The NATIONAL LOTTERY
P O Box 1010 ,
LIVERPOOL, L70 1NL
UNITED KINGDOM.
(Customer Services)
Ref: UK/9420X2/68
Batch: 074/05/ZY369
WINNING NOTIFICATION:
We happily announce to you the draw (#1092) of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY, online Sweepstakes International program held on Saturday 10th of June, 2006. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: 56475600545 188 with Serial number 5368/02 drew the lucky numbers: 14-27-32-39-41-47 and the bonus number 12 , which subsequently won you the lottery in the 1st category.You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £141,022 (one hundred and forty one thousand,and twenty two pounds) in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of £9,009,105 shared amongst the (9) lucky winners in this category i.e Match 5 plus bonus.All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online. This promotion takes place weekly. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your £141,022 (One hundred and forty one thousand, and twenty two pounds sterling) would be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. To file for your claim, please contact our fiduciary agent:
For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential till your claims is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to claim your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned.
CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE MEMBERS AND STAFF OF UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Martin Smith
Online coordinator for UK NATIONAL LOTTERY
NOTE: Any winner below the age of 18 years is automatically disqualified. You are to contact your claims officer immediately by email.
So what exactly are these people going to do after I contact them (not that I’m going to) to rip me off?
Hmmm…the good old “handling/transfer fee” maybe? Just send us a modest amount to help defray expenses, so we can rush your huge giant prize to you? Or maybe the “gimme your bank info so I can see the money” moron test?
Ooh, you show-off, you! Northern Burma (like the appellation, by the way) caps my Kelantan in Peninsular Malaysia, where we bought a bagful for one ringgit. You buy them in the wild and they throw in all that protein for free too!
Actually, last I heard, mangosteens weren’t allowed to be imported into the US due to some disease thingy or other. Too bad, too, because they kick ass.
Sure. At that conversion rate, I’ll send you a hundred kilobucks and await your £141 grand by return - I’ll excuse you the odd £22. Paypal all right?
What can you expect from a country that gets metric to imperial conversion the wrong way round on a freakin’ Mars probe?
The last one of these I got could really have benefitted from being corrected by an actual English inhabitant, who would have known that there’s no such postal location as “Middle Essex”…
Don’t forget to send them athorization to deduct the fee from the winnings, and send the rest.
Why keep it secret for security? Do they imply that someone will steal your winning email address?
You’ll recieve an email one day like this.
Dear customer:
Somebody hacked into our server last night. They downloaded you emails, and deleted them from our server. The authorites have been notified and we will be cooperating to catch these vandels.
A mere £141,022? That’s incredibly paltry. I think I have won more than a billion pounds within the last three years alone in various lotteries, mostly in the UK. One of these days I’ll just have to pop round to pick it up. Then it’s off to Nigeria and about 15 other African countries, where I have something like 100 billon dollars stored in various bank accounts, safes, strong boxes, and filing cabinents.