Not an exact quote:
“From where the dandelions now grow, from this day forth, I will fight no more forever.”
And I thought Joseph’s main problem was that one-armed Army General.
Sir
Dandilions…shouldn’t that be dandillions? I think we have that many this year.
You could use a little Pennzoil™ on 'em (It’s better as a weed killer than a lubricant)… Although, you might get a real flaming from Chas.E. as seen here.
Disclaimer: [sub]The statements above are my own opinions, and not those of the Straight Dope, the Straight Dope Message Board, or The Chicago Reader. They are true to the best of my knowledge. Any similarity to any other statements made by any other person, in any forum is purely coincidental, and unintentional. The comment regarding Pennzoil™ does not make any attempt to slander The company, or suggest that their motor oil is of inferior quality, It merely suggests an alternate usage for their product.[/sub]
Eh, we have an ecologically diverse lawn. In other words, I’m too lazy to fiddle with the weeds. That and it’s fun watching our Lawn Doctor worshipping neighbor turn red and grit his teeth. The man mows his lawn three times a week! I don’t need a monotone, level green carpet that badly.
jayjay
I don’t battle anything better adapted to the planet than I am.
So there’s a carboy full of dandelion wine fermenting in my kitchen. It’s looking pretty alcohol-errific. 
My solution: Live in Tucson, Arizona. Nothing, I mean nothing, grows in this blasted desert without considerable intervention by the hand of man.
Don’t like a plant? Turn your back on it, and an hour later return to watch a dramatic death scene.
Dandelions would not dare to venture here. Skeeters, neither.
I love the desert.
MrVisible suggests:
I disagree in the details.
You have to fertilize it, water it, cultivate carefully around it, and tenderly tie its stalk to a little stake made of green-dyed bamboo. Then it will perish dramatically.
Hard to do with a horde of dandelions, I concede. Especially tying its stalk to the little stake.
But, Fenris, if you eliminate your dandelion patch, where will Binkley and Opus go to lie down and look at clouds?
Errr, you’re a city boy, aren’t you, Matt?
Any idea how much time and money go into planting and tending a flower garden, or tending and pruning fruit trees?
I don’t go nuts with the lawn, I seldom fertilize or use weed killers, but grass is pretty much the most attractive and cost effective way to cover the expanse around the house.
And if you think a rock garden or pasture is a reasonable alternative, I invite you to try walking through either one barefoot sometime…
But I think dandelions are really attractive. I tend to mow around them.
HERETIC!!! You have offended me. Begone from this thread.
Fenris
[sub]ummmm Fenris - ummmm is it ok if we have the ‘designated prarie look’ at our house?[/sub]
One down side of this program, is that around, oh, say, mid to late summer, the long grasses tend to ‘goose me’ :eek: when I’m wearing a dress.
Asphalt. Lots of asphalt.
Yup…this has been our “someday we’d love to…” thing, also. But we’re gonna paint it green just for nostalgia’s sake… 
jayjay
It’s simple. First, build a dome covering the lawn. Make sure it’s pressurized and filtered. Then, agent Orange. Defoliate the place like there’s no tomorrow. Then, you replant.
Goboy: Opus and Binkley can sit anywhere they want, as long as the dandilions aren’t in MY yard.
Captain Amazing and Wartime I like the way you two think. Should I, at some future date, choose to pick up the garden weasel again, you two shall certainly be Generals in my army.
Do you consort with the dreaded dandilions? Do you allow them to grow free in your yard? Do you frolic barefooted amongst their yellow-evil? Or have you warred with them, uprooting, poisioning, decapitiaing them gleefully? Have you, like I, fought the good fight but are now beating your troweling spade into a sword? Have you tired of the battle, resolving to study war no more? If so, then I am your battle-weary brother.
BUT
If you consort with the demon-weed, reveling in it’s poofyness, spreading it’s evil to the four corners of the earth…if you worship at the fluffy alter of the golden-headed devil plant, then I am sorely disappointed.
Wild sunflowers, thistles and long grasses are fine. Dandilions are Satan’s own flora.
Fenris
Astroturf, my boy, Astroturf…
Oh, by the way, the dandelions are just the beginning of the assualt. The Evil One actually prefers crabgrass. It’s even more impossible to kill, and a good plague of crabgrass following upon a scourge of dandelions will make even the most determined homeowner consider selling his soul…
Dandelions are pretty, until they go to seed, and then they get ugh-uh-ly.
I, too, have a neighbor who mows three times a week. Also, fertilizes and waters and gawd only knows what else. My mudda in law, in for a visit, took a look and said it must have been newly planted. My wife disabused her of that notion, telling her that she is regularly out there, on her hands and knees, carefully pulling up each and every teeny little weed that dares to show itself in her lawn.
No trees, either. None that are deciduous, anyway. They give off “debris”, after all.
WHERE do these people come from?
My brother had the best comment: “She must have nothing else to do with her life.”
Let the dandy lions grow! You, on the other hand, should go swimming. Or golfing. Or fishing. Far more enjoyable activities.
Actually, now that I think about it, dandelions are about the one thing that don’t grow in the mass of stuff that we call our ‘lawn’. not sure what all is out there tho’ So, no, I don’t cavort in the yellow headed masses.
Then you, as I always knew, are one of the GOOD ones
Fenris
Once you have the “dani-lions” (that’s what my daughter calls them) under control you can use a little bit of roundup to get rid of any more that happen along. Use a small paintbrush to paint a little roundup on the leaves of the interloper and the whole plant dies, roots and all. Pulling dandilions just fragments the root system and makes more dandelions.
This technique works really well with crabgrass too as it is the root system that needs to be destroyed for you to have any success.
For a non-chemical solution and a hefty fee I could rent you my daughter who could spend all day picking dandelions.