In the 10th grade science class, the teacher was giving us a lecture on sensitivity. As an example, he told us about his wife who had been, well, fat as a child. Her name was Mary Isabell so her classmates called her “Mary Is-A-Whale.”
My friend and I (and ONLY my friend and I) bust out laughing really loudly. Almost rolling on the floor laughter. But that ended really quickly when we saw the looks from the other kids.
The worst part? I’m laughing at it right now.
Not so much a sick story …
My first “real” date, we had to take the girl’s little brother and cousin along, too. Bleah! The cousin was a nice little girl, but the boy was a massive pain in the ass. So we went to the movies to go see Ghostbusters. Anyway, the little creep demanded that he hold the Gigo-Mega-Large bucket o’ popcorn, and ran down the aisle to pick out the seats.
He must have hit a greasy spot, 'coz his legs went out from underneath him like Charlie Brown when Lucy yanks the ball. He lost his grip on the bucket, and it went flying up in the air …
… and fell down* perfectly*, fitting right over his head. I almost wet my pants laughing, as did his sister and cousin. And because we were laughing so loud, and because it was so unbelievably funny, everyone sitting around us started laughing, too. In the end, there must have been around 50 people laughing at the little boy sitting in the aisle, with warm butter running down his cheeks.
Little creep. He deserved it!
You WERE supposed to laugh at that one! What other response is there?
WhyNot, you are truly awesome! Just for that one line at that one time, you could go beat baby seals with a horned spotted owl and still be awesome!
I had an unfortunate encounter once with a back-stabber.
He stabbed me in the back.
Yes, literally.
It was near the top of my left shoulder blade, (hehe, blade) and for some reason I didn’t feel it. Didn’t know I was hurt there ‘till I saw blood running down my arm. Which means that he was trying to scare the shit out of me, and stabbed me and I did… nothing. Didn’t acknowledge it at all. Frankly, it cracks me up. That should’ve been his first clue that I was fuckin’ tough and not to be messed with. (I fought him off a minute later.)
One more.
In high school, my mom and dad lived in nieghboring suburbs, and my brother and I would switch houses periodically. The summer after my freshman year of college, I had just gotten home for the summer. My brother was finishing his junior year of high school, and it was prom night. I’d been up at Dad’s house, and now he and I were driving to Mom’s house to pick up my brother and take him to the rendevous where he and his friends and their dates would meet up before going to the prom. Dad and I were just sitting there, each lost in thought.
Dad: “I don’t know when, but some time soon, I’m going to be arrested for growing marijuana.”
Me: stunned silence
Dad has a sort of abrupt way of breaking news. And yes, on his prom night, my brother found out that Dad was going to be arrested. (Happy ending: he got out in 18 months, and while he was in jail, he and his girlfriend got back together. They got married last year.)
Just a couple of months ago, after Katrina hit…
ElzaHub and I thought it would be the perfect time to start casting for Survivor: New Orleans.
We’re definitely going to hell for that one.
(But hey, my NO-evacuee cousin found it funny!)
Do sexually explicit poseys come with testicle-shaped pears in them?
Okay, I’ve been lurking around the message boards for about a year now, but this thread finally flushed me out of hiding. This happens to me a lot.
Last year my daughter’s horse died trying to deliver a foal. By the time I got home from work that day the spouse and kiddie’s were gathered around a huge hole in the ground, the horse’s “final resting place”, giving their last respects. A very solemn occasion
When I joined them at graveside, the horse’s body was wrapped in a tarp, with the exception of her legs. All four legs were sticking straight up in the air, about a foot above ground level. She looked like giant road-kill. I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me the the big BWA-HA-HA I let out.
Don’t say Animal House!. :eek:
That’s why they have chainsaws!
They come with orchids of course.
Once I gave a co-worker a black eye with the telephone receiver. I didn’t know she was standing behind me and I whirled around to tell her the phone was for her and clunk big shiner! This was in the day when receivers had some real heft to them.
She started to laugh-cry and I laughed so hard that I peed my pants.
At same workplace we had to clean up at night after herds of elementary school teachers who used our lab to create wonderful classroom aids (aka “crap.”) My co-worker was fastidious about vacuuming and tidying up, whereas I just wanted to get the Hell outta there. One of the teachers had apparently had a massive multi-colored glitter accident on the floor and my cw was in the process of vacuuming it up when the vacuum bag burst and great spumes of glitter were lofted about ten feet in the air behind her. She was unaware of the glitter disaster she was distributing over every square inch of the lab and I was laughing too hard to talk and get her to stop. She was really pissed off when she discovered the problem, which only increased my laughter (and her pissed-offedness.) I swear we were covered with glitter for two years after that – we’d look at each other and have that crap on our noses, eyelashes and foreheads 
.
Lewis Black: Phones used to be so big, and so heavy, that if a puma cam eat me, I could kill it!
Once, at mass, the priest tripped over his robe a bit when he was trying to return to his seat, and it wasn’t so much sitting that he did, but landing in the seat, and I had trouble stifling the giggles for the rest of the mass.
Oh yeah, it was a funeral.
And oh yeah, I knew the widow.
And did I mention that I was the altar boy?
Here’s one I came across on another chat group. It’s in Dutch, but all you need to know is that the interviewee was castrated by mistake in surgery. Don’t forget to enable sound.
I love that clip. I lost my bookmark to it, otherwise I would have posted that earlier.
A textbook case.
I was at work when I first heard about JFK Jr’s plane going missing. I was waiting to start my shift, sitting in the breakroom with a bunch of my co-workers and we had the news on. They were talking about Gay Head Beach, and we started making cracks about the Kennedy assassination. Things eventually lead to making cracks that it was the work of the Gay Alien Mafia. It was tasteless and crass, but we were practically rolling around on the floor.
Anyone see ‘The Giggle Loop’ on Coupling?
I was speaking on the phone to a new sales rep who was taking over our account. She was replacing someone who had replaced someone who passed away.
She was giggling throughout the whole conversation, trying to be a fun sales rep, I suppose. I forget the exact quote, but I said something like, “So you’re replacing Rich because he is moving onto another position,” and she giggled in the affirmative.
“And of course, Rich came in because our old rep died.”
She giggled again, possibly reflexively.
Then after a pause, she said, “I guess I shouldn’t have laughed at that, huh…”
Not so horrible, but recently i got thinking about how you can find yourself laughing at something without really knowing why. I was in the supermarket and found myself standing next to a basket full of advent calendars. I looked at them and burst out laughing. When I noticed people looking at me I said, “Bad Santa, remember…the aspirin” and a couple smiled and laughed too.
This story from last month:
Driver misses cat but hits 36 kids
That’s not a typo. He actually managed to hit all 36, plus their teacher. On top of that, the morning news ran a clip of the crash scene, and the car had at least a dozen little rubber boots stuck under the bumper.
Everyone in my group at the office was trying like crazy not to be the first one to crack up. The only thing that any of us could think of was: how the hell do you manage to hit all thirty-six? We couldn’t do that many even if we were trying! Did he get bonus points for the teacher?