I watched a chick flick. Am I going to die?

I wasn’t trying to get laid or anything. It was just on, nobody else was there. I started watching because there were some cute chicks, then next thing I knew I wanted to find out what happened, and I watched it all the way through. I even watched the credits and extra scenes. Should I see a doctor? Has this ever happened to a guy before?

I’m afraid you’re doomed, unless you wore your estrogen shields. Quick, grab a couple of beers and scratch your balls, just to make sure they’re still there.

Are you wearing a red shirt? A second tier actor? The last guy in the line hiking through the woods? Did you tell the producer you wanted more money? A guest star? The bad guy? The asshole who that nice lady shouldn’t be married too? Pulling some juvenille prank in place you are not supposed to be?

These are the factors the Sugeon General has determined to be the most statistically significant in determining your probability of dieing.

You won’t die, but you must turn in your Man Card to the proper authorities.

Musicat is on the right track, I think, start burping and farting, get into that recliner, turn on televised golf, and keep telling everybody actually doing things; “Hey, y’know, you’re doing that wrong!”


Thanks for throwing yourself on that grenade, buddy.

That depends on which chick flick it was. If it was “When Harry Met Sally”, you’re all good. If it was “What’s Your Number?” or something of that ilk, well…

Watching a chick flick with an actual chick shows you’re secure in your manhood, and care about her(or are at least smart enough to pretend :wink: ). Watching it alone? Dude, rent some Clint Eastwood westerns,stat!

From what I have heard from others in your situation, you will not die, but you may start weeping or getting emotional over things that never touched you before.

And it wont give you a monthly period, but you may experience the sensation of having a phantom vagina if you keep watching those movies.

Have you started squatting to pee yet?

The standards have dropped as of late. Now you get a strike on your permanent man record. Get three strikes and you’re demoted to boy. You can get strikes removed by doing something manly; wrestling a bear or changing a tire, or something.

Are you up to date on your cooties vaccinations? If not, you’re more susceptible right now.


Do you have a compulsion to dress in pink frills? Do you crave chocolate? Or extra sweet alcoholic drinks with umbrellas in them?

There is a sliding scale of chick flicks. On the low end of the scale is Laura Croft: Tomb Raider, which is about a chick who acts like a man with big tits. Mid-range is Sister Act or any film with Queen Latifah in it. On the high end are flicks like Waiting to Exhale and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Where the movie ranks on this scale determines how dangerous it is.

Another indicator is how many people are killed in it. The more people killed in the movie, the less likely you are to die.

write this event down in some detail (not a diary, it is history). later on you have some notes when you want to appear sensitive to some one.

Hey, people die in them Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies!

That’s a good idea. If you live, you might as well get something useful out of the movie, and getting laid by faking sensitivity is as useful as it gets. Even being able to rationally discuss the plot and “meaning” of the movie will score you some points with some chicks.

This is of course assuming you can still get an erection after watching the flick.

How would I know? You think I watch chick flicks?

How many people die? I forgot to mention that 5 is the minimum, unless the lead chick is really butch.

Yes, you are going to die. Probably not related to watching the movie though.

Forgot to mention – the CFS (Chick Flick Scale) was invented before Sex and The City (I or II) were released. If you saw one of them, you would probably have been dead before the closing credits rolled.

If you did see one of them and are still alive, turn yourself over to a credible medical research institution so they can determine why. You may have undiagnosed hormonal or chromosomal issues.