First, you no doubt ask, why in the hell do you still have an AOL account?
Answer: Hell if I know. About three to five times a year, AOL proves useful to me in some fashion, like when my office e-mail goes down the tubes or I need to do some research on a computer that has otherwise password-protected Internet service. Once or twice I’ve fixed friends’ computers by cranking up my grungy old AOL dial-up account and downloading the patch that fixes the driver that screws up the high-speed Intenet service which requires the patch which can’t be downloaded because the driver is screwed up…
It’s not worth it, I’m certain of that. But I’m allowed a few vaguely embarassing excesses in my life, like a car that looks like a feminine pad but couldn’t carry ten boxes of tampons in the trunk. And, I suppose, AOL.
Today, however, just might be the last straw.
Recently, AOL’s web-mail included a “revolutionary” new feature which actually lets me report spammers and block them. I like imagining some spammer banging his fists on the table and screaming, “l<3r535 40l h4z f0!l3l) m3 464!n,” then taking a long pull from a nippled bottle of warm milk.
Unfortunately, I get between fifteen and twenty spam mail messages a day, and I haven’t cleaned house in nearly a week. Just as I began to approach the magic 100 number of reported and blocked numbers…
…I was kicked off. My account is now invalid, and I have a sneaking suspicion as to why.
I think it might be because I spammed the AOL server with the effing spam I’m trying to report!
Now I’m not saying that is what happened, I’m just saying that I suspect that’s what happened. But I’ll tell you this: if that is what AOL just did to me, I’m through with them for good, because that’s just too damned dumb even for me.
We’ll find out soon, AOL. I hope I’m not giving you the benefit of the doubt.