It has everything to do with it. You’re saying that my statement are hateful and extremely jerkish (to put it mildly). You say it’s the equivalent of spouting racist arguments. I contest that, and I’m asking you to show me that it is in fact hateful, rather than being “us American progressives, have recently decided that making this or that statement is hateful because it doesn’t follow our newly invented celebrating diversity rule #2137. You better stop from now on making it or you’re an horrible person because we said so.” Or “A friend of a friend belonging to a minority doesn’t like what you say, so you should shut up or you’re an horrible person.” Or “in order to silence any opposition to our arguments, we need to demonize our opponents. Comrades, make sure to accuse any person disagreeing on any point with the party stance of being racist, homophobe, misogynistic and generally horrible. Throw enough mud and it will eventually stick on the wall, and those who disagree won’t dare anymore to express their opinion”. Or “all my friends and all the blogs I read say so, so you must be an horrible person”.
I could probably have expressed the same thing without ever mentioning her gender, but that would be dancing around the reality of the situation, which is that they’re trying to define who qualifies as a woman in women sports, and any definition they will come up with will exclude some people who would define themselves as women. Avoiding to present things as they are, avoiding any statement that would hint at Semenya stated gender being a subjective preference that can at any moment conflicts with any definition any institution feels the need to come up with for what they feel is a legitimate reason (in this case, allowing 99% of women to have a shot at winning if they compete, even if it’s at the expense of 1% of peculiar individuals who would like to compete to) is simply trying to find a convoluted way to avoid mentioning the elephant in the room.
I’m male and I fit neatly in almost all definition of my gender I could come up with. The overwhelming majority of people do. Semenya doesn’t. She doesn’t cross all the boxes for either gender. As far as I can tell, she has the external appearance of a woman and the chromosomes of a man. She isn’t objectively a woman. She isn’t a man, either. She just biologically doesn’t fit in our binary system. She elected to categorize herself as a woman nevertheless, or she always felt a woman, or whatever. In most circumstances you can just ignore her biological makeup and deal with her as you would with any woman, it’s of no consequence for anybody. But in this situation, some people feel this gives her an unfair advantage and penalizes them. Stating so isn’t being hateful, it’s acknowledging reality. And refusing to mention her gender, or denying that this has anything to do with gender isn’t being a nice person, it’s denying reality rather than breaking the taboo : “thou shall never dispute one’s self-assessed gender or concede that a self-assessed gender might be disputed”.
I don’t think you believe that I hate her. But you think that acknowledging that, regardless of what she’d rather be perceived at, she isn’t biologically female, in any circumstances (not just for instance if I meet her and talk with her) is hateful. Because…well…you failed to tell me why. Because her feelings would be hurt? I can say a bazillion things that would hurt the feelings of millions of people, like say, “religion is bullshit, god is as real as Santa Claus, and believers are deluded people” and it wouldn’t bother you the slightest bit. So, what makes her situation so special that noting what is I think blatantly the truth, that her gender categorization isn’t an objective assessment and that it is at the center of this dispute hateful?
The way I see it you view some statements as taboo, as things that should never be said, regardless of circumstances. You see…“misgendering”? Is that the word? in any context as something peculiarly hateful (for no objective reason that I can discern) to such an extent that it’s better to deny reality than to even hint at the possibility that a person chosen gender could not match the gender determined according to such or such definition. I do not doubt that you feel strongly about it. But I doubt, on the other hand, that you could show that my statements have some uniquely hateful nature making them objectively vastly more wrong that anything else I could say that could possibly offend someone, somewhere. I believe that your feeling about this issue aren’t different from, say, a cultural quirk making people feel, without objective reason, that some behavior is “obviously” terribly wrong and offensive. Your culture in this case being “2019 American progressive” or something like that.
If you’re really so sure that my statements are hateful, if it’s really as obvious as you seem to think that they are, if they’re as bad as you say, you should have no difficulties demonstrating this, showing in what way they’re uniquely wrong and damaging. But I don’t think that you can do that. And obviously, stating “if you can’t see that, then our moral values are so different that it’s not worth discussing” isn’t going to convince me. It’s only going to confirm my belief that you have no real argument to justify your perception, that it’s just the arbitrary cultural taboo I think it is. That you feel that it’s terribly wrong and hateful for no real reason that you can articulate, let alone demonstrate.