If you start to think that you want to watch the movie Precious, seek immediate help. Otherwise, I think your exposure has so far been minimal. You might be okay.
So now for my own admission…
An eight year old child recently introduced me to Victorious…and I ended up buying the Victorious CD and I find myself listening to those catchy tunes frequently.
My man card is taking a hit for this one. I think I need to go play some ice hockey without a helmet or participate in some other manly endeavor in order to balance it out.
That depends - were you watching it instead of porn as an aid to ummm, relaxation?
You absolutely are going to die, unless you apply the antidote.
- Strip down to BVDs.
- Get comfortable on couch with hand positioned inside the elastic waistband.
- Partake in periodic ball scratches.
- Drink Budweiser.
- Occasionally belch loud enough someone asks “Did you get any on you?”
- Pass gas and blame it on the dog.
A day of this should ensure you don’t die or worse - bleed every month and not die.
NO. That’s what we chicks do because we never fart. Guys fart loud and proud like you created something out of thin air.
What was the flick?
If that’s like a 1 to 5 scale, then you need to add a -1 to it - movies that women shouldn’t even watch, let alone men. Like Sisterhood (at least the first one) got decent reviews. There is a place in hell where you are forced to watch New Year’s Eve or Leap Year or the one that I went to watch and blocked the title out of my mind. Probably something similar, Flag Day or Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day or something.
Oh, and kill means murdered. No dying of tuberculosis or the Vapors. Those methods of death require an extra cool death to make up for it. Like if Lord Rumpsey kills Baron Baddington in a duel.
I think my post #20 kind of covers this. But I agree the scale needs to be updated to include today’s artificially estrogen-enhanced flicks.
And yes, you are right about the deaths. Anything other than murder by gunshots, explosions or beating to death doesn’t count. Though deliberate poisoning gets a half credit.
And death by cancer or tragic accident is a negative credit.
But if you give them cancer by beaming them with x-rays from the apartment next door, no points lost. And really, we should consider whether a graphic decapitation or some other extremely gory death, even those caused by accident, should be penalized.
I wouldn’t worry overly about this. The effects of watching a chick flick can be reversed quite easily by following it up with a dick flick - this is a movie that contains a lot of explosions, guns, car chases and very sparse, poor dialog.
You’ll be back to normal almost immediately.
Ok, I think I’m good then. The next thing I watched was The Replacement Killers.
Be careful. That’s too damn close to a chick flick! It has children, and adults protecting children. The main guy, a hit man no less, won’t kill a kid because of his conscience. It has Mira Sorvino, though she does play her role in a rather butch style. But there is enough killing to render it harmless, I’ll grant you that.
I prescribe 3 consecutive viewings of Predator to assure a full recovery from the first flick.
Yeah, it was a little sensitive, but it did reinforce the concept of dealing with problems through violence. Diehard is available, but it’s a little Christmas-y. I’ll look through the On Demand movies, there has to be some pointless violence there. And I’ll just up my porn consumption for a while.
Hing Kong Triad films are usually pretty safe, so long as the synopsis doesn’t mention anything about “protecting wife and family”. However, “avenging brutally murdered wife and kids” should be very restorative to your manhood.
And avoid Jackie Chan flicks.
Oh come on. I’ve grown a few extra testicles just reading about his films.
You haven’t seen them? They are the Josie and the Pussycats version of action films. Admittedly Jackie is quite an athlete, but it’s like watching one of those Olympic women’s gymnast events – the one where they dance on a big square pad with some kind of hula-hoop and ribbon.
Jackie Chan flicks are gateways to chick flicks. Soon you’ll be watching Paul Rudd films, and then Sandra Bullock, and eventually… Amanda Bynes! :eek:
Are you impugning Doc Holliday?
Nah. Franz Kafka wasn’t very manly in that his books didn’t have a lot of killing. But they did have a lot of suffering, so that counts. A lot of suffering. I was going for the waifish aristrocratic nine year old death. Hey, TVTropes calls it Victorian Novel Disease.
God. Damn. It.
Apparently my high school gym coach was right about that AND pot.