Ice Cream: Fifteen Minutes From Scoop To Poop

Ok, not poop exactly, but rather some really foul-smelling farts.

I eat a bowl of ice-cream, then fifteen minutes later, something gaseous and evil comes out of my butt.

I’m assuming that the gas is due to lactose intolerance. What I wanna know is how it gets through my intestines so fast. Until I noticed this trend (actually, the ice cream connection was pointed out to me by my slightly green and teary-eyed girlfriend,) I assumed that it would take hours for something to go through the whole system.

So…what’s the deal? How can the stuff form such noxious fumes so quickly?

-David

Hours? Nope, just a few minutes. The path may seem long but the muscles do their work quickly.

Wow,

That sounds like some sort of inspirational saying.

To the O.P., Nuts (walnuts, pecans, etc) do the same to be.

actually liquids travel faster than solids of course…and ice cream dissolves into a liquid as soon as it hits your mouth…only takes a few minutes…


“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda

You wanna know something about me…ask me…not my friends…

I now know ever so much more about SoulFrost than I ever wanted to know about any human being, living or dead.

Lactose intollerant?


Yer pal,
Satan

First Place
Most Popular Poster of the 20th Century Competition
As overseen by Coldfire

Awww, Eve…but I’ve got sooooo much more to share!
Yup, Oh Infernal Source Of All Evil…Lactose (milk sugar) and my digestive tract are not on the best of terms…

-David

So 15 minutes isn’t unheard of…well, I’m glad to know that all those little muscles are in there bustin’ ass like all good little muscles should!

Thanks for the answers, y’all.

Hmmmm…Mr. Thin Skin–I wonder what would happen if I sprinkled walnuts on my ice cream…

-David

Sorry, this is gross, but has anyone had the experience being ill with some kind of intestinal thingy, eating something, feeling like your backside is going to burst, so you run to the bathroom and discover dinner remnants and lots of liquid coming out your back end? I mean, within a very short period of time? I think it’s very bizzare. I"m amazed at how quickly that stuff can get through there!

Meow!

TACO BELL SYNDROM!!! 10 minutes after you eat, theres a damn tostada of lettuce and tomatoes blasting out of you, and then the greasy meat comes. HOW HOW?? I cant believe the speed.

Gross. But hey, post a picture.

Don’t they make ice cream safe for lactoose intollerant peoople? Or in this case, the people in th same room as them?

Does iit taste like shit? Or do you just, like so many men, like the smell of your own emissions?


Yer pal,
Satan

First Place
Most Popular Poster of the 20th Century Competition
As overseen by Coldfire

I don’t really eat enough of it to buy the special kinds. I just get a hankering, and I eat whatever’s in the freezer.

You know how it is, when you make something all by yourself, you just naturally want to share it with those around you. It’s called PRIDE, man!

-David

actually they do, but not yet in the US

It’s wonderful how much we have to share with one another. Anyone have any stories they’d like to tell about finding miraculously intact corn or beans?

DHR


Why must I feel like that/Why must I chase the cat?/Nothin’ but the dog in me.–George Clinton

Corn, beans, tomato seeds aren’t processed much, they go right through.

Your intestines are like a hose. When you turn on the hose, water comes out right away sometimes. Sometimes not. So you eat something gaseous & the gas simply pushes whats in your intestines already out the back door.

I would assume it’s better than constipation, never been constipated so I don’t know…but I can’t imagine having your plumbing so backed up you can’t poo I think that would be painful.

Hey, bananas give me stinky gas, what’s up with that?

Well, I just wanted to be just as gross as the rest ya’ll.

BTW, they do make lactose free milk, I assume that their are loactose free ice creams too, probably at specialty stores.

This is as good a time as any to remember a link posted by another doper. Here it is, enjoy carefully
www.vis.colostate.edu/~scriven/files/steak.txt

Well, I’ve had the Eat-Food-And-Ten-Minutes-Later-A-Blasting-Cap-Goes-Off-In-Your-Ass-Causing-Projectile-Shit before. Aren’t you glad you asked?

And BTW: Grape Kool-Aid makes my shit turn bright green. Pretty groovy, huh?


You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.

This is kind of a George Carlinesque thought I’ve often had: after I fly from one hemisphere to another and then take a dump, I reflect on the net contribution I’m making to that half of the planet’s biosphere.

DHR