I’m middle-aged now (how time flies…stupid time, someone ought to break its wings, show it what’s what) and because of some unfortunate back issues, I have been warned by a few physicians over the years that I am likely going to suffer from a growing amount of chronic pain as my body ages. No real surprise there.
I think I might become a cranky old man. I can tell that I grow more easily irritated when I am in pain than when I am pain free. And then I feel guilty about it afterwards because the victims are my close ones. While my words are always measured, I have been told by a couple of people that my tone has sometimes strayed from its ideal range.
Has anyone else had these kind of thoughts? What did you conclude?
Your concerns are understandable, but there are a few things in your favour.
As medical science progresses, improved medications and medical interventions may become available both to deal with the symptoms and with the underlying causes. To some degree, as long as one can continue to function in normal day-to-day activities, one can become acclimatized to various debilitating conditions.
That said, I’ve noticed in myself something that I noticed before in my much older brother, namely a tendency to be cranky and intolerant of annoyances. I find that I’m much more bothered than I used to be, for instance, by extraneous noises like distant barking dogs or screeching little hellions. To which I say, embrace your inner crank! The older you get, the greater your right to be cranky!
But on the subject of actual pain, there is no virtue in tolerating it. If you need to be on pain meds for lack of a better alternative, then do it. Just work with your doctor to make the right choices.
Start smoking weed. It doesn’t stop the pain, it just makes you not care that you are inconstant pain.
I can’t walk more than a hundred feet or so without pain, so I try to avoid doing full grocery store runs because all that walking made me crabby at the cashier.
Medical MJ really does help a lot, today I was able to do the whole grocery store walk.
There are also non-pharmaceutical methods of pain management that you can be trained in (as I understand it, I have never used them) which might produce acceptable results, if you are reluctant to take the pharma approach. There may also be non-standard approaches, such as acupuncture, which can help. Or a combination of all of these.
This may sound silly but there’s probably a germ of truth in it: seriously scrutinize your footwear. If you have a 30 year old pair of loafers that are comfy, it might be time to invest in a new pair (orthopedic?). I’ve been putting off getting a new pair or two and I get an occasional stabbing in the back. I’m not sure who you would see to best purchase footwear; the big shoe stores of 50 years ago had actual trained people to help, nowadays? beats the crap outta me.
Podiatrists can sell orthopedic shoes; that may be a place to start. They can also make recommendations about footwear. When I had foot pain, the podiatrist I went to didn’t sell shoes, but told me what to look for to replace the old boots I had.
And you might not. I experienced longterm congenital back problems common in my family, but surgery helped immensely 7 years ago. The state of the art improves every year.
My then-husband’s doc said he’s had patients contorted from scoliosis who have no pain. You just never know.
Well, speaking from the other side of things, I have two wives, the medicated Ms. Godot and the unmedicated Ms. Godot, and while I love them both I have to admit that the former is a lot easier to be around than the latter. In terms of making thing better for your loved ones, I think the key is to try to be aware of when your starting to take your pain out on them. Just letting them know that it isn’t that that you are upset at them its just that the pain is taking a lot of your reserve so that even the smallest annoyance can become the straw that broke the camel’s back. Apologies after and even better, if possible, during can do wonders. The fact that you are aware and concerned about it is a very good sign.
Also don’t get too mad at yourself. Pain sucks and everybody gets cranky when their bodies needs aren’t being met. I fortunately don’t have chronic pain, but I can definitely notice that when I have a headache or haven’t eaten or didn’t get enough sleep things that I could normally brush off receive a biting retort. Its just part of being human.
This isn’t uncommon. Further, depression is a common issue in people with chronic pain, and depression causes all sorts of issues among people with chronic pain. Lots of people with chronic pain attend therapy to help with depression (which in turn can help with some aspects of the pain).
Have you been to a pain specialist? There have been huge strides in minimally invasive spinal pain interventions recently.
Just being aware of the situation makes a difference. I’ve had two cages put into my spine to shore it up over the years, and inevitably my spine started deteriorating a third time. I’m no longer a good candidate for a third major spinal operation so I’ve been trying out various procedures to limit the pain. None of them have worked so far. None of the normal painkillers work on me either.
At the beginning of this process - it keeps being extended like a unexpected hit Broadway show - I realized that I was being angrier, less patient, shorter with my wife at times when I was in pain, especially after I had been on my feet for a longer than usual time. You start out perfectly normal but as the minutes pass you grow more irritable and more easily provoked without any obvious warning signs. I didn’t recognize that this was a situation easy to slip into.
After this happened a few times, though, I saw the pattern. I’m much better now at warning my wife that I’m reaching the end and that I need to stop, sit down for a while, whatever. Remember, the people around you aren’t the problem, your pain is. Directing your attention at the pain will deflect your natural responses. Your pain is real and your irritation is also real; others will sympathize. But they don’t have to bear the brunt if you learn how to fence it off as much as possible.
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