I shall be healed. Hey!

I have always been worried that my Lower Personality Energy was impure and not in Alignment with my Soul.

My Holy Spirit and Higher Mind of Reverance has been asleep at the wheel.

The Divine Pattern of my Etheric Field is all whacko.

My Natural Electro-magnetic Rhythm is weak, also my Psionic Energy is all ferschnoked.

What can I do? Through the magic of the Internet, I have found a solution to all these problems. I plan to buy one of each of these devices at Electronic Healing: [ul][li]An Etheric Weaver Pendant[]A Vajras[]A Deva Builder[]A Shambhala Solar Cross Pendant[]A Solar Ascension Head Pyramid[/ul]Almost forgot, I can get a “Soul Therapy Music” CD to listen to while I wear the Pendants, spin the Vajras, sit under my Pyramid and build my Deva. [/li]
Wonder if James Brown is on it. Hey! I feel good!

I’ll get back to you in a few weeks with the results, but I’m sure it works. (James Brown, I mean.)

Oh yeah. That’s stylin’. Gotta get me one of those! Is it lined with tinfoil?

I think perhaps your true diagnosis is too much time on your hands, an internet connection put to ill use and a too-heavy wallet. :wink:

No, but “All of the Tools are hand made by western Buddhist monks and nuns.” That’s good enough for me. No Buddhist nun has ever steered me wrong.

I’m sure it will be much lighter soon. :wink: You’d rather me spend my time downloading porn?

Wonder if they offer refunds if it doesn’t work? Now I’m starting to feel negative energy. Maybe I need a radionic balancer. This one has an integrated potentiser and costs only $1195 (without timer). Just the ticket.


Oh my. Oh my. Oh my.

Don’t be silly. You’re merely suffering from an imbalance of bodily humors. I recommend bloodletting.

One word, Eve: Ick. Leeches, no thanks.

I much prefer the modern, scientific approach. The one that has hundreds of testimonials from satisfied customers. Purify your blood the electronic way – a combination super zapper and colloidal silver generator in one compact portable unit, the SuperZapper/Blood Electrifier and Plant Growth Stimulator:

It’s only NZ$200.01 and runs on one 9volt battery. However, the disclaimer on that site is puzzling:

I guess “clearing the blood stream of parasites, fungi and bacteria” isn’t a medical statement.

I guess this means that the “Fighting Ignorance” thingie is, uh, out the window, huh?

Eve Don’t be ridiculous! What will you recommend next? A balsam specific? What this woman needs is a good hysterical paroxysm induced by a licensed handenbunger.

And is that a degree from the Institute of North Vibratron I see on your wall, doctor?

Ja, I studied under Herr Doktor Pervectolove und Herr Doktor Frankenstein.

Would that be Dr. FRAHNKensteen or Dr. FrankenSTINE?

Mmmm…licensed handenbunger…mmm…

"You know the ones I mean… 'it’s my crystal, it’s my power, it’s my crystal… it’s my crystal, it’s my power, it’s my power… it keeps me in tune with the universe… it’s my crystal, it’s my power – ’ IT’S A ROCK.

" 'Nonononono! It’s my crystal, it’s my power! Don’t touch it! Don’t touch it! You’ll cloud my power! It keeps me in tune with the universe – ’ YOU LIVE IN A VAN! I DON’T THINK IT’S WORKING!"

  • Lea DeLaria

[Faye Dunaway] “It’s my crystal AND my power!!!” [/Faye Dunaway]