Have you checked his temperature. He might turn into liquid Dwayne-O
While it could just be a mineral deficiency, I can’t rule out that you should give him a good beating.
What? I’ve known people who were as dense as rocks & half a smart. I good beating fixed them right up…
Whatever you do, make sure you have him neutered. It’s the socially responsible thing to do; having his stones removed. If it makes him feel self-conscious, you might consider getting him some neuticles. Perhaps some shiny agates. Or, maybe some smooth obsidian ones. Since they’re smooth, they would be easier to lick.
geez, just take him out on the lake and let him have a nice long swim. Just don’t put in him with a sack of cats.
He’s pining for the fjords.
Hilarious! This thread makes me want to get a pet rock.
Has he had a scare lately?
He sounds petrified.
Have you considered that maybe Dwayne was just born that way? Not all rocks are meant to roll. I’ve had rocks that were perfectly content to live out their lives as bookends and doorstops. Placing unrealistic expectations on a sedentary rock can lead to psychological problems that he’ll act out on later, like falling on your head. We just have to accept rocks for who they are.
Have you turned your rock lately? I know not turning can be a problem with stones.
I think the problem is its sedimentary lifestyle. You need to make sure it gets more activity.
Perhaps that’s metamorphic, but it just sounds igneous to me.
“You better lava me now or lava me not…” - Jimmy Buffett
Did you drive him home? That probably just rocked him to sleep.
Try waking him up. It should be relatively easy. It’s not rock science, after all.
Maybe he misses his mother? Put him beside a quartz heater, and see if that does the trick.
OMG
This thread…tip of my tongue…arrgh…gottit - rocks.
Whew.
Does it sing along to an old Simon and Garfunkel song?
Just put a thermo-concrete patch on it (like Bones did) and wait for it to heal.
Have you tried to explain your expectations? While dogs are pretty good at picking up their masters’ expectations, rocks tend to be more dense.
Most household rocks need an exercise wheel. You can find a good rock tumbler at any hobby shop. I bet he’ll develop a shiny coat in no time!
Unless you have a pumice. Pumice don’t do so well in tumblers, but they like to swim. A nice dish of water to float in would do the trick.
I wouldn’t try treating until you have positive confirmation that the rock is actually guarding eggs… like it leaves a message explaining its non-violent intentions (or its desire to continue living; hard to tell with lithic grammar)
Never mind, I’m clearly just talking crazy schist now.
Maybe Dwayne just wants to visit family; his gniesses and nephews. One big happy conglomerate!
It can be tuff to figure out what the problem can be sometimes, maybe he needs to see a (geologic) play like Pyrites of Penzance or maybe a nice philosophic discussion about Porphyry.
Sorry.
No, I’m not…