I have never watched Survivor. I have never seen Big Brother, nor have I sat through The Mole, Road Rules or even The Real World. No, I have never seen a “reality” show in its entirety. I have watched several minutes of some of them, however.
But that is all about to change.
You see, next week, our friends at Fox are going to start airing their reality show. So what makes this so different from all the other shows? And why do I want to watch it? Allow me to explain.
You see, the people who participate on these so-called “reality” shows are the lowest, most vile form of human being. They are people who are so stupid, so amazingly incompetent, that they could never actually survive in anything that passes for reality. So they sign up for these “reality” shows so that they might get a taste, while having insurance policies and medical staff (oh, and lots of editing staff) to watch over them. But why television? Because these same people are so starved for self-significance that they must acquire the “approval” of the outside world to feel good about themselves. But approval is not what they get; no, they get “we like watching you make an asshole of yourself.” But that’s good enough.
Needless to say, I am not impressed with these people. They are the same insipid dweebs who spent their time in high school giggling because they’re too stupid to understand that five plus five does, indeed, equal ten. They’re the same moronic bastards who got off making fun of the intelligent kids who worked hard while their daddies are out buying them college admissions.
You see, that’s why I’m interested in Fox’s new show, Boot Camp. These poor bastards signed up for a “reality” show, except they had no idea what they were signing up for. You see, all the producers told them was that it wwas a game show that would last a few weeks, and there would be a Large Cash Prize in the end.
They signed up for (fake) Marine boot camp. That’s right. These sorry sons and daughters of bitches and morons will spend the next few weeks being vehemetly dehumanized and insulted by four genuine Marine drill sergeants. They will do calesthenics for hours on end, run miles up hill, do more aerobic acrobatics, all the while waking up at rediculous hours in the moring and getting precious little sleep. And the whole time, they’re going to be constantly insulted in full brutal, wonderful drill sergeant fashion.
I can’t fucking wait!
