five minutes, etc.

Keep her water in her crate and the door open. Feed her only in the crate, door open. You may want to replace the crate with a different style and put it in a different place, since she already has bad feelings about this one–or maybe you can swap the crates. She enters the other dog’s crate voluntarily, so maybe she will adjust to that one better. Some dogs like to be able to see out more, like with a wire crate, while others prefer a more closed-in den.

How is she with other people? Can she be left with a sitter, or does it have to be a family member at home with her?

11

Yes, and I always have. We play “WeaseL”, which is ten times better than fetch, and way more intense: it’s a fur tail at the end of a bullwhip, and I whip it all over the yard while they leap into the air and chase it like 65 pound cats. Especially Zusje, she’s crazy athletic.

I rearranged things this morning in such a way that I think we will see a great deal of improvement generally. Primarily for Preston, but it’s going to work out well for all of us… I hopihopeihope. And as I said earlier, Preston’s recuperation will allow Zusje and I to get in some serious bike time. And like all pitbulls, she’s ridiculously powerful with great stamina, and she makes the most of bike time.

12

Here’s some links to some behavioral mod ideas & techniques that might help you. Tiring the dog out isn’t the issue. (That’s what you do with a destructive dog.) The issue is building up the dog’s confidence so it doesn’t freak whenever you have to leave it alone.

I thought this article was the best. It’s from the ASPCA and gives very detailed steps you can take toward modifying the behavior. If you don’t click on any of the other links, try this one.

Here is a nice study about canine behavioral mod to treat sep anxiety.

Here is another good article by Victoria Stillwell.

Some suggestions that might could use a bit more detail on how to carry them out.

Some veterinarian’s ideas that seem pretty well thought out.

13

Absolutely. The evidence is my dogs: extremely responsive to me and very well-behaved generally (including a near perfect recall, which is absolutely essential for their safety), all extremely fit (even though I’m certainly not; but I won’t inflict that on my dogs) and very happy.

In addition to training (which is the best possible way to enrich your relationship with your dog), playing weasel, biking and generally getting to be with me pretty much 24/7, I also spend hours every week making their food from things like fresh vegetables, fresh chicken & beef liver, grinding it up to stuff bones and freeze them so that every meal (and because i feed them this way they get to eat many times a day) is a time-consuming job, with the bonus side effect of keeping their teeth healthy and avoiding bloat. They also regularly get whole, raw beef feet, chicken legs & pork shoulder bones. Again, frozen to slow them down. As well as bacon fat flavored kibble bits stuffed into balls and other toys that they then have to roll around and work at to empty.

And Zusje made me break my no sleeping in the bed rule, so that now they even get to sleep with me!

So yeah, I’m a fucking awesome dog mom.

14

Thank you so much!

15

For Preston’s benefit I rearranged everything this morning so that now his crate is facing my bed for HER to use, while he’s in a fluffy pile of soft things on the floor of the closet, where his crate used to be. I did this because he hasn’t used his crate, but I know he likes that space, and it keeps him out of our way so he he can just chill and not worry about having to adjust himself while he heals. (And I need to learn how to help him pee and poo, he’s not handling that well and I think he’s stressed about it…)

So I’m going to keep the bed overloaded and see if she elects to use the crate to sleep in without too much fuss. It’s a start if she does.

She loves everybody, but I’ve never had occasion to leave her with anyone else, so I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter, because there’s no one to leave her with.

16

I didn’t say I couldn’t. I said I don’t. But as it happens, the fact is I can’t. Because of my own physical issues, walking more than a block or two is very painful for me. Biking, however, is pretty easy.

17

I need to dig in, but this sounds great!

18

Stoid, I also wanted to add about the meds: I only kept my dog on them for about six months. It was worth every penny because it enabled my dog to focus on whatever I was trying to teach him (we worked up from a basic sit-stay to sit-stay while I walked out of sight, sit-stay while I left the house for a second, then a minute, etc.) You don’t have to put the dog on drugs forever. But I highly recommend the Clomipromine for a short while while you do the training. Calling in your trainer for guidance will also help.

19

I recommend a Dog trainer. If you had one you liked before, call him or her. It sounds like you are doing parts of what I would recommend, but then backing down. You need to follow through.

Also, yes, exercise will help. Bull terriers need lots and lots of exercise. Your other dog may be sad when you leave him, but shut him safely in the house and go. You need to be fair to both of them, and right now you are not.

Crate training may not help. My dog with separation anxiety (100 lb Swiss Mountain dog cross) just destroyed his metal crate. We concentrated then on exercise. When he was tired, he had less energy to spend on destruction. My impression anyway.

We worked on always denning him (sleeping) in the same area, and then leaving him in that area. Music or TV. Rotate toys that you leave with him. Toys that are stuffed with frozen soft food that he has to work on and chew hard at. Then leaving him alone isn’t always bad and he can keep busy.

Work on gradually extending separation periods. At first you leave the house and drive around the block. You are gone, you are back. You do not EVER make a fuss on return. No “what a cute puppy, wuppy. I missed you so much!” It is not a party, it is completely normal. You are not returning from an overseas deployment. Barely acknowledge his existence.

Do not acknowledge him if he is fussing while you are separated. You have just rewarded him. Unless he does something bad (breaks something, is in danger) and then he doesn’t get what he wants, right? He gets mad puppy parent and a down stay.

Anyway, I’m just sharing what we did. It took a long time. Our dog is much better now, with some recidivsm after a family vacation or something, which usually passes after a day or so.

Be strong. Hope your other dog feels better soon.

20

meh Crate training is over rated. Mine are all fine and have never been in one.