Grrr…do please keep sharing. I’ve got a 14 year old maybe in the middle of the spectrum. Trying to understand what’s going on in her mind is tough. Even more so as to attractions/dating, etc
I’m not sure how better to articulate it. There are some autistic folks who will never be able to live with out supervision, and there are some autistic folks who go on to write best selling novels. My son lands somewhere in between those two.
Yes, he uses my laptop a lot. I’ve seen his browsing history. Didn’t WANT to see it [shivers], but it happened.
I wouldn’t assume that. It sounds like he was coaching his buddy.
I would just ask him. Is he interested in dating? Flat out, just like that. If he is, then you can take it further and talk about ways he can meet people. If no, then just leave it be.
My son is also on the spectrum. We’ve had this conversation. He’s just not interested. I’ll ask again some day and we’ll see what happens. I want what makes him happy. At least for now, dating isn’t it.
I would tread very carefully when trying to ascertain a persons sexual orientation using only their documented porn viewing habits as the sole qualifier. I think using that method would frequently lead to hilariously wrong answers.
I also have other factors that lead me to believe he is not gay.
Most parents just know.
Just like I suspect most parents already knew their child was gay before they officially came out. I suspect there are very few parent who were shocked or didn’t at least suspect their child was gay before they came out.
I don’t think his sexual orientation is the issue here.
I can attest to this.:eek:
Just before I met Mrs Bitchin’ I had a group of 4-5 male friend. We worked at the same place, and hung out at my house.
I had a wall of old monitors, all the guys brought their computers, we would game/surf, watch tv constantly. It was GUY central.
Being a bunch of overgrown 12 year olds, we would troll each other as much as possible. The favorite joke was to send the most offensive porn to each other.:eek:
So that meant to send weird porn, I had to search weird porn.:smack:
That could have been a very awkward discussion…“No baby, I’m not into that, I know pig and elephant DNA just won’t splice” 
He’s 21, have you two ever gone out for beers? My son is 25. I flew down to Florida to attend his wedding a few months ago. We were running some errands together and stopped for a beer. The bartender was “flirting” with both of us in an obvious effort to bolster her tip. It was hilarious. He’s getting married the next day and I’m in a committed, long-term relationship, but we were arguing over who she was flirting with.
I think doing things that might help him expand his friend group wouldn’t be inappropriate meddling. Church attendance might be totally off the table for either or both of you but if it’s not, churches can provide an active social community. Getting involved in certain kinds of volunteer work can be a way to make friends. Or become regulars at trivia night at the local watering hole. Or the gym or athletic club. Or becoming active in special interest groups like hiking or photography clubs. If any of those things appeal as things you might want to invite him to do with you, it might be a way for you to help him meet people without being overbearing. I wouldn’t make it about meeting girls but about making new friends. And of course that could lead to girlfriends if he’s interested.
Oh, okay. I think I’m somewhat that way myself.
21 is nothing. Quite common for people to not have a love life until past 21.
OP, love ya, but it’s not your business.
My boy is 20. He has been severely bipolar his entire life and it was the root of some pretty intensely bad social drama throughout his school years. He’s never had a girlfriend as far as I’ve known, and we’re pretty close. He knows about bipolar disorder having a strong genetic component (especially in our family) and he’s vowed to never put a child through anything like what he and I have gone through. So from his perspective, experience has taught him people are not to be trusted and kids are not a responsible choice for him. So what’s he want with girls? They’ll just eviscerate him first chance they get, or even worse, get a bipolar baby out of him. I’m thinking his attitude will change after a few years, but for now I think he’s right. He’s still got a way to go to recover from high school, he’s still got to get his frontal lobes online, and he’s got a career to work out. Just like I did, he might meet Ms. Right simply by accident. Until then, there are thousands of Ms. Wrongs just looking for someone like him to use and abuse (like his mother did with me), and I’d rather see him be his own man than go through that.
My youngest daughter is still 18 & still single, but…well, I just pity any man dumb enough to cross her. She’ll be alright.
I work with young people about your son’s age in an undisclosed program. So I am not talking out my ass.
You should try to remember that the rate at which people age is somewhat delayed from when you grew up. 21 is still quite young now, even without any development or other issues. I got married (the first time) before I could even buy beer. And that was quite common 40 years ago. It seems unthinkable now.
The important thing is to not let your concern become a new expectation for him to meet. If he seems to be doing fine, let him do fine at his own pace. Think about ways that you two could occasionally do something that will get you both out in the world to do things. Not things for the purpose of meeting people, just things of interest that might be fun. Maybe there is some event that you might want to attend and he might meet other, real people with interests similar to his own. Meeting people is usually an accident rather than a planned event. Keep that in mind and do not push him into events that are obviously for the purpose of meeting people.
The internet seems very public like you are interacting with a great number of people but in reality you are alone and it can be very isolating. Just getting out in the real world and interacting with people, doesn’t matter what the event, will expose him to more people who he might have common interests with.
A very empathic no to that. It’s very well possible that the last thing he would do is to talk to his parents about that. It seems he hasn’t talked to them so far.
True. I certainly didn’t complain about it to mine, although it was clear that I was severely depressed. I complained vociferously to my friends, though.