I fought this battle for most of my adult life (once I was aware of the existence of anti-depressants and other psychopharmaceuticals) with my mother and other relatives. My mother was never officially diagnosed as bipolar but I have no doubt that she was; she had every symptom associated with it on both ends (the mania/exuberance and, worse, the depressive). My sister (who has similar tendencies but not as pronounced) has wondered aloud before “How did she live for as long as she did without an occasional field trip to the noodle factory?” (My brother and my 85 year old aunt actually gave her the answer I wouldn’t voice and I was surprised it was that obvious: “because she had Jon to run interference for her when she was cuckoo for Coacoa puffs”.)
Anyway, I lobbied her for years to take anti-depressants or stabilizers. I started them myself to combat unipolar depression (I have mild bipolar disorder myself, but depression was what I sought treatment for more than my manias) and I could tell from personal experience that (after, admittedly, some initial changes and some side effects that dissipated in time)- they work. It doesn’t make you into a Disney themedark dancer singing duets with animated redbirds, but it definitely takes the edge off the lows and the highs; if a manic episode is akin to riding bareback on a wild rampaging boar the medication changes it to riding a saddled domesticated hog (still not pleasant but no tusks and not quite as furious or easily spooked) while the lows go from wanting to burrow into the core of the Earth if you could find the ambition and energy and just lying there til volcanic fumes put you to sleep forever and flames consume you, to just wanting to go sit in the closet once in a while.)
Anyway, I begged her to take medication. I told her she didn’t have to go to a psychiatrist, her medical doctor could supply it (which she well knew, since ironically she worked for the last 15 years of her career at a large mental health center), but nope. “Those things CHANGE YOU!” (True- that’s the whole fucking piont.) “They have SIDE EFFECTS!” (True- but nothing like the side effects of getting mad and shooting firearms in the living room or tossing an ignited barbecue grill through a porch screen [which can burn your hands] or the side effects on your children when you lock yourself in a bathroom with a pistol and tell them to call the paramedics then go outside until they arrive or the insomnia that comes of having to wrestle a .38 away from your mother’s hand so she won’t kill herself.)
And she actually said “This is who I am.” I quoted her own father to her, who when told that of a neighbor he was mad at (“Oh Mustang, that’s just how Preacher is”) responded “Then fuck who Preacher is! That’s not an excuse!”
Anyway, my mother was an intelligent, warm, loving, wonderful, funny, charming, talented, giving, incredible human being, who happened to share brainspace with an out of control rampaging demonic bitch. Medication may not have exorcised the roommate but it would at least have made it stay in the back of the house most of the time so that her children wouldn’t have the fish hook feelings* they have when thinking of her.
Anyway, she’s the most extreme case in my life, but I have other relatives and I’ve had friends who wouldn’t hear of changing themselves. They seem to regard psychotropics as somewhere between pot and a hallucinogen that’s going to leave them a zombie (possibly because when you work in mental health so many who take the meds are zombies, but that’s usually because their particular illness is so extreme that it’s necessary or because they have brain damage that caused their illness which also zombies them or other reasons; the difference in a person who suffers from depression and a person who’s been in mental health centers for 10 years is the difference in a guy with a football knee injury from 20 years ago and a guy in a wheelchair.) These drugs are not panaceas and the same one doesn’t always work the same for two people, but as somebody who’s experienced life on them and off of them (off of them both before and since my diagnosis) I’ll tell you flatly that I’m never going to go off of them again, because to paraphrase what Pearl Bailey said about rich and poor “I’ve been medicated and I’ve been unmedicated and I like medicated”.
I was reading part of the new (final?) Kurt Vonnegut book, which contains a long preface by his son. Per his son (the physician Mark of Eden Express fame) KV could not stand the thought of psychotropic medications because they might make him not-depressed and not-bitter and not-consumed-with-anger, and if he lost the depression/bitterness/anger he wouldn’t (in his opinion) be able to write anything worth reading, and that would make him more depressed than before. (It’s the “I hate Brussel sprouts and I’m glad because if I didn’t hate them then I’d like them and if I liked them I’d eat them and then I’d puke because I hate them” circular reasoning fallacy, but you can understand it a tad.) Vonnegut was a loving father in that he truly adored his children, but he was also (per his son and one of his daughters) petulant, thin-skinned, tyrannical, verbally abusive, worrisome, irrational, and argumentative- in other words he could be totally charming and wonderful or a first order total pain in the ass to be around- but thereagain, the effects of his maladies on his wives and family and other people and the occasional lapses into problem drinking and suicidal despair bothered him far less than the notion he might be happy but unremarkable and “not as nature made him”. It was very familiar. (IIRC- it’s been a long time since I read the book- in Eden Express, written almost 40 years ago, in Mark Vonnegut’s own psychotic episode he became convinced his father had killed himself, which his children had lived in terror of since childhood.)
*Last quote on that page: *My feelings for you, Hank, are like a big bowl of -
fish hooks. I can’t just pick up one up at a time. I pick one up and they all come, so I just had to leave 'em alone. *