I don’t want any more. I can’t find anything good enough in my life right now. No one around me knows me or what I’m going through. I can’t go home because nothing is good enough there, either. I feel nothing but pain. Last night I broke. I went hysterical. I spent 2 hours tearing a book into little bitty peices, rocking back and forth and talking to myself. I would start crying, and then the next moment be totaly emotionless. Then laugh. I just realized I have welts on my arm. The only person that is can keep me sane is hurting me so much it’s driving me insane. And I can’t let him go. I’m trying, but I can’t. The thought of going to class tomorow makes me sick. The thought of staying at college makes me sick. The thought of going home makes me sick. The thought of any thing short of a coma is unbearable. He thinks I’m doing this to hurt him. I cannot stop myself anymore. I’ve barely been able to eat, sleep is bliss. Unconsiouness. I don’t want to help myself. I don’t want help. Unless it is from one person, and he can’t. I know all of you will tell me everything will be okay, and to get help, but not one of you will show up at my door and guide me. And I know you can’t and its okay. What I need is for one paticular person to show up at my door and help me. But he can’t. I need him to hold my hand and lead me, but he can’t. All he can do is tell me to get over it. He tells me everything will be okay, but then tells me I’m a witch. He tells me he loves me as a friend, then tells me he can’t stand to speak to me. He can’t even stand to hear my voice, let alone see me face to face. He tells me to remember the good times we had, then confuses me with other girls. We planed so much. We named our kids. I can see them. But they will never be. I don’t ever want to love again. It isn’t worth it. I do need help, but I can’t do it alone. I need him there. I need him, and I’ve lost him forever. Why, God, why?
{{{relic}}}
Hon, I have been there, so I do know what you’re going through. But even though I have, I can’t tell you how to get through it. You’re the one that has to be ready to do that on your own. But in the meantime, I can give you lots of hugs and keep my e-mail open for you (use it, please - you wouldn’t believe some of what experience has taught me about manipulative men… and this one does sound like a classic example, just by going by your OP) I’d show up on your door for a real, live hug if I could. But that being impossible, I’ll do the best I can virtually.
I won’t promise it will all turn out ok.
I won’t promise you won’t continue to hurt and cry and scream.
I won’t promise that you won’t feel alone sometimes.
But I will promise that you can work through it if you want to, and that friends can try to help and try to guide, but you have to be ready to listen. And sometimes that may take a long time, but it can, and will, happen.
And I will promise that whenever you need an understanding shoulder, I will be here.
{{{relic}}}
{{{relic}}}
{{{relic}}}
(And there’s more where those came from if you need them)
I know I’m not where you are, but I’ve been to similar places. Tough times, I recognize; but, you’ll get through dear.
You need to know right now that probably most of us have done some time on Lonely Street (and that is not necessarily tied to having an SO in place).
'Luck, dear, you’ll get there.
relic,
You’re right, I can’t be there to help you. I wish I could–if it were feasible I would be there in a few minutes. As it stands, though, I’m afraid I can’t be much help. I’ve been exactly where you are and I know the kinds of feelings you are having.
I’m not going to tell you everything will be okay. That does not help you in the slightest and only trivializes what you are feeling. Only you know when this will get better.
You know what? There will never be anyone else like him. It’s true. That’s what sucks about life and love–there are no carbon copies. You can’t just replace someone like you can a china pattern. I know you don’t want to think about anyone else right now and that’s fine. You don’t have to. But you do have to realize that there are other people out there and you will get to know and love several of them because they don’t make you feel this way.
I know you want him to show up and help you but he can’t. You know he can’t because of the circumstances. Guess what? He can’t because of the way he is either. I know you love him but if he tells you to “get over it” and calls you “a witch” and tells you that he “can’t stand” to speak to you–he can’t help because he is the problem. Not the cause of the problem–the problem.
I’m not going to spell out that he is bad for you, the wrong guy, someone who abuses you–you will decide if these things are true or not on your own. But the problem here is not you, it is not lost love–it is the asshole who is being abusive to you.
Unfortunately, I’d wager that just about everybody on this board knows how you feel–most of us have had to go through variations of it, some more than once. So you are by no means alone, even if it feels like it right now.
{{{{{{relic}}}}}}
{{{relic}}}
I know it’s trite to say that I know what you’re going through, but I’ve been there myself. Moved to Jacksonville to be with her, thought we’d end up getting married, got dumped, nervous breakdown, thw whole nine yards. I almost ended up committing suicide. The only difference is that I didn’t really have anyone there with me to help get me through it.
You do. We’re here for you. I can assure you through personal experience that the emotions that run through this keyboard are true. I won’t tell you that this whole thing won’t hurt, because it will. And it does, I know. But be strong and if you need to, take strenghth from us. Somehow, we’ll get you through it.
::scratches her back, keeps his mouth shut::
Well don’t we all just love to jump to thinking that im a compleat and total ass hole thank you everyone.
for one it wasn’t me last night who talked to her someone else got into my account but she understands that.
You have to understand one thing I’m not like every ass hole all of you have dated and i will be by her side as a friend untill the day comes that she doen’t want me there.
I know that day is not any day soon so relic i will stand by and help but i wont hurt you as everyone thinks i will.
relic is my friend and it hurts me to. I lost a truly deep love when i lost her but the truth is things changed and i saw it time to move on so I did and i never meant to hurt her but it will always happen when you have gone as long as we had in our relationship
sailorboy
You know what? I don’t think it was him. looking back, it wasn’t like him. He wouldn’t have used witch, he would have used a similar word. He never capitalizes in IM’s, whoever this was, did. It didn’t sound like him, didn’t use the words he would have, but I attributed it to hatred when it was happening. Who the F@*# would do this to me? Crap. And now you all will hate him. Please don’t? He talked me out of that hysteria I mentioned. Almost called my parents because he was afraid I’d hurt myself. Please don’t hate him. If it wasn’t him last night in the IM (and it wasn’t.), he’s helped me more than anyone.
And thanks for the back scratch, inor! Smile? Just a widdle smile? I’ll smooch ya if you smile!
And thanks everyone else. I will be fine. Sorry for going psycho. Blame it on whoever it was from the IM.
I’m glad you guys got the IM thing resolved.
But may I make a humble suggestion?
Please stop sorting this out on the boards. I think we all saw from the Snark Hunter - vanilla fiasco nothing good can come of it.
I feel for you both. A breakup is not easy for anyone. But relic, you will get through this. And sailor? Understand that she is upset, and will be for awhile. Give her some room.
Best of luck to both of you.
Fine, close this. I beg forgiveness for reaching out here, yet again.
Hold on there, relic- I was not implying that you should not “reach out” here - I think the previous posts prove that you are more than welcome to seek comfort on the boards.
My suggestion to not “sort this out on the boards” was directed at both you and sailorboy. Maybe you guys should agree to not post to one another about your breakup. Maybe you should stay out of each other’s threads - I dont know the answer. But I do know that communicating private feelings and accusations on a public board can get messy.
You’re both hurting alot right now, and I think I speak for many people here when we say you both are welcome to talk about your troubles.
Wad he posting to me, or trying to clear things up, clear his name? I think he was more replying to accusations that he was an asshole. Which I totaly understand why that was said. Yet it is unfair that he was accused of saying things he never did. Dare I invite him back so he can clarify, or would that make things worse? Oh, well, he is his own man…
I will ckear this up on my own relic.
first of alll the only reason i posted was because so people on this message board call me an ass hole and acused me of doing something i didnt do so i simply replyed to that to clear any mistakes people might have made and like i said before i am not like all ther men out there im not a ass hole 24/7 and i do care and i hate to be put in the same thought as someones elses past fuck up.
sailorboy
Per Sapphire Bullet regardless of the “must share” part of “MPSIMS” this is really not the best forum for an ongoing discussion of a messily implod(ing/ed) relationship between two SDMB members or the misunderstandings that led to it, interspersed with accusations and defense posts by the aggrieved parties. A MPSIMS thread is great at giving comfort but it’s bad at playing Jerry Springer. Sort these issues out privately and after you have settled your relationship status come back for hugs and comfort.
See? Forget it.
What can I say?
This is MPSIMS. Relic, if you feel like you need support from your friends here, this is the place for it. I think everyone agrees on that. What a few people appear to be saying is that it may be advisable to sort really direct person-to-person stuff out off the boards.
For example: had you called him regarding the IM situation, things would not have transpired to this thread, and Sailorboy would not have felt obliged to chime in here to defend himself. Because after all, that was NOT what your thread was about. Your OP is valid - you’re telling us why you’re hurt, and you’re not pointing any fingers. As long as you two can keep it like that, I have no problem with threads like these - from a moderators perspective.
It’s just that we (by this I mean the SD community at large, and the SD Staff in particular) have become rather apprehensive about relationship feuds that moved to the boards. It’s none of our business, when you think about it. Share what you are willing to share, but think twice about posting things you might regret later.
If you still want this closed, just say the word.
Yes Coldie, but Sailorboy is one of my friends, and we are working things out off the boards. It angers me that he cannot post to one of my threads without someone jumping on both of us. He came here to this thread, as we were talking on the phone, to try and clear his name. He and I talk every day, on the phone, or through IM’s (which we are now taking precautions about,) so he has no need to contact me through the boards. Look, I’m tired of trying to explain. Really tired. So can any mod that happens by close this? I appreciate the support I got, both times. I really do. You are WONDERFUL people, and I hope someday I can meet you all at a dope fest.