Last night, my roommate and I were having a few drinks and watching cartoons.
Coming off an hour of Family Guy and American Dad, with Boondocks on previously, we were in a poor-taste-state-of-mind.
Right after the credits, there was a “Fox 10” News Update. It seems a person was killed when their wheelchair was run down in a crosswalk by the driver of a car.
We both began to chuckle quietly, afraid to expose our dark side. Then we realized we were both laughing, and began to hoot and howl at the hilarity of the unfortunate situation.
We then concluded that we must be horrifically flawed people to find something like that funny. Although the writers of Family Guy would have no qualms about mocking whats-his-name in the wheelchair on the show for 30 minutes. They must be worse people than we.
I blame the alcohol, and the warping effect of Adult Swim.
What have you laughed at lately that really, should not have been funny?
When I was in high school the seniors sat at a table right near the exit of the lunch line so that everyone who comes out with their food walks past us. A mentally handicapped girl walks out with a full tray of food and slips. She went ass over tea kettle. The tray flew up and she landed right on her back, food all over the place.
One of my friends noticed that she slipped on a banana peel…of all things a BANANA PEEL!! The whole table erupted into uncontrolable laughter at this poor girl who did nothing wrong except slip on a banana peel. We weren’t so much laughing at her as we were at the fact that someone ACTUALLY SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL?
There was that worker who was trampled in a Disneyland parade… nobody helped him because he was in costume and they all thought it was part of the show. I twittered a little at the sheer irony of the situation even though I’m sure it wasn’t very funny at all.
A couple of years ago an old woman burned to death in a house fire that started in the kitchen fire in Alabama. The newscaster announced “Paramedics say that at the time of the fire, the victim was frying.” I tried not to laugh but succeed I did not.
During a horribly unfunny pedophilia bust in Alabama the newscaster was trying to say “dicovered photographs of minors in sexually explicit poses” and it came out “discovered photographs of minors in sexually explicit posses… I mean poseys… POSES!” The odd and immediate firing of unwanted images of a naked Old-West lynch party orgy followed by sexually explicit poseys was just a bit- unnerving.
Tucker Carlson, whom I generally loathe, actually told a funny story about struggling to keep a straight face when a guest meant to reference a woman’s fatal battle with breast cancer but kept Freudian slipping and saying “breast implants… I mean cancer”. I don’t hold it against him as inappropriate laughter (particularly the horribly dreaded “laughing in church syndrome”) is universal.
A few years ago, after stealing some electronics from the local Walmart, a guy ran across an interstate to escape. He didn’t get very far though, as he was smashed by a ketchup truck.
I shouldn’t have laughed during our wedding. Just before walking me down the aisle, my dad turned to me and asked the question that all southern brides dread. “Do I have to wear my teeth?”
And down the aisle we go. I start to shake, trying to hold in the giggles. There is Dad, all crestfallen because he had to wear his dentures. There is De-soon-to-be-Husband, wondering what the heck was so funny. And there is the preacher, who didn’t have a clue. At first he thought I was crying, so he starts giving the “This is the most joyful day of your life - Cheer up” speech. Then the veil goes back and Preacher finally sees that I’m giggling my ass off. So he segues to what we now refer to the “Dead Puppies” wedding speech. Full of deep meaningful imagery and solemn meaning. It worked. I finally stopped laughing but my family still talks about the mental whiplash.
I went to a funeral a few weeks ago, it took all the self control I had and gritted clenched teeth to not laugh at the priest.
The priest had a high pitched nasal tone that was intelligible at times. I had no idea what he was saying a few times. All I could think of was “maawige” from The Princess Bride.
I performed a wedding once and it was “one of those days”. It was at the bride’s house, small intimate ceremony, but nothing, and I mean nothing, was going right. Her dress ripped, his tux didn’t fit, the flowers were the wrong color, the caterer was nowhere to be found. It was dreadful. She was a wreck, and wanted to call the whole thing off. We convinced her to come out, and she was in tears - and not the good tears.
With about 40 assembled friends and family peering anxiously at the shaking bride and sweating groom, I opened my book o’ blessings and began.
I couldn’t help myself.
"Maawiage, " I heard myself say. “Maawiage is what bwings us togever today.”
It worked. Everyone cracked up, and much tension was diffused. It was a beautiful wedding after that, if I do say so myself.
I was walking with a couple friends, and as we passed an apartment building, I noticed that there was a dead pigeon on the lawn next to it. Presumably, the bird had flown into one of the windows and fallen to the ground. Only, it didn’t just fall any old way. Oh, no. This bird had folded its wings and dived head-first to the ground. Into the ground, in fact. The pigeon’s body stuck perfectly upright like a… well, I don’t think there’s anything quite like passing an upside down pigeon sticking out of the grass. It was so perfect that I couldn’t help laughing. My friends couldn’t figure out why I found it so funny.
This is a horrible story, I am a horrible horrible man…
Years ago I was working as a parking attendant and working on a rather big parking lot. It was an icy day. A woman slid through a red light and was hit. It was a minor accident and they both got out to exchange info. Another car slid through the light and hit her and knocked her down. Parametics were called. Another car slid through the light, jumped the curb and ran over her and killed her. If there is a God, I don’t really believe that he kills people, but at the time I had this mental picture of God saying “Damn, missed again! Oh well, 3 tries for a quarter.”
I can’t document all the times I’ve laughed at something that wasn’t appropriate. In recent news when I heard about the woman who threw her three children off the bridge I giggled to myself and said, “Gotta learn how to swim some time.”
The mother of a friend of mine bought a new puppy to replace the old one that had died. She left it on a leash in the bathroom at night, she was trying to break it in, and the puppy must have gotten excited and it accidentally hanged itself. The first thought that entered my mind was, “Did he leave a note?” I was kind enough to reserve my comment for her husband who also thought it was hilarious but she wouldn’t have taken kindly to the thought.
It’s ok to laugh at the terrible things that life throws at us or at others. We just need to remember that these things aren’t actually funny in and of itself and we should be careful not to hurt anyone elses feelings. Damn, that was kind of preachy. Apologies.
There was a story in my local paper a while ago about a child who fell out of a third-floor window. Luckily his/her fall was broken. By a passing rotweiler.
A few years ago at work, on a busy day, there were one of those “Public service messages” on the radio for some kind of charity for abused children. The commercial was just the voice of a boy, saying:
“My name is Tommy. I am 10 years old. I like to ride my bike and play baseball. Those things are fun. But some things aren’t fun…like when my dad touches me…”
I just could not help but laugh. It totally came out of nowhere and the voice actor said it so matter-of-factly. I was trying vainly not to laugh loudly while customers stared at me like I was a horrible evil monster.
Apologies in advance to anyone who’s every miscarried.
When my sister miscarried, my mom shared the news with my youngest brother and I: “She lost the baby.” My brother’s instant response: “Did she look under the bed?”
No death in this one, but we had a morbidly obese man on our unit awhile back. He was so big, he couldn’t fit into our CT machine–and he needed a CT of his chest to rule out whatever.
The doctor wrote an order to transport the pt to a local zoo where they had a CT big enough.
All I could think of was, if I go to the zoo, will I get a balloon?
I couldn’t stop laughing. Pt never went to the zoo-no ambulance company would take him and we are too short staffed to have a nurse gone that long…
There was a radio spot for a hotline that run a few years back around these parts. Domestic violence victims, I believe.
“Yeah, my girlfriend falls down stairs all the time.” loony tunes type violence noises in the background: Doh! Oh! Ow! Stop it! Crash! Thud! Bang! Argh!
“Constantly banging into doors.” ditto
“Falls down all the times. She’s so silly that way.” more cheap sound effects, maybe some screaming and boinks
I still get the giggles thinking about it. Talk about the opposite effect than intended.
Edit/Addition to previous post: the point being that I hit post before I could type it–it sounded like a local dj spot about a guy complaining about his clumsy girlfriend. Took me a few listens before I even noticed they were trying to be tragic and play up the seriousness of the situation. Yeah, good job on that.
Oh, oh! I have a funny miscarriage story! So, when my son was 18 months, I was about five months pregnant with another baby. Around this time, my son was looking a little shaggy, so my husband gave him a hair cut. To say it was God awful would be an understatement, I assure you. Still in shock, I went to the bathroom to pee and that’s when I saw I was spotting. Soon I found out that the baby I was carrying had died. My sister’s comment: “Do you think it died rather than let Freddy cut its hair?” We’re still chuckling over that.
I hate to say it, but the fact that my husband’s name is Freddy really adds to the story, too.