For the first time in so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like, so I suppose it was a good thing.
The situation, and I don’t want to get into too much detail, is that someone I’ve known for 5 years or so was upset and gave me a call. During that call they said they were threatening to, basically, blackmail someone else I know. Only they weren’t doing it for any gain, simply because they were upset and wanted to hurt the cause. In fact, they admitted that they didn’t think it would get them anything. The information they were going to reveal was obtained solely as a result of their relationship with the blackmailee. Later today, I heard from the blackmailee that they called and threatened to reveal other privileged information which had nothing to do with the blackmailee, except that the information is about other members of their family.
Just another person to write off, and another confirmation of my policy of sharing nothing with anyone…and that saddens me, for some reason.
I agree that the situation you listed is pretty shitty, but saying you will “share nothing with anyone” is a wee bit extreme, dont you think? What about your future/current spouse, or your future/current kids? Dont let a few bad apples spoil your sundae.
The person in question was mr. blackmailee for a while.
There will be no ms yag, since I will not trust another person enough to have a functional relationship. This, though, is just another confirmation of a policy I’ve already adopted, not a policy I’ve decided to enact based on these events. Though it seems that every data point in favor of it disappoints me.
My policy is to never trust someone with more than I absolutely have to. In other words, treat everything as need to know, and minimize the number of people who need to know. The risk that I misjudge someone’s character, or that someone changes a few years down the line is far too great for me to take when I have another option.
Because I have decided not to trust anyone until I have no choice, I will not engage in a relationship. It would be a doomed relationship from the start, and thus wouldn’t be fair to the other person involved. Not to mention I have other issues which I would not want to subject another person to.
I wouldn’t even say the person in the OP is horrid. I only pointed out the negatives, but he has positive qualities, too. Though I condemn his actions, he was justifiably upset at blackmailee. However, he crossed a line with his threats which can not be uncrossed, even if he comes to his senses and decides not to follow through.
Yag, have you considered working in the pharmaceutical industry? You seem to have the right level of paranoia. I haven’t exactly worked my way through the industry, but Need To Know (actually, Less Than Need To Know) seems to be the standard.
They’ll even claim it’s a GMP requirement.
I’d never be able to live with that mindset myself, but hey, if you’re happier that way, congratulations.
While I have not seen a doctor, and most likely will not, I wouldn’t say I’m paranoid. I don’t believe that anyone is out to get me; that’d be irrational. I do, however, believe that there will be a few people who, intentionally or not, will do something to hurt me. I don’t think that belief is irrational, I think everyone will run into at least one person who tries to hurt them in some way. Additionally, as someone gets closer to you, their ability to cause pain grows. I’m concentrating on the negatives here, but as long as I have not experienced the positives in a while, I can live without them.
Additionally, if I minimize the amount of potentially damaging information any person knows about me, then I minimize the damage they can do if something does go wrong. However, I consider almost all information about me to be potentially damaging, so maybe there is something here for me to re-examine.
Neither of these beliefs make me happy; they merely lead to a tolerable life. Why should I take a risk, when I can exist as I am?
As for the pharma industry…I’m not looking for a new job just yet, but I might give them a look if I’m in the job market sometime in the future.
If you’re talking about the people that will intentionally or unintentionally hurt you, I think the percentage would be pretty close to 100% if not 100%. After all, I’m guessing you do things to hurt yourself at times unintentionally. Expecting more of others would be irrational.
On either end of the spectrum there’s risk. If you let no information about yourself out, you would be not communicating with anyone. (That would include this message board.) If you let too much information out, you could be risking hurt. You’re on the continuum.
In another thread, you asked the last question here in a variant of this form. You said something about what if you’re so content, you don’t want to get out of bed. There’s a big difference between contentment and apathy. Not wanting to get out of bed pretty much every day is apathy. Luxuriating in not having to get up on particular days is contentment.
The reason people take risks is because there’s often a risk/reward ratio. When someone takes a risk, they hope for it to lead to a good outcome. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. But there’s also risk in not acting. The world changes around you whether you think it is or not.
Good gawd no, it’s not an offer. Nothing personal, but I have enough on my plate right now!
I see you’re not soliciting advice, but I’m gonna put in my two cents anyway. While I’m sure you’ve heard this all before, life is a big risk/reward thing. If you never risk sharing your personal feelings with anyone, you also will not reap the rewards of a warm loving relationship. It’s all part of being human. We all get hurt and we learn to move on being stronger and wiser for the effort.
I was going to write up a longer reply, but I’m not sure if I’m going to pay for membership. So I’ll just say thanks for the responses…you’ve given me something to think about.
Aww bummer. I had a feeling that your membership was up, and that was the reason you weren’t returning to the thread.
Just some parting unsolicited advice. You sound like you’re pretty analytical and you’re working pretty hard to justify your depression. I hope you find a way out.
